- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Yaaaaay! Congrats!!
And yes, I feel the same way. I did have long relationships in my 20's, but they were all very crappy, unfulfilling and I knew I would never marry those guys. So yeah, I didn't think I'd every find anyone that I would love enough to want to spend the rest of my life with. We met when I was 30, and married when I was 32.
I guess 30 is our lucky number! :D
Oh, there were quite a few days when I wondered if I was ever going to get married. It got to the point when someone asked me what I was looking for in a guy my only response was "he breathes." A couple of years ago I resolved that there was a good possibility I would just not ever get married and I found myself at peace with that decision. Two months later I met my FI.
Would I rather have found someone in my 20's? I don't really think so. I spent the first 5 years finishing my education, and with so much time devoted to studying, it didn't leave a lot of time to figure out what I wanted. After that, I got a job, traveled, bought a house, stayed out late, slept even later, spent money on what I wanted and got to do what I wanted. Meanwhile all of my friends who got married in their 20's were having kids and staying home. Did this make me sad? Sometimes. Somedays I was really sad, but in reflection, I had way more fun and happy days than sad days. I can't tell you how often people told me they wished they could be in my shoes. Never once would I have traded places with them. Secretly, I kind of miss the go where I want when I want and I'll spend what I want days. But it sure is nice to have someone to come home to as well!
congratulations! i think that's really beautiful that he made such a difference in your life (which i'm sure you have done for him as well).
misspug - he's actually 36!! :) he's always telling me the same too - that I have "no idea" what I've done for him in his life...he too never ever thought he'd get married...
I'm the same way, although I turn 29 in 2010. In my 20's before 25 having fun and not looking to settle down(finishing undergrad), but after 27 is when I started seriously looking.LOL I looked but I wasn't sucessful. I prayed about it and in 10 months, he came!LOL That was the fast! With him, I'm able to let myself go. Before him, my longest relationship was a few months also. Now I can actually share myself with someone.
I guess I can't put it in words, but I totally understand where you are coming from.
@lkbphmd - I agree that I'm not sure I actually would WANT to have been married any sooner than what life has brought TO me - and I am VERY happy I did NOT have kids in my 20's...but it did suck to look around and see all my friends that WERE married and did have what I could only ever wish for...
Having such crappy horrible "relationships" if you can even call it that - more just "dates" because they'd last maybe a few weeks - if I was lucky - and then I'd get so incredibly hurt (probably more my own fault for expecting too much) and then move on to the next "disappointment"...lol - I actually look back now and am almost thankful that I had to endure what I did. I truly believe that having gone through SO many crappy "relationships" has helped me become the strong woman I am today and really taught me how to truly love my husband and NOT take him for granted for even one single day! Seriously - the guy who left me for his cocaine habit (which was 1 year before I met DH) - I "pined" over him for almost 6 months after he broke up with me!!! I was devistated and honestly thought NO one would ever love me after that...but then mr. junebride came into my life just 4 short months later. :) (also during those 4 short months I had other dating issues that I just "let go" as soon as mr. junebride showed up!)
Course that is all in hindsight now as - obviously when I was living my 20's and going THROUGH those crappy relationships - again I just thought that's how I was doomed to live the rest of my life! :P But I really do try to take all I can from what I had to go through (again, probably more what I put myself through more than anything...) and really learn from those "mistakes" and know now how to be that wife I'd always dreamt of being.
I will admit - I was a "desperate lonely girl" and we all have done things in the past we're not proud of...which again is why I made sure with mr. junebride that I took things "slowly" and didn't just jump into it.
But every day I still think back to that girl who just wanted so desperately for someone to love and love her back...and I wish I could go back in time and tell her to be patient, it WILL and DOES happen. But again - now that I HAVE found him - I wouldn't change anything for the world. Everything I had to endure - MONTHS of crying over idiots (this happened a few times, not just the coke head) - I know truly that those times just made me be able to love mr. junebride and truly appreciate him that much more!
I just got married at 38.....waited for the perfect time and person. My 20's were tumultuous.
Congratulations!
Congratulations! Such a sweet love story...
I didn't date my partner until I was 34. I had pretty much resigned myself to preferring singlehood over bad relationships. As soon as I made that commitment to myself, BAM! There he was!
My 20's were a long process of career development and personal development that didn't really come to fruition until my early 30s... So I don't regret any of the delays for a second. They definitely made me who I am today!
We, like you, decided on a long engagement... after all, this is a marathon, not a sprint. So like cranky, I was 38 when I finally got hitched to the man of my dreams!
