Post # 1
For those of you who remember the awful BS that my then-FSIL put me and my now-husband through during our wedding planning, you’ll recall that much of it seemed to be stemmed from her discontent with not being engaged or married FIRST.
Well, this weekend, her boyfriend finally proposed to her. While I’m happy for her (the sort of happy that is inherent when anyone you know gets engaged), I am having a hard time mustering any sort of excitement for her, given that she pretty much sucked all the excitement out of our planning and engagement period.
It happened at her surprise birthday party, she had just finished opening her gifts, when her boyfriend said “i have one more gift for you…” and got down on one knee. My MIL and the cousin who also tried sabotaging our wedding started SCREAMING, hands in the air, fast feet, SCREAMING SCREAMING SCREAMING. I remember my mother being excited when I got engaged, but never a display like that. Especially since MIL knew it was coming, it seemed a BIT overdone to me… but I’m probably just being bitter.
DH said to me afterward that he got a little teary-eyed and was really happy for them, and I told him that while I’m happy for them, I am just hoping this means they will stop being heinous toward us (since it hasn’t stopped), and that I’m going to do my best, but it’s not going to be easy putting excitement and effort forward for her wedding/planning when she put so much energy into ruining that time period for us.
I hope it’s a quick engagement.
Post # 3
Yeah, when my FSIL (2 yrs older than fiance) found out we were engaged she basically said she was going to hang herself right after the wedding. How morbid! I wish she was getting engaged because a) she’d be less depressing all the time and b) we’d have something in common to talk about besides the latest ep of Grey’s Anatomy.
Sadly, no boyfriend in sight for her. 🙁
Post # 4
@ItsPronouncedABear – Yikes! That’s terrible! I really feel like I have nothing in common with this girl, and while I’ve forgiven her the best I can under the circumstances for how she acted around our wedding, I just can’t bring myself to get excited. If anything, her engagement has just dredged up the feelings that I had back around our wedding, how hurt and angry I was at how she tried to ruin our wedding and couldnt’ just be happy for us. And then I’m fearing that she’ll ask me to be in the wedding to “prove a point” about how DH and I “should have included her” in ours… and I don’t know how to nicely say “i’d rather have a skunk stapled to my forehead.”
Post # 5
It is a real bummer what they did to you, but I think this could be a turning point in your relationship with them and how easy it is to be around them in the future (even if they are never your best friend)
Remember what you would have liked from them when you were engaged and try to give it to them. You know the whole “be a bigger person” thing or the “you catch more flies with sugar than you do with vinegar”.
If for some reason things dont get better after you showing all the proper support and excitement, you will know that you have done everything you can. Also, I am sure your husband will notice and be proud that you have taken it all in stride and tried to be happy for his family.
Post # 6
@lefeymw, I will of course grit my teeth and be sweet as pie – even during the sh*t they put us through, I was nothing but nice to them both, no matter how hard it was. Basically I’m just tired of the way they’ve continued to treat us since our wedding, and frustrated that once again, I’m going to be expected to plaster on a smile and act over-the-top thrilled for them, and if I don’t act 150% thrilled at all times, I’m going to be labeled the b*tch again. I told DH that I would do the best I could, but it’s hard to forget what they put us through. I would never do that to someone, even someone I hated.
Post # 7
@7SEVENJ9: Can you distance yourself from the planning and that? It sounds like keeping a safe distance from planning could help you. Just think of it where you just have to show up for the shower and wedding, smile your way through the thing. There are always people who suck the excitement out of life events. It’s easier to ignore and not engage them than to be wrapped up in it.
Post # 8
@carrieknitscake – I’m hoping that’ll be possible… but we’ll see. They live in the same town as us, and I’ve already had people texting me to tell me how excited they are for SIL and her fiance, I feel like talk of their wedding will be inescapable no matter where we are.
As for the kill em’ with kindness – that’s usually my MO – so I’ll likely resort to that, even though the hurt part of me wants to reciprocate the feeling they pushed on us (I would never do that, ever, no matter how much I would want to, because I would never want to put anyone through what we went through).
Post # 9
@7SEVENJ9:I have been in a situation similar to yours with my older sister and her SIL. The girl did everything she possibly could to make my sisters planning time and wedding day all about her, She even whent as far as to “Pass out” in the reception claiming my sister had ordered her dress too small when it was obvious nothing was too small for the chick.
My sister confronted her mid reception and told her if she didn’t shut up she would show her how a real woman handed her feelings. We are from Louisiana and have a but of coonass in our blood so sometimes we handle things a little differntly than most people think we should.
I’m not saying confront the chick. But be yourself if they ask your opinion on a dress and you hate it Tell them. If you’re late or make something complicated on accident (or purpose ;]) Tell them to build a bridge, and if they label you as the b*tch for just because you’re being who you are just say. Yeah I am ;] And proud of it. They may not ever be your friends but don’t let them change who you are. Be nice and cordial but stand up for yourself. Respect yourself or they’ll never respect you. Be who your husband fell in love with and if they don’t like it. Tell’em to suck it. (You may want to rephrase this if your family is in a higher society.)
Post # 10
@SnapShot Bride – I would LOVE to confront her, my MIL and the cousin – MIL for enabling this behavior SIL’s whole life, SIL for all the stuff she did to her brother and me (including spreading rumours that I forced DH to propose and that he wasn’t ready, rumours that our wedding was 3 hours away with no lodging available, drunk-dialing her brother a few months before the wedding telling him that if she had gotten married first, she would have set the RIGHT precedent by including both of us in the wedding, that she was furious about the date we chose because it didn’t give her the chance to get married first, renting a party bus for her and her “posse” to take to the wedding and having so little respect for her brother that they all showed up sh*tfaced to our ceremony… the list goes on), Cousin-IL for being a conniving, backstabbing b*tch and going out of her way to try to stir the pot and make trouble for us.
But my husband has asked me not to. He says he will handle those conversations, and leading up to the wedding, he did. I will be shiny and happy on the days that require it, but praying that I don’t get the bridesmaid invitation.
Post # 11
OMG, I havent signed in for months but I just HAD to follow up with the SIL drama you were going though. I can not believe she showed up in a freaking party bus – drunk!!! I am still having FSIL drama myself… in fact, she is not invited at this point. This was the FI decision, and boy do I support it, obviously! I can’t believe people are so aweful. Hope all is well with you!! 🙂