- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
Am I “settling” with my fiancé? I love him very, very much, and would do anything for him. I am pretty sure it is the other way around also… But I sometimes wonder if he will be holding me back and not going to lead a fulfilling life with me.
There are the small, but slightly major diffences of opinion. I thought because he was engaged to me now, he wants to marry me now… But when we originally started talking dates, he was talking 2+ years in the future! I was talking 12-18months. We finally settled on a date 20 months after our engagement date. Then there is children. I don’t want to start tryiyet for chilafter right after we get married, but would lthe to be pregnant before I am 30. Fiance thinks that was should have stable jobs, financial security- which I agree with. But also have purchased our own home. But he doesn’t want to go into debt because of how much his parents have struggled. Which means inorder for me to have the main thing I want, we have to have saved AT LEAST $300,000 in cash…?
There are other things too. He seems to have no motivation to move forward in his career. Anything he does is because his mother and I have been pushing him to do it. I ask if he is unhappy with his job, is that why he doesn’t want to do more? Be better? And he says he is fine. He only works part-time.
He is extremely close to his parents and will change hismind on something we have discussed because they disagree. Then when I bring it up later, in private, he says that it was because he had no say in it when it was just us talking. But we had NEGOTIATED, we BOTH got what we wanted!
He also says I am mean to him, and say nasty things all of the time. I usually only hear that when I say, “could you take out the garbage? today? And the stuff you left on the porch?” is a nasty thing to say, when he is pouting like a child on the lounge. (henever helps around the house without prompting).
I do all of the cooking, all of the cleaning. I am studying full time, I am working part-time and am starting my own business, which should be up and running fully in the next 1-2 years…
All of that said. I really want to make it work with him. I love him very much, and have moved 1300 km away from all of my family for him. I want a future with him. But am I only thinking all of this because I haven’t dated much? Is this what I should be expecting?