Post # 1
MY SO and I have been struggling with our distance a lot lately. We can’t bear being away from each other much longer and want to start a life together. As usual my family thinks we should wait to get married but they don’t see day to day how it’s killing us. My SO and I are frustrated because we can’t be together and start a good steady financial future with the jobs we have. Joining up would give us great benefits like insurance for health, dental, housing. It generally would be a very good start for us. He would do the minimum and we’d get to start our adventures together. He’s looking into the info and paperwork soon and doesn’t plan on telling anyone until after he’s pretty much joined. Last time my family heard he wanted to join, they literally freaked out. They completely think he’ll get killed and that they’ll never see me. Hes going into a construction job for the military. I’m kind of scared When to tell my parents. I want to word it right. Its not forever and its a great opportunity for us. We’d be able to visit my parents and I think getting away from their negativity for bit would help our relationship in the long run. I know I need to confront my parents and tell them I’m just not sure how to word it. He said he’s frustrated with having hardly and money and being away from me and he wants to be able to provide for us and our future family and I don’t fault him for that. 🙂 The distance is getting harder and that’s due to the fact that over Christmas we spent 9 days together for his grandfather’s funeral and we got v used to it a lot.I love him and I support him so much in this. Theres not really a better option for us except scrimping and saving and struggling for money as a newlywed.
Post # 3
I’d wait until he has a timeline mapped out. Depending on his contract he might have follow on orders after basic training for some sort of school and possibly an expectation of where he will be stationed immediately after that. Once you have that timeline you can explain it to your parents and make it sound as concrete as possible. “This is when we expect for me to move in with him… This is when we expect him to be at his final station…”
Post # 4
I generally hate it when people join the military just for the benefits and plan to do the minimum. You should join the military because that’s what you want to do and you want to serve your country. Also, most newly enlisted people get deployed at least once (from what I’ve witnessed anyways).
Post # 5
If you can’t cope with being apart right now then I doubt that joining the military is going to be the best solution to that particular problem. Now I don’t know exactly how the US Military works but I’m willing to bet not very differently to over here. In that he’ll surely have to do several weeks of basic training and almost certainly go on deployment afterwards.
Given the previous drama when your SO announced his intention of joining up, I’d say nothing to your family until this becomes a reality. At that point you will know what is actually happening and can relay facts, rather than possibilities, to your parents.
Post # 6
Lots of people scrimp and save and struggle as newlyweds.
No one likes doing it, but it happens – it’s not the end of the world.
You need to compare the things you want (and when you want them) to what you can afford and adjust your expectations accordingly.
Joining the military just for the money/benefits/job opportunities is not really the smartest choice. That is a lifetime commitment, not a temp job to boost your income. People’s lives will depend on your SO performing his best, so if he’s just in it for the money I say don’t do it.
You can elope which would save you a LOT of money. It would solve both to problem of people nagging you to get married (which I find weird and also rude, you should ignore it) and you and your SO’s desire to be married/closer to each other.
The other thing that you can do is stop giving a crap about what your family thinks. Unless you’re under 18 they can’t make any choices for you. If you’re over 18, it’s time to start learning how to live on your own.
Looking at your previous posts make it pretty clear that you care WAY TOO MUCH about what your family thinks.
Learning to think for yourself and not care about family opinions would solve many of your issues, I think.
Post # 7
@katiecat08: Why do your parents’ opinions matter so much? It’s your life… do what’s right for you. No need to justify to other people.
Post # 8
He shouldn’t join the military unless he truly wants to serve. There are a lot of military spouses and active military personnel on here who can tell you from firsthand experience that it’s not an easy life for the person who isn’t in the service. You will still be on your own a lot, and there is a chance you will still spend a significant amount of that time apart, depending on what his MOS is.
ETA: It sounds like you are very, very young and not ready to get married as it is. If you are so afraid of telling your parents something like this, it sounds like you have some growing up to do.
Post # 9
There are other options that would better serve your needs, OP.
