- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2013
My fiance’s father said something to me that left me feeling very hurt and offended.
To start, I have to tell you about the wedding budget. When my fiance and I first got engaged, my fiance’s dad told us he had saved up $10,000 for our wedding. We were thankful and thrilled, and when I started planning the wedding, I started creating a budget breakdown.
Since my fiance’s parents were contributing that amount, my parents would of course want to match it (they are in a comfortable position to do so — I understand not every situation is the same). So when I looked over all the expenses, I decided to ask his parents to pay for rehearsal dinner, the alcohol, and $7500 of the hall. I asked my parents to pay for the limo, the dress, the photographer, the church, the D.J. a few smaller things such as favors, and $4500 of the hall (equaling $10k).
I set aside about $6,000 that I budgetted toward my accessories (veil/shoes/etc), the cake, the flowers, the invitations, the linens, the deposits on 3 vendors, the decorations, and any other small odds and ends such as card box, toasting flutes, etc. My fiance is paying for the honeymoon.
So the other day, i had an awkward conversation with my fiance’s father. Where we had to discuss the fact that all our numbers were based on 250 guests, but since we set that budget, the guest list number creaped up closer to 290. Well, I have a much larger family than my fiance and we have about 40 more guests than their side. So we talked about if we end up having more than 250 show up, my parents and I will cover the extra cost.
Which is fine.
What made me upset was this:
I told him, “if I had known we were going to have so many more people invited than anticipated, I would have had my parents pay for the majority of the hall and you guys pay for all the stuff they are paying for such as the photographer, dj, limo, etc. Since the hall is so numbers-based.”
He replied with, “well when we got married, my wife and I paid for all that stuff.”
I was shocked that he said that.
He also added, and “the dress is between the bride and her mother to pay for. That’s not even part of the wedding money.”
THE HALL IS ONLY $12,000. IF MY PARENTS DIDN’T PAY FOR ALL THAT STUFF, WHAT WOULD THEY PAY FOR????
He insinuated that my parents contribution wasn’t good enough.
My first thought: that’s cool that you and your wife paid for all that when you got married, but we don’t have to do things exactly the same!! Also, I highly doubt things cost the same for you as they do for us. AND, we are contributing in other ways.
And also, I understand that the dress is somewhat separate. But my parents can’t afford to offer me $10,000 worth of stuff for the wedding PLUS a dress that cost almost $1,400.
Shocked, hurt, annoyed…
When he said those comments, I kinda clammed up, and said “Oh well we don’t have to do everything the same as when you got married… heheh” and “well, even though it’s different stuff, it’s equal between you guys and my parents.. heheh” and switched the subject.
And to make matters worse, my fiance doesn’t even think his dad said anything wrong.
And I don’t mean to come off as bratty or ungrateful. I just can’t believe he insinuted that about my parents.
Have you experienced people pointing out how “they did it differently when they got married.”