This is such a sweet post :) Yes, I felt the same as you that I would never meet the one, and I was destined to grow old never having been married because no one wanted me blah blah blah... Seriously, it was quite depressing because of course when you're younger you think "I will probably be married by the time I'm 22 or 23.." and when that rolled around & it hadn't happened yet, I was seriously starting to think & feel like there was something defective about me that no one wanted :(
I thank God every day for my wonderful husband. We got married earlier this month, and I will turn 30 in June. Happily ever after was a little later, but right on time :)
I will be a few months away from 30 when we get married (he will be 37). However, in Korea, age is calculated differently...so I'm actually considered 31 here!
When I was 16 I had these visions of being married by 21. Then most of my friends met their now husbands in 1st year university. It was hard going through my early 20s having a string of very very short relationships (longest 2 months), and most of them bad when my friends all seemed to effortlessly find their 'one'. My firends were all married by the end of university/grad school, and I still felt like I was still 16 having never really been a 'girlfriend.' FI had given up altogether on marriage and children before he met me. Most of his friends had semi-arranged or 'well it's marrying time...and you fit my parent's criteria for me...so let's get married! kind of relationships. So he was anti anti anti marriage if this is what it meant.
It took a long time for us to get past our past baggage and feelings about long term relationships...but we both feel like we saved each other. And most of all, I know I wouldn't have felt this grateful had I met FI when I was younger. We've both had the looooooooooooong single stretch and the bad relationships....and so finding each other was this incredible revelation of what companionship really means. I never would have understood that had I found him earlier in my life.
I completely agree with all of you! I was 29 when I started dating my FI and I will be 31 when we get married on November 6, 2010. I spent my 20s going from one failed relationship to the next, never feeling like I was ever going to get married. I used to tell people that I didn't want to get married or have kids but I was only saying that because I didn't feel like it would ever happen. If I was going to be the "crazy cat lady" who stays single her whole life, at least I was going to have fun doing it! I didn't meet my FI until I decided that I was fed up with living in Kansas City and decided to move to St. Louis to be closer to my nephew, my brother, and my sister-in-law. I had lived in St. Louis for less than 5 months when I met my FI. The minute I saw him I knew I was going to marry him! He is absolutely 100% my soulmate and I can't imagine I ever lived life without him. I always joke with people that I had to move 250 miles away from home to find the man of my dreams! We got engaged on Nov. 14, 2009 and within three weeks, 2 other friends of ours got engaged too! 30 is the new 20 ladies! I wouldn't have had the same relationship with my FI in my 20s than I do in my 30s so I'm thankful it took me until the end of my 20s to find him! Congrats to all of you!
THANK YOU ALL for your stories!!!!! :D
It really is SO incredibly awesome to read all of your stories and know that there are others who have the same feelings as me. :)
I absolutely agree that I would NOT be able to love my husband and appreciate him as much as I do now, had I NOT gone through all those crappy relationships in my 20's. Seriously - as I already stated, EVERYTHING I endured - the MONTHS (and years) of crying and/or feeling like I'd never find someone who loves me for me - they were all worth it to truly gain the appreciation I have now for having the most incredible man in the world.
Again - I'd always wished, in my 20's, that I HAD had the college sweetheart and got married earlier and whatnot - but again I am just so very thankful that life is what it is now.
It's so great to hear everyone's stories. :) Ours is kinda funny--kind of a real life "When Harry Met Sally" kind of story. We met when I was 18 and he was 20 at my freshman orientation to college. We were friends (and housemates) for the next several years and all the time we were dating other people. I knew he was fantastic, but I never really considered the possibility of us dating. It wasn't until we had known each other for 9 years when he finally told me that he had feelings for me. I realized that I had really been feeling the same way for a long time. I think when we were younger, neither of us was really ready for the seriousness/commitment that would have come from moving our friendship to the next level. I knew that once we got together, it was the real thing. I think we are a better couple because we spent our 20's figuring out who we were and what we wanted out of our lives individually (as friends)--before we realized that what we wanted was right here the whole time. ;) We were 31 and 33 at our wedding, which came almost about 13 years after we met!
@Jessie - that is a cool story. :)
I guess we all have the same understanding that it's like we've all come from a completely different place than those brides who were lucky enough to find their soulmate earlier on in life.
I have absolutely nothing against them (obviously) and wish them all the love in the world - but I will admit I was always very jealous of women that I knew in my 20's who - whether it was early 20's or mid 20's - had already found the man of their dreams - or even just had longer relationships than 2 months.
and of course when you're IN that point in your life where you think you'll NEVER find anyone to love you and you're "doomed to be alone forever"...I just wish I could tell every girl feeling that that it WILL happen.
I was always told - by friends and stuff - that it's "when you stop looking that love finds you"...and that always pissed me off to hear that! I honestly was like "well how am I supposed to find him if I'm not out there looking??!!"
