Went on an interview and was asked about my ring!

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

I would not recommend wearng the engagement ring to the interviews. It’s catching their attention and letting them judge you on something they shouldn’t be allowed to judge you on, when deciding if you’re fit for the job.

I find the comment “someone’s fiance makes a good buck!” quite rude, sorry they said that. Maybe the person was trying to comfort you (or themselves) that you’d be ok, knowing you wouldn’t get the job.

Here’s another thing I’d point out though, which I’d suggest you go about differently. You did seem to come across a bit coy about the wedding plans. That coyness would make me wary in that situation. I don’t know if they are legally allowed to ask or not, but I would have made it very clear that I respected that they’d need to know ASAP, and I would let them know as soon as we set a date, but we haven’t even done that yet so it’s not in the imminent future. That would be reassuringly forthright, IMO.

Post # 4
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’ll preface this by saying that I have very little experience in interviewing, so I could be 100% wrong, but here is my take:

I don’t think you handled that very well. You sounded cagey/paranoid and like you were trying to hide something. Especially when the other lady sounded like she was just trying to be nice and ask when your wedding was. 

I hope you get the job though and can all laugh about it later. 

Post # 5
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@ButterflyButterfly:  I would be completely put off. I am a little more sensitive than most in how other people affect me though. The next time I would probably just say something along the lines of “we have not made any plans yet but whoever I am working with would know around when I was thinking of and I would respect the policies of my workplace for requesting time off” (agree with PP that said that you sounded kind of cagey). I think that she just wants to know that you are not suddenly going to take off two weeks or something and just be gone out of the job. Ugh. 

I got engaged after a while inthis job so I don’t know about interviewing engaged.

Post # 6
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Everdeen:  +1

I think it would probably have been easier to just say, “We haven’t decided on a date yet, but it will definitely be more than 6 months from now, so no worries. I would of course let you know about any potential time off as soon as we have our date set.”

Post # 7
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

All extremely inappropriate interview questions and comments! Technically they cannot ask you anything about your personal life, but I guess if this may be an issue you might consider not wearing it so people aren’t that stupid again (I’m sure they will be)

Post # 8
Member
2449 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would report those idiots. Their comments were extremely inappropriate during an interview. I hope you don’t consider working with people like that. 

Post # 9
Member
795 posts
Busy bee

Wow. Yup, they had no tact whatsoever. You could’ve handled it a little better, but really, they put you on the spot and made you uncomfortable in an already nerve-wracking situation. Who knows what I would’ve said, lol! 

Post # 10
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@ButterflyButterfly:  Are you in the US? Technically, it’s illegal for employers to inquire about your marital status during an interview, or even ask questions that ask in so many words (“so are you planning on taking any big chunks of time off?” while staring at your ring, for example). 

Post # 11
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

At least you got an interview! I can’t even seem to pull one, it’s quite demoralising! 

 

I’ve got an e-ring AND a wedding ring and my friend who works in recruitment suggested I remove them for interviews. That’s a ‘nice’ idea but when I take my rings off I have an indent from my rings and it would take a few hours for that indent to disappear! Meaning on the day of my interview I would not be wearing my rings and the ladies I work with currently are quite good at noticing little things like that – totally suss and would no doubt draw their attention especially if I had more than a few interviews! 

 

Not for the first time do I wish it was ‘easier’ being female. 

Post # 12
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

I’ve interviewed many people, and you know that there are things you DON’T talk about.  Marital status and pregnancy are big no-no topics.  I think it’s rude of them to ask, but next time if something like this happens again just mention that there’s no set date yet, but that it’s nothing that will be coming up too soon.  No big deal.

Post # 13
Member
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@ButterflyButterfly:  Their comments were totally inappropriate and unprofessional. They should not have put you in such an awkward position. If you are offered the job, you should seriously consider not taking it. I think it is unlikely that it would be a good environment to work in. 

I completely understand your reaction. I don’t think you handled it badly – it sounds like you were a little blindsided. However, if something like that happens again, you could just say ‘were I offered the position, I would discuss any vacation time I needed with HR at that time.’ Emphasis on ‘at that time.’ 

Post # 14
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I probably would have just said, “we haven’t set a date yet, but its definitely not within the next 6 months” and left it at that.

They shouldn’t have asked, but they did so what can ya do? I probably wouldn’t report them unless you felt really offended or if you don’t get the job and you think its based on that.

I’d just take your ring off for any future interviews.

Post # 15
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I wouldn’t want to work there after an interview like that, so I understand why you reacted the way you did. People really need to remember that candidates are interviewing the company as much as the company is interviewing the candidate…

BUT if it happens again, I would suggest you just be honest about it, instead of acting like you have something to hide. If you’re truly a good fit for the company and vice versa, then they’re not going to throw your resume out ONLY because you’re planning to take 2 week’s vacation off in 9 months so you can get married. 

Post # 16
Member
2720 posts
Sugar bee

Oh my goodness, if it wasn’t for the boss being female, I would have thought you interviewed at the CPA firm I used to work for. He would ask the most inappropriate questions like where kids will go during work hours, what does the husband do, etc. I had to casually coach him on inappropriate questions. Eventually I just took over the interviews. 

Those are inappropriate questions to ask and yes, you didn’t react well. I agree with PP though. As much as it sucks, it’s a good idea to leave the jewelry at home. 

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