Well, I am doing it. What were your struggles moving in?

posted 3 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
3557 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Tatertot2003:  FI and I were anticipating difficulty in learning to live together, but it was actually pretty smooth sailing. He’s much easier to live with than roommate because things are ‘ours’ eg the food, we communicate really well, and we have respect for each other. We also have blunt conversations about our relationship expectations and such. In fact we had one of those kind of conversations rather than a proposal, it was nice that getting married was a mutual decision in which we had equal power. Being commited to each other is so easy and we feel ready to get married. In fact I’d be fine with going down to the courthouse tomorrow to take care of the legal stuff. The one thing I don’t feel ready to do yet is intermingle our book and movie collections. For some reason that seems like a much larger commitment than marriage to me.

Post # 4
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

We’ve been living together for 2 months and surprisingly, the only difficulty we’ve had is space.  We’re trying to work it out though.  I still have some things in boxes with no place to go and sharing a bathroom in the morning when we both are trying to get ready for work can be tough.

Other than that, it’s been awesome!  I moved into FI’s condo that he bought a couple of years before we met so I was worried about intruding on his space but that hasn’t been a problem.  I really enjoy it. We moved in just 3 months before our wedding date (which is just 1 month away!!)

I do think it would be stressful to move into a situation where I felt like I was being tested.  That’s sorta what your situation sounds like, a trial or something.  I’d say just relax and let things go naturally.  Also, make sure you save some $$ just in case they dont’ and you want to leave. 

 

Post # 5
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Tatertot2003:  My SO and I had the SAME discussions pre move-in 🙂  I think it is smart to lay all those cards out there, the good/the bad, and then ‘what if it gets ugly?!”

I sold my home to move into his home, as he had a lot more space!  So, for me, the hardest part personally was ‘officially’ giving up my space. Sure, I had not spent a lot of time there in a year or so, because I was at his house always, but there was something about knowing it was there for me if I needed a break, or some girly down time. 

For him, his personal issues was seeing some of his things ‘gone’, and packed up.  I think for every new ‘girly’ picture I hung on the wall, he felt his balls were getting smaller or something.  But, we had equally decided to keep things or not with a 50/50 split.  All my shit was not going in, and all of his shit was not staying.

For us, as a couple, I think we both struggled with the ‘this is it’ transition.  Sure, there was no marriage guranteed when I made the move, but this was the first time we were living with a SO too.  We knew it was HUGE step, whether it made us or broke us.  So, all the ‘cute’ things we laughed at when we were not officially living together became a question of ‘could we live with THAT for the rest of our lives?!’ 

The chores were not a problem…we both knew our strengths and weaknesses there.  The finances were not an issue either.  He pays the mortgage, I pay the utilities, etc. 

I think we experienced bumps with the transition overall.  The further committment, and our lack of independance of being sole home owners to one shared household…

He proposed 6 months after I moved. It was a complete surprise, but living together definitely made us realize our future together was really solid 🙂  GOOD LUCK!

Post # 6
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee

Congrats!  My FI and I were very practical too when the conversation came up, and I think it’s good for any couple to have a level headed conversation about future plans.  We spent most of our nights and weekends together, so we were already used to spending a lot of time together when we moved in.  The biggest hurdle for me was chores and being responsible for a shared apartment.  I’m not a clean freak, but my standards of cleanliness are different from his.  We figured it out eventually, though.  The key is to be open with him and communicate the good and bad things with each other.  

Post # 8
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@Tatertot2003:  We just argued a lot, not really about the house or where things were going to go, just because we were stressed and exhausted.  It was a rough few months but I love our house!

Post # 9
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

We moved in together very seamlessly. I joke that he just didn’t leave! We were living together after about a month and a half and engaged after 3 months. The one challenge we had is that he is a clean freak and I am just not. I hired a cleaning lady and BAM no one has to worry about wasting our precious time scrubbing.

Your situation doesn’t sound quite a bit different from ours. We didn’t go into living together with an “out.” Obviously people can break up at any time but to actually have a game plan for a break up and have a trial run/audition seems weird to me. Essentially that is what living together before marriage is but I don’t think it needs to be so explicitly called out.

Post # 10
Member
3722 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsPanda99:  That’s how we moved in – I just never left 🙂 I had been there for 3 weeks dog sitting while he was out of the country. When he got back, and I mentioned packing, He just said “why don’t you just stay permanently”. I went home long enough to pack stuff up, but never spent another night at my place after that.

As for what was hard – it really wasn’t. The biggest piece of advice I have is because you are moving into HIS house (as I did). Make sure to make it yours too. We kept some of his posters and stuff, but switched some out for some of mine. My knick knacks went out. It needs to feel like your HOME not just HIS home

Post # 11
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Tatertot2003:  Our biggest struggle was dividing the labor and keeping the house clean. I’m a neat freak, he’s nowhere near that. It’s been give and take – I have become  more relaxed about having some messiness around and he’s gotten a little better at keeping things neat.  

 

I think besides that, the biggest thing was the fact that although we spent nearly all of our timem together leading up to it, it’s a big change when you don’t have your own place to fall back on.  It can be stressful and that anxiety for me definitely led to freak outs that caused some fights to be blown way out of proportion.  

 

I think it was also a bit tough for him to see me going around making his house our home, even though he told me I had free reign to decorate and organize how I wanted.  It was definitely a bit of a transition at the beginning, but after a few months he let it go.  Now, after 2 years his house is our home! 🙂

We also had a plan we had agreed on for the whole thing – engaged within 6 months of living together or else I would be moving out.  I think this is really important.  

good luck!

 

Post # 13
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

The biggest issues were with me wanting to change everything about his house. Haha. Seriously though, over the last 15 months I’ve changed everything from where we store kitchen towels to the paint colors and decor. Reorganized the attic. Moved our bedroom to another room. Took over the spare room as my office. Cleaned out the spice cabinet. Painted nearly every room. I’ve touched almost every area of that house. 

Partly I’m doing it because I needed places to put my things. And partly because he was a dirty bachelor for 4 years and it all needed to be cleaned/update. But really I was attempting to make “his” home “our” home.  

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