- 5 years ago
Today I just about had a complete freakout. My SO and I are high school sweethearts and have been together for 6 years. We have always talked about getting married once we’re out of college which is coming soon. So the past few months my head has been full of marriages and weddings, which now thinking about it may have been the problem. We’ve talked about potential wedding dates and rings and I have had my heart set on a proposal happening on our trip to Disneyland in March.
Recently my boyfriend has been acting kinda downa and I knew something was bothering him. I sat him down to talk about it and he confessed that he was nervous and confused about life for him after college. He said that he wanted to go out and explore the world and have adventures before getting into his career. And then the conversation took a turn. He started talking about how HE (not we) could to live in other countries for a while and then said the line “I don’t really want to settle down for another 4-5 years.”
After that I shut down. I honestly don’t remember much of what he said after that but my mind just kept filling with bad thoughts thinking “he is saying he doesn’t want to get married. This marriage talk has been too much pressure and now he’s decided he can’t do it. This is it, my future life is gone. No proposal in march, no moving in together after school. he is going to make me wait and drag me along. What if he is never ready?”
As I was mentally feeling my whole world fall apart I decided to just get up and leave as it was just too overwhelming and frankly surprising. As soon as I stood up though he freaked out and started asking me where I was going and what was wrong. I simply resoonded “you don’t want to get married” while almost crying. He then hugged me and thankfully explained that that wasn’t what he meant and he wanted to go to live in those places with me and that he meant he didn’t want to buy a house and have kids for 4-5 years.
So yea, this got really long and that was really scary but I’m glad it all turned out to be fine. But it just shows that I’m freaking out so much that the proposal is actually going to happen that now my brain is imagining that my SO doesn’t want to marry me dispite the millions of conversations we’ve had. Okay freakout over :]