We'll pay for the wedding… JUST KIDDING!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Take the $5K, be appreciative, and put it towards the cost of your wedding. Stop being ungracious. Myself, and so many other Bees are paying for our weddings ourselves and would love to have a family member who could contribute this much money!

Post # 5
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Well, what was your plan before your grandmother offered to pay? From your post, I didn’t get the impression she’s been saying this all your life. Did you put down a deposit yet?

 

Post # 6
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@FutureDrAtkins:  I would do what you orginally planned to do – a small ceremony that includes your grandparents. I am in the same boat – we are eloping locally to ensure that my ill father is able to attend. That means more to me than a $50,000 wedding ever will and I could care less if anyone else is there. Regardless of who is paying, I can’t fathom wasting using that much money on a wedding. That’s a down payment on a house (or a bunch of renovations on the house you already own, a cottage, whatever).

Your grandma should have talked to your grandpa first but she didn’t. So go back to the basics and have something small with the four or you (ours costs under $2,000 for all of us). I know it is disappointing but try not lose sight of what is important – marrying the man you love and having your grandpa be there.

Post # 7
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It’s not a case of being ungracious though is it? The OP was clearly told that her grandparents would be paying for the wedding and her grandmother came up with all sorts of expensive options that they said they’d cover the cost of. To backtrack and say that actually, they only plan to contribute £5K towards the plans that emanated from the OP’s grandmother is a set back, to put it mildly. $5K is certainly a bigger contribution than some brides will get but you have to set that against these particular circumstances before accuding the OP of being ungracious.  

I’m sure that if the OP and her FI hadn’t been lead to believe differently they’d have got on with planning an affordable wedding. It’s just that the rug has been pulled from under them. 

If I were you, OP, I’d seriously consider eloping or at least scaling everything back to a very small wedding with your grandparents in attendance.

 

Post # 8
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@JBishop:  +1. I would use that substantial sum of money towards whatever I had initially planned and stay focused on what is important in life. Hint: it’s not money.

Post # 9
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I want to add that I get having to suck it up when a grandparent dissapoints. My aunt always said I’d inherit her e-ring, which was originally my grandmothers. I lived with my grandmother for years until I moved in with FI. I was extremely hurt to find out that my grandmother didn’t want me to have it. I think it had to do with her mind going in her old age, so I just let it go.

To answer your question, it depends on what means more to you, the big wedding or the HM. You could always put your HM money towards a nice wedding and just go away locally for a few days.

Even though my FI and I are doing that, it’s not what I’d do if I were you. I’d totally do the backyard wedding and cut the guest list a little too. I might do a local VFW hall if that’s possible. I think you’ll regret if if you don’t include your grandfather in whatever you can. 

Post # 10
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Just be happy you get 5k. We are getting nothing from anybody – well my MOH is paying for our DJ which is a HUGE help. But we are getting nothing from our family. Our wedding will cost about 8k total and we have about 60 guests coming. Just take a deep breath, cut your guest list and do the best you can with what you have. Even if you can have just close family with you, I feel like that is worth it. 

Basicaly, if you didn’t pay any deposits yet on anything I don’t see the big deal. Yeah, it’s disappointing but not the end of the world, you can still have a great wedding 🙂

 

Post # 11
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@JBishop:  +1

If a family member gave us $5k, that would cover more than half of our reception costs (budget bride here…), and we would be eternally grateful.

OP – It is possible to have a cheaper yet nice wedding. You just have to think outside the box. Rent a pub or restaurant instead of a hotel convention hall or typical wedding venue. But if you want to elope, that’s fine as well. You just need to realize that there is a middle ground between a grand $50k+ affair and eloping/courthouse. As you’ve noticed from the PPs, complaints about getting “only $xk” really don’t go over well here unfortunately.

Post # 12
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

This seems like a deja vu post.  Somehow I think I’ve read it before. 

I don’t know grandma/grandpa’s finances, but I think if grandpa is getting aged enough that you’re timing the wedding to insure that he’s available then they may not have unlimited funds available – many older people are concerned that they’ll have enough in the bank to cover their needs as they age. 

I’d also say that maybe grandma doesn’t have any idea how expensive weddings can get.  I’d venture to guess that she may have thought that 5K would pay for a great deal. 

In any event I know I would feel very guilty at taking money from aging grandparents when I’m the young healthy one who is coming into the prime of my earning years.  

 

Post # 14
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you should cut your guest list and you can plan a moderately priced wedding.  You will also have enough time to save extra money.  

Instead of going on a honeymoon, put that money towards the wedding.

 

 

Post # 15
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@FutureDrAtkins:  So how about you have a really small wedding, only invite the people closest to you. You can make it really nice for 5k if you keep the guest list around 20 or so. I don’t know what kind of wedding you wanted but I’d look into ceremony places that are really inexpensive, like a state park – those can be really pretty, or a small chapel and then have a nice fancy sit down dinner to celebrate. I wouldn’t worry about what extended family thinks so much. 

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