Post # 10
We’ve both thought about this and yes I know the distance is hard now and I know its going to be rough but knowing that I belong to him as his wife and even though he will come home late and sometimes work very long days and nights, having that confirmation that he will come home to me when he can, comforts me. We both want this and I do think it is an exciting chance for us as a young couple to experience life like this for a while before we think of having kids. If it wasn’t such a scary thought of telling my parents who won’t be happy about our decision, I’d feel more at ease. I would just like some encouragement because nearly every one close to us has something negative to say about him joining and were tired of trying to please everyone. Its wearing us out and killing our relationship by everyone thinking they know what is best for us. I respect their opinion but when it comes down to it, we’re both adults and we need to do what we think is best for us and what God thinks. I love our families but it’s not forever. God will provide and protect us. Wet trust in his guiding and his strength. Without him we are nothing. We can do this. My SO is going today to get paperwork Ready and he needs copies of his bunion surgery papers that he had for his feet. He is doing a very honorable thing and he’s very excited about it.
Post # 11
Military tends to make life hard on couples, not easier. Also if you are unmarried, if he get stationed you won’t be with him (from what I understand). Even married it is tough to handle the military. I had 3 cousins in the military who went the Afgahnastan. I had one uncle drafted to Vietnam. Both Grandpas fought in WWII. My FI dad was drafted to Vietnam. His Grandfather’s flew planes in WWII. We have asked all of our family about their service for a project I was doing. I know 4 friends from high school who joined the Army or Navy. My best friend is doing dentestry for the Army. Each and every one would say do not join the miliatary unless it is what you really want to do.
Post # 12
I don’t think you’re quite getting it. It won’t be “coming home late and long days and nights”…he will be gone, overseas for months or probably close to a year. He will likely get deployed more than once during his time in the military. People around you are being negative because this is not a good choice for y’all’s situation. But you’ve made up your mind and it doesn’t sound like you’re going to change it so I’m not sure why you care so much about other people’s opinions.
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House
If you are having trouble with distance inside the states…the military is not the best option for you. It is my opinion that you should find a way to bridge the gap some other way. I can’t remember reading any of your other posts, but I have some experience in this area.
All 3 of my serious relationships have been long distance at one point: 1 year, 6 months, and FI and I were separated for 3 years and change. We JUST now are living in the same city. My FI is prior military, and there are difficulties to that life that I would not wish on anyone – those do not end at the end of active service, either. I think he AND you need to sit down with a recruiter, or someone that you know, and do some real soul searching on whether that life is for you. There are plenty of blogs around, you may want to search for some.
Try reading this article, which my FI agreed fits him pretty much to a T:
I understand that right now is difficult, believe me, I do. But there must be a reason that you are apart – focus on yourselves, and then work on building a life together when you are able.
Post # 14
I think your SO is to be commended for joining the service.
You should both take great pride in his decision. Yes, it’s a very hard life. But, it’s an honorable one.
Many people enter the military right now in part because the job market is so bad. That’s just reality.
Please thank your SO for me for his willingness to serve.
I believe there are resources for military wives where you can find some support. Plenty of couples have made it through.
Post # 15
You need to come up with a back up plan in case he does not get in. The DOD has had to make huge budget cuts this year. Each branch is currently not accepting re-enlistment from active soldiers.
He wont just be working late nights…he will be gone. For training or deployments. Once you are out of basic there is tons of training. Once trained there are deployments. Once home from deployments there is more training.
I have been with my husband for 6 years and we have spent roughly half that time in the same state. We have gone through 3 deployments and countless TDY’s. Last year alone he was gone for 9.5 months.
The money problems you have will not disappear when he joins. Yes it is a paycheck every other week but he will not be making a ton of money. You can easily look up pay grades and I highly suggest you do…it will be eye opening.
Joining the Military is an honorable commitment but it is a lifetime commitment. You don’t pop in for 4 years, collect some money, see the world, get out of debt and carry on with life. Have you thought of what will happen if he ends up with PTSD, TBI or any of the other scars that come with being in combat?
The romance of being in or married to someone in the Military is not even close to the reality.
Post # 15
Personally, I think my FI joining the military would stress me out way more, no matter the income.