Well I feel silly…

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3268 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Brownbear23:  Blech, I hate that feeling. That happened to me for a year and a half. Now finally, 6 months after me indicating what sort of rings I like, it seems my SO has been doing things, within the last month or so.

It takes a long time. I’m sorry you’re feeling down! Take some time today or in the next couple days to do something nice for yourself– paint your nails, make time for a nice long walk alone, or purchase something small, cheap, but fun. 

Did he give you any new ideas about what the timeline really is?

Post # 4
Member
271 posts
Helper bee

poor you! it is so horrible when that happens. to make matters worse to its that you’re upset and hurting and can’t really be mad because they have done nothing wrong lol. I had a similar problem last month when a mystery present turned out to be GHDs! it is a horrible gutting feeling – I’m so sorry for you 🙁 please don’t let it spoil your holiday though.  

 

take a deep hot bath and feel sorry for yourself!  then try and perk yourself up with a treat! 

 

have you spoke to him about a timeline? wait until you feel a little less emotional and then sit down and have a heart to heart x

 

Post # 5
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

That is really too bad!! I remember the recent tension and agony of waiting, even though I knew SO wanted to marry me. One thing I didn’t realize at the time is that the waiting period can be just as agonizing for him as it is for you! FI told me after the proposal how insane he drove himself over planning the perfect surprise, etc. Prior to purchasing the ring, he spent a lot of time torturing himself over budget and selecting the perfect center stone. Meanwhile, I was trying not to lose my sh!t in anticipation. It is awesome that you have a sweet vacay coming up though–savor it and remember that your days as his GF are numbered 🙂

Post # 6
Member
6507 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Vent all you want 🙂 I like turning to the bee too instead of being a grumpy pants towards my DH!

I had moments like this as well where I thought he was dropping hints. There was one dinner we went to where I thought he would propose for sure and I had to work really hard not to show my disappointment. After he proposed I told him about all those hints I thought he was dropping and he was just confused and said he didn’t mean to lead me on lol. 

Have you guys talked about being married?

Post # 8
Member
703 posts
Busy bee

@Brownbear23:  awh I feel your pain. The exact same thing happened me last November. My SO had been talking marriage proposals etc dropping what i presumed to be hints!! i was sure it was gonna happen when he took me away for my 30th. It didn’t happen! I got upset told him all the things he had been saying had lead me to believe it would be happening. He told me he did obv want to marry me but financially wasn’t there. And here I am 10 months later still not engaged! I think the thing to remember here is its just the financial stumbling block not that you SO doesn’t want to marry you! Not very romantic but it’s realistic most guys don’t have thousands lying around in the bank in this day and age! Some do but not my SO. And a appreciate he works really hard and doesn’t blow money on stupid things either so I can’t get too mad!

Post # 10
Member
703 posts
Busy bee

@Brownbear23:  I know some ppl have been mean and said things like oh he could find the money if he wanted to! I hate that he has a job and doesn’t blow his money he went halves on a car for me Because i couldnt afford it on my own. He’s doing up his house slowly. It’s easy to spend money when you have it! I’m gonna really appreciate what my SO can spend on a ring cos I know he will have scrimped and saved for it! At least we know we are waiting just on the money side! That’s the easiest kind of waiting 🙂 as long as they are saving!!

Post # 11
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Brownbear23:  I was in a similar situation- SO said he wanted us to be engaged by our anniversary.  But he changed jobs and went back to school and it wasn’t going to work financially.  So our anniversary comes around and I find out WHILE we are celebrating our anniversary we were supposed to be engaged by that my other friend had a proposal THAT day!!  It was a bad night for both of us.  Then I thought maybe Christmas/holidays?  Nope.  Finally, 11 months after we were supposed to be engaged, it happened!!  And it was beautiful and perfect (like horse and carriage along the beach in Mexico perfect!!)  Waiting is rough, but if it’s just a financial block, you will get through it and when it does happen it will be amazing and you will (almost) completely forget about how awful waiting was.  The bees are amazing support!  Hang in there!! 

Post # 14
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Brownbear23:  Thanks!  It wasn’t always romantic, sometimes it almost seemed unbearable.  I think it’s okay to be a brat on your worst days, it’s better to let it out on the bee than bottle it up- it’s just not healthy.  Plus then there will be a bad day and you will just explode at SO (been there, done that).  I felt like a monster sometimes, a vicious, mean, nasty version of myself that I hardly recognized- it was awful.  On those days, I would recommend the bee!!  I’m sorry you are having a bad day- I’ve been there and I wanted to make sure you knew that it WILL get better!! <3  

Post # 15
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m so sorry! But don’t feel bad about yourself, this is human nature; humans look for patterns and narratives and create them even when there are none. It’s a universal trait, and it’s not your fault that it is working against you in this case! It sounds like it will happen eventually; as difficult as it can be, focus on where you two are right now and enjoy the present. 

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