Post # 1
Bees, I was wondering if this has ever happened to you, and if I handled the situation well.
I went on a job interview today and wore my e-ring. It never occurred to me not to. My ring isn’t huge, but the setting is kind of swirly and rather unique and I’ve had it less than 2 weeks so I’m not completely used to it yet.
I met with my potential boss and 2 potential coworkers. The boss was a woman around 50-ish, I’m guessing and the coworkers looked around early 30’s. I mention that only because I’m 25 and was the youngest one there. This is for an job in accounting.
The boss woman was talking about hours and vacation and how they submit their requests and she looked at my ring and said “do you have any big plans coming up the next year?” I obviously knew what she was getting at so I said “I may possibly.” which is true because we have not yet set a wedding date. She then said you cannot submit your request sooner than 6 months in advance.
Then one of the coworkers complimented my ring and came right out and asked if my ring was an engagement ring. I said yes. Then she asked “when is the big day?” I didn’t think they could come right out and ask me that so I said I didn’t feel comfortable talking about my personal life.
That obviously didn’t go over so well. The boss said they need to know as far ahead of time as possible if I was planning on taking any big chunks of time off. I said that I thought she just said you cannot request time sooner than 6 months ahead of time. She said while you formally cannot, they like to know in advance if you plan on taking a lot of time off.
So I said that I’m not sure what my plans are but if hired I would respect their wishes and let them know in advance if I needed time off.
Before I left the same coworker grabbed my hand to take a closer look at my ring and said “someone’s fiance makes a good buck!”
These people really turned me off, but seeing that I am without a job at the end of the week, maybe I’m overreacting by being upset.
What do you think?
Post # 3
I would not recommend wearng the engagement ring to the interviews. It’s catching their attention and letting them judge you on something they shouldn’t be allowed to judge you on, when deciding if you’re fit for the job.
I find the comment “someone’s fiance makes a good buck!” quite rude, sorry they said that. Maybe the person was trying to comfort you (or themselves) that you’d be ok, knowing you wouldn’t get the job.
Here’s another thing I’d point out though, which I’d suggest you go about differently. You did seem to come across a bit coy about the wedding plans. That coyness would make me wary in that situation. I don’t know if they are legally allowed to ask or not, but I would have made it very clear that I respected that they’d need to know ASAP, and I would let them know as soon as we set a date, but we haven’t even done that yet so it’s not in the imminent future. That would be reassuringly forthright, IMO.
Post # 4
I’ll preface this by saying that I have very little experience in interviewing, so I could be 100% wrong, but here is my take:
I don’t think you handled that very well. You sounded cagey/paranoid and like you were trying to hide something. Especially when the other lady sounded like she was just trying to be nice and ask when your wedding was.
I hope you get the job though and can all laugh about it later.
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
@ButterflyButterfly: I would be completely put off. I am a little more sensitive than most in how other people affect me though. The next time I would probably just say something along the lines of “we have not made any plans yet but whoever I am working with would know around when I was thinking of and I would respect the policies of my workplace for requesting time off” (agree with PP that said that you sounded kind of cagey). I think that she just wants to know that you are not suddenly going to take off two weeks or something and just be gone out of the job. Ugh.
I got engaged after a while inthis job so I don’t know about interviewing engaged.
Post # 6
I think it would probably have been easier to just say, “We haven’t decided on a date yet, but it will definitely be more than 6 months from now, so no worries. I would of course let you know about any potential time off as soon as we have our date set.”
Post # 7
All extremely inappropriate interview questions and comments! Technically they cannot ask you anything about your personal life, but I guess if this may be an issue you might consider not wearing it so people aren’t that stupid again (I’m sure they will be)
Post # 8
I would report those idiots. Their comments were extremely inappropriate during an interview. I hope you don’t consider working with people like that.
Post # 9
Wow. Yup, they had no tact whatsoever. You could’ve handled it a little better, but really, they put you on the spot and made you uncomfortable in an already nerve-wracking situation. Who knows what I would’ve said, lol!
Post # 10
@ButterflyButterfly: Are you in the US? Technically, it’s illegal for employers to inquire about your marital status during an interview, or even ask questions that ask in so many words (“so are you planning on taking any big chunks of time off?” while staring at your ring, for example).
Post # 11
At least you got an interview! I can’t even seem to pull one, it’s quite demoralising!
I’ve got an e-ring AND a wedding ring and my friend who works in recruitment suggested I remove them for interviews. That’s a ‘nice’ idea but when I take my rings off I have an indent from my rings and it would take a few hours for that indent to disappear! Meaning on the day of my interview I would not be wearing my rings and the ladies I work with currently are quite good at noticing little things like that – totally suss and would no doubt draw their attention especially if I had more than a few interviews!
Not for the first time do I wish it was ‘easier’ being female.
Post # 12
I’ve interviewed many people, and you know that there are things you DON’T talk about. Marital status and pregnancy are big no-no topics. I think it’s rude of them to ask, but next time if something like this happens again just mention that there’s no set date yet, but that it’s nothing that will be coming up too soon. No big deal.
Post # 13
@ButterflyButterfly: Their comments were totally inappropriate and unprofessional. They should not have put you in such an awkward position. If you are offered the job, you should seriously consider not taking it. I think it is unlikely that it would be a good environment to work in.
I completely understand your reaction. I don’t think you handled it badly – it sounds like you were a little blindsided. However, if something like that happens again, you could just say ‘were I offered the position, I would discuss any vacation time I needed with HR at that time.’ Emphasis on ‘at that time.’
Post # 14
I probably would have just said, “we haven’t set a date yet, but its definitely not within the next 6 months” and left it at that.
They shouldn’t have asked, but they did so what can ya do? I probably wouldn’t report them unless you felt really offended or if you don’t get the job and you think its based on that.
I’d just take your ring off for any future interviews.
Post # 15
I wouldn’t want to work there after an interview like that, so I understand why you reacted the way you did. People really need to remember that candidates are interviewing the company as much as the company is interviewing the candidate…
BUT if it happens again, I would suggest you just be honest about it, instead of acting like you have something to hide. If you’re truly a good fit for the company and vice versa, then they’re not going to throw your resume out ONLY because you’re planning to take 2 week’s vacation off in 9 months so you can get married.
Post # 16
Oh my goodness, if it wasn’t for the boss being female, I would have thought you interviewed at the CPA firm I used to work for. He would ask the most inappropriate questions like where kids will go during work hours, what does the husband do, etc. I had to casually coach him on inappropriate questions. Eventually I just took over the interviews.
Those are inappropriate questions to ask and yes, you didn’t react well. I agree with PP though. As much as it sucks, it’s a good idea to leave the jewelry at home.