Post # 1
Had to create a separate profile for this (since it’s still a secret), but Fiance and I booked our Flights & Hotel to Atlantis in the Bahamas for early August. We’re eloping!
Since before we got engaged, we’ve discussed the option, and it suits us well. Our families are far apart and both detest the grandeur (& cost!) of traditional weddings.
Now, I just need to find a way to break it to my Best Friend.
She’s been aware of the possiblity of us going away to get married, but has always insisted that she’d want to be there… I appreciate the sentiment, but genuinly just want it to be the two of us.
To make matters worse… her wedding is next month. While there are only 20 or so guests, it’s a Three Day Event, 3hrs from home. Not to mention the Bachellor/ette party we all attended earlier this month in Las Vegas – she might not understand my want for a private wedding.
Oh, and we’re actually departing for The Bahamas *on her birthday* :-/
Please Note: I definitly won’t wait till we return to tell her, she’d be crushed beyond repair – and I would like her assistance in picking a dress, or other plans for the trip (as I’ve been her Maid of Honour, I know she wants to be mine, in any capacity).
All I know at this point is that I’ll wait till after her wedding, and the excitement from all of that has died down (late-June) – any help/ideas on breaking the news would be greatly appreciated!
Post # 3
I think it’s a good idea to wait til after the wedding. And if she asks just say this day (or 3 days) is about you! My only advice is don’t feel too hard on yourself. It’s what you both want. Good for you for eloping! I really