And part of the story that I sorta left out was that - like I said earlier, I pined over the cokehead for about 6 months after he broke it off with me...I mean I was crying daily for close to 5 months...I was on match.com and trying to find a good date - could never really find anyone...remember 1 guy who was REALLY nice and sweet but I just wasn't over the other guy yet and probably was a little rude to this guy and REALLY hope and wish he found who HE was looking for...and then about 2 months later (and 2 months before I met Mr. JuneBride) - I started dating 2 other guys at the same time (yeah NEVER do this, anyone! lol) - and it was a mess. I knew that neither was going anywhere at all - it was just a "meantime" sort of relationship - no strings at all for either - and one of them admitted to me he had done some drugs one day (earlier IN that day)...and that night I left and never looked back...then I realized for myself that this other guy wasn't going anywhere either and I did just say "screw it". I truly did make a promise to myself that I would NOT allow myself to get screwed over again and just learn to love to be single...and honest to god it was like 2 weeks later that I went out dancing with a girlfriend and met mr. junebride.
it's sorta funny because it did happen that fast...but again - I wouldn't have changed any of it...even the fact that the last two guys before Mr. JuneBride were druggies. (btw, i am NOT into drugs never have been. knew the cokehead was a recovering addict and gave him the benefit of the doubt - didn't have any clue about the other guy and left him the minute i found out).
But it IS true...love WILL find you when you stop looking.
This is such a wonderful post. I can resonate with everything all you bees are saying. I was 29 and finishing grad school when I met my FI. I also was getting over a long term relationship and felt so disappointed in men, and told myself I never want anything to do with those beastly two legged creatures! That also made me feel like a total loser: finishing off my 20s with yet another long term relationship that didnt work. Ah! It took some time and distance (I did a 6 month stint in a different country for work shortly after I met my FI). But he waited for me, and once I came back, the rest is history. When we talk about our story we do agree that had we met earlier, in our 20s, very likely it wouldnt have worked. I know I was soo impatient, and selfish, and sometimes plain stupid growing up throughout my 20s. And his family says he was such a punk when he was younger, ha ha. And now looking back at past relationships I can see why they didnt work, and I thank universe for letting me meet my man at the right time. We will be getting married in June. We are both excited and a bit scared (I think thats normal, right?). I will be 32, and he will be 34 when we get married. Even though it might be older by some standards, I think it couldnt be a better time for us to make life's most important decision (my mama says its the important decision, and I've learned that she is usually right:)
@Junebride: Awesome story! I feel the same way...I got engaged on Nov. 14, 2009 (just like AliKitty :) ) (which was for my 30th bday, though my bday is the 15th.)
and I too still can't believe that my FI WANTS to marry ME!! I guess I have a hard time w. my self esteem and whatnot and yes, had some relationships where the guy wasn't right, as I had thought..and so living w. the knowledge that I found someone that wants to spend his life with me and that we just bought a house this January is all so exciting to me and overwhelming too. :)
Anyway, great posts!
Nice to see that so many of us have gone through similar experiences or thoughts...and I for one am glad I'm not alone in that. :)
Um...you're a youngster!
I'm 44 and will be getting married for the FIRST time next year (I had two very long relationships before my current that never got me there). Hence my board name- I'll be menopausal and a bride at the same time.
And, yes- I AM wearing white! LOL
:)
@menobride - i think that's AWESOME that you're wearing white! seriously rock it!
Great stories ladies....
I'm 33, FH is 41, and I would have never wanted to meet him a day earlier! I purposefully didn't "settle down" in my 20s because soooo many people in my life had done just that and regretted it, or worse, divorced. I had a couple long term relationships, but when they asked my hand - i refused. I've always been a bit of a hard head anyway.
I had to figure out me, and KNOW me before I could possibly be any good to anyone else. I'm so glad I did this. Within 5 weeks of meeting my FH we were living together and engaged. When it's right, it slaps you in the face! (Incidentally, I put very little stock in "signs" but within a couple minutes of meeting my FH, I actually saw a shooting star over his head!)
I've never been happier with the idea of spending the rest of my life with someone - my soulmate! Everything we do together is so easy, even the hard stuff! We're celebrating 6 months together in a couple weeks and getting married in under 100 days!
Love the stories everyone. I've been a weepy mess since getting engaged, and all these sweet stories aren't helping me contain the waterworks! :)
I spent most of my 20s in a long-term relationship with my ex. Looking back on it, we were both pretty sad characters--it was evident early on that we weren't really compatible long-term. But we were nice people and liked each other a lot and wanted to force it to work. So six long years later I finally called it quits. We had never made any plans to marry, and after a while, we were both just hanging on because we were afraid of being alone. Admitting my role in the end of the relationship was a big milestone for me--my 20-something self would have blamed it all on him and closed the case!
So I broke up with the ex in early 2006, but don't really cut the cord (we tried to "be friends" until I broke down in tears (again) after meeting his girlfriend in late 2007. So I got myself together and started dating again, pretty half-heartedly, but I knew I needed to at least stop moping at home inhaling Doritos all the time. Meanwhile, my future fiance was completing a six-month fellowship in my office. He was single, adorable, and straight, but I was too much of a mess to really notice him. We stayed in touch after he left, and our first official date was in the spring of 2008, two weeks after I turned 30 years old. It's embarrassing to admit, but I spent some time wondering what was wrong with him. An attractive, intelligent, kind, sweet guy who was looking for a relationship--how come nobody had snatched him up in his 20s? My irrational fears were put to rest, and two years to the day after our first date, two weeks after my 32nd birthday, he proposed. :)
Congratulations! You sound so happy! You deserve all you are getting. Take it in! Bask in it!
I'm 33 and getting married this month, thinking we are not very old at all. I know people marrying in their early 50's. But I know every time another friend has gotten engaged over the years, I thought 'When will it be my turn?'
Also, I like the expression "last one down the aisle wins!"
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 94 |
| ndreighton | 81 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 56 |
| beargoose | 55 |
| Mrs.KMM | 46 |
| akp0702 | 42 |
| BetterSherm | 42 |
| MrsBlueSeptember | 41 |
| MrsPom | 37 |
| Beckster329 | 37 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Ultrakocie | 2 |
 anjanette.thomas1 |
1 |
| Reeniero | 1 |
I have so much going on in my mind right now that I'd like to discuss with the hive and see if anyone else understands so I will try to write this post in a way that's not all over the place. lol
Ok - so technically our wedding isn't until June. And OMG it's soooo close to being the year 2010 it's scarey!!!! We've been "engaged" now for a year and a half and I really did want a long engagement...although legally we do have that piece of paper that claims us as husband and wife.
Thing is - I can not WAIT to shout out to the world I'M MARRIED!!!! YES ME!!!! I turned 30 years old in August so technically - as far as most people we know will think - I will be a 30 year old bride...however we did become legal a few months before my 30th birthday due to indurance reasons as my husband needed back surgery. :)
Some days I still thank God that I have found such an incredible man to spend the rest of my life with - but I also think back to those lonely days of my 20's when I dated around (usually very short time periods) always trying to find the right one...honestly up until DH, the longest relationship I actually had during my 20's was 2 freakin' months!!! And the guy left me for his cocaine habit...and before that I did date my high school boyfriend during high school for 8 months but that doesn't really count...I also lived with a "friend with benefits" for about a year - and while we had a lot of fun and he was a good FRIEND that's all he was - just a friend - absolutely NO emotional attachment whatsoever.
There were times when I was in my 20's and I guess you could say I spent most of my 20's really trying to "find myself" and figure out what I wanted to do with my life - but there were so many lonely nights when I honestly thought "no one will ever marry me - I'll be alone forever..." I just didn't really know how to BE a girlfriend, let alone a wife - as I'd never BEEN one (a girlfriend that is)...
And when Mr. JuneBride came into my life I was so sick and tired of being hurt that he was the ONE guy I actually *somewhat* took my time with and really tried to be patient...which in my world of past relationships i really DID take my time with him...we didn't sleep together for at least a month and didn't move in together till after the 4 month mark! haha! I know some people would look at that like "um you call that taking your time?" but for ME - yes that was TOTALLY "taking my time!"
I also wanted a long engagement because I'd always said to myself that if I truly find someone who wants to be with me for the rest of my life then he can deal with a 2 year engagement because I want to make SURE he wants to be with me...course again - legally we got hitched after only about 9 months of being engaged - but we'd already bought a house and had 2 babies (a black pug and a golden retreiver/lab mix)...and he absolutely HAD to have back surgery as he has scoliosis and 2 metal rods in his back and one was starting to poke out of his skin at the top of his spine (yup ew I know).
But anywhoo - the point of this post is there are still days when I stop and seriously thank God for all that he has given me because that lonely girl who used to be inside my skin is still in my head and can NOT believe "someone actually wants to be my husband and WANTS me to be his wife...AND he actually wants me to be the mother of his children too!!!!" Plus he's got a great job - great morals - AND he's NEVER done drugs! (this was actually a question I asked mr. junebride the first night we met as it would have been a deal breaker! lol)
Is there anyone else out there in 'bee land who - like me - spent most of their 20's lonely - always trying to find "the one" only to find yourself more miserable and lonely, thinking they'd NEVER find "him"? I mean it - there's not a day that goes by that I don't say a little prayer thanking God for bringing mr. junebride into my life - and it's been over 3 years now! :D
Yeah - while we may already be legal - my wedding day will be the day I get to shout out to the world - YUP I'M MARRIED!!! ME!!!!!!