Post # 1
Hey Bees. I recently joined this board and have shared my story of my proposal to my SO. My story for those who don’t know in the short version- I asked my SO of a year to marry me in a very loving thought-out way and he was THRILLED. I mean, I can’t even explain how happy he seemed that I asked him, no hesitation, just a big fat YES out of him. So I asked him if our engagement was official, and he said he felt awful for not having a ring for me. So, he requested that before we make anything official and tell people, we get a ring. I agreed of course, nothing wrong with that condition!
Well, here’s the problem. This happened exactly a month ago today, and no discussion of this has happened since. I was hoping he would intiate going ring shopping together so he could learn what I wanted exactly (which of course I have figured out, lol) and make an order for it. I figured he would do this since the ball is kind of in his court now. Nothing happened. So, I thought, well maybe he will just wait for my birthday (which is in like a week) or Vday. I know for a fact he hasnt gotten a ring, because he hasnt even asked me what I want and knowing him he wouldnt go in there blindly. So, I have been quiet of course. He hasnt yet asked me what I want for my birthday, Idk if he is waiting until the last minute or what, but I am going to just give him a picture of the ring I want and just say “to make our engagement official”.
I am also afraid if we do go ring shopping and get a ring, he will wait to propose. I don’t know why really, I guess I just feel that way because of being stringed along and playing games in the past, before him. And while that would be a sweet gesture on his part, I kinda feel like he would be diminishing my proposal. (Is that completely selfish of me to be upset about btw?)
Here’s what I am wondering though, do you think if vday and my bday passes and there is nothing, even after I give him that picture, that he just isnt ready after all, and he’s just too nice to tell me? By his reaction when I proposed, I really thought this would all have happened sooner, but now I am not so sure. On the other hand it’s only been a month since I asked, so I don’t know, I’m confused! Thanks in advance everyone 🙂
Post # 3
@Aklove: I thought the condition was just the ring, not also his proposal? if it is just the ring you don’t need to worry about him “waiting to propose” … I donno, as far as I am concerned/what it seems- you ARE engaged but he just wants you to have a ring… bring it up, maybe send him a link with some ideas and see if that gets him going? Guys are slow….
Post # 4
why don’t you just ask him about it?
Post # 5
@mayflowerbride13: And from what I know of him, he is slow, and he’s a giant procrastinator. LOL. And You’re right, the only condition is the ring…but in my own deluted mind I am feeling like it will backfire (these may be my own personal issues that I need to sort out)
Post # 6
@MrsWBS: I plan to talk to him after these “special days” are over if nothing happens, because there is no way we could just NOT communicate about this. I guess I will have my answers soon enough but I just wanted to see what everyone thought since he hasnt said anything since I asked him a month ago.
Post # 7
My FI went out on his own and designed the ring without input from me. It took months!
I wouldn’t worry just yet!
Post # 8
I just read your original post. It sounds to me like he really does want it. I think he had a genuine response (although, granted, it’s hard to say with a written account).
If the PP aren’t right about him already working on the ring and it taking a while, then I don’t think it means too much. I’d probably assume that he is just being a guy and not getting around to do it. Maybe he doesn’t think there is a rush because you’ve already established your plan to get married? Unless somethign else happens that heightens your doubt, I’d probably wait a little longer (as much as that sucks!) but don’t leave it in his court too long! After all, you’ve already shown the strength of proposing to him! If he hasn’t proposed by your b-day or V-day, it couldn’t hurt to ask about any progress. Maybe it’ll be a little reminder for him, or maybe you’ll find that he’s trying to keep it a secret to surprise you and you’ll know to let it be.
Post # 9
@MrsWBS: THIS x10000. Just ask him, no biggie. You can tell him you don’t want to know when/where/how etc, that you just want to know it’s in the works. He may be waiting for you to mention it? Congrats on the engagement!
Post # 11
I would just ask him. Guys don’t move as quickly as we do when it comes to these things.
Post # 12
@Aklove: Thats what my SO did when I proposed. Said yes then took it back and said he wanted to propose. Soooo here we are five months later with his proposal dealine coming up. Perhaps get his timeline for getting you a ring and making it official?
edit: my proposal was spur of the moment and not planned or …good =0p
Post # 13
I would wait and see why Vday and your Birthday bring (you never know, maybe he has something planned) and if there is no ring maybe just be honest and talk to him. Just say, I can’t believe it has been a month already! When can we go and look at rings, I am too excited to wait any longer!
Post # 14
@subtlebee: Yeah after next week if nothing happens I will ask him what his ideal timeline is… I think I will feel like a weight is being lifted off my shoulders when I find out his answer!
Post # 15
I think a month is too soon to be worrying just yet.
He hasn’t looked yet but has full intent, it’s only been a month!
He has been researching the 4 C’s and where to buy etc before asking what you like.
He has gone off on his own to look already
He has something in the works (it will take longer than a month!)
He is saving for a ring and doesn’t want to look yet because it’s a ways away.
Wait until after these special days so that it gives him more time. Who knows, he may want to take you ring shopping on V Day to make it special! But after that, just talk to him about the next step and how much input he wants from you.
Post # 16
Update: I was in the shower this morning and SO comes in and says “birthday thoughts?” LOL 1 day before my bday while I am showering…I almost started laughing. Anyway, I told him I wanted to make our engagement official, and I asked him if he wanted the same and if we can move things along. He told me of course he wanted the same and that he is ready, but he hasnt purchased the ring yet, because he was saving for it. He also said it has been on his mind and he has a timeline for the saving and purchasing. The way he made it sound, he wanted to purchase some big fancy expensive ring because I will be wearing it the rest of my life and he wanted our commitment between the two of us to be a big deal. I said that was fine, but I didnt want a big expensive ring. I didnt get a chance to show him a picture if what I do want, but I am sending it to his work email today. So, no engagement for tomorrow either. He assured me that he is ready but just wants me to have a nice ring and he hasnt been able to save much for it. He said when he gets his tax return he will be able to set aside some money and get a ring, but he asked that I trust in him that the engagement will happen in the near future. I left it at that and said the ball really was in his court. I told him that a big proposal on his end does not need to happen since I already took care of that, but he said he wanted our engagement to be a mutual decision and to let him handle it from here. I asked him if I stole his thunder in any way by asking him, and he said no, he wouldnt have it any other way “but I also want to return the favor to you.” As hard as it was to bite my tongue on that, I did and decided to let go and let him be in charge from here on out. If I am going to marry this guy I have to trust in the fact that what he is telling me is true, and he has not yet given me a reason not to. But, the waiting is really hard, lol. Anyway, just wanted to give you guys an update on that. I do feel better having talked with him about it and I am very thankful he feels the same way I do and wants to take the next step. What gives me hope it that it’s in the works and we are communicating, I can’t imagine it being this time next year and not being engaged with how everything is going.
So, from here on out I am joining the SHUT-IT-UP Pact. I am ready. 😀