- 7 years ago
I will start by saying we adore this couple. They are classy people and a lot of fun so we of course had high expectatoins for their “$28,000 wedding” which is what they bragged about for months beforehand… weird I know. In this redneck town, a $28,000 is a big deal.
The bride walked down the aisle to “make a baby” music. It was horrendous.
The ceremony was in an art gallery which I thought was awesome but it echoed so badly in there because of the metal ceilings and concrete floors. Everything the preacher said was repeated like three times in echoes.
There were kids running around and ripping chair covers off and wearing them around. I actually laughed for a while since it was hilarious, but then no one stopped them during the ceremony. They were stepping on the brides dress and running through the BMs legs.
All of the BMs were falling out of their strapless dresses. One of the girls boobs actually popped out when she bent over to fix the brides train. We got quite a kick out of this because FI literally said 5 minutes before when she walked down, “wow, that dress isn’t going to make it all night.”
The preacher forgot to ask who gives the bride away so her and her dad stood up there the entire time. She had to say her vows to the groom while still standing with her dad, both looking confused. Awkward.
The preacher forgot to announce them husband and wife. Like he just stopped talking all the sudden so they pecked each other awkwardly and then they walked/ran out of there.
The reception space was on the 12th floor of a historic hotel- freakin awesome right? No, not awesome because we were on the 12th floor in a building with no AC in Texas, in JULY. Yes, it was 109 degrees that day.
An annoucement was made that couples would have to share a plate AND silverware. I mean, we share stuff all the time but not out of necessity lol. We hadn’t eaten since the invite said “dinner and dancing” and we should have! By the time we got to the buffet line, there was an empty pan where there was once… chicken? Maybe? All that was left was corn and green beans and wilted salad with a choice of ranch dressing or… ranch.
So, we’re sitting there sweating like Dom Delouise in our formal attire and we realize everyone is wearing sagging jeans and sneakers? The music was atrocious. How many cheesy 90’s R&B songs can you play in a span of three hours? A lot, that’s how many.
No alcohol for us, the common folk. The best man brought in a cardboard box of a bunch of different bottles from a liquor store and made the announcement that it was for bridal party only. We like to drink. If it’s a dry wedding then we don’t mind but if it’s BYOB you should probably let people know beforehand.
No water in a room that was 90+ degrees, only sweet tea. Who wants sugary anything when you’re freakin losing electrolytes.
The table were set up theater style with a narrow walkway in between in the middle. We soon realized this was the “dance floor”. When the DJ announced it was time for the bridal party to start the party, all these girls came out to the “dance floor” wearing close to nothing and began booty popping inches away from our table. I mean like clubbing clothes. I saw underpants and I was done. I felt like I should have brought some ones because I thought one of us was about to get a lap dance..
We left very soon after that and went to McDonalds on the way home. I never though a southwestern salad could taste so good.
So after laying in bed awake many many nights worrying if our wedding will be crappy, I got a nice restful night’s sleep knowing that it will be just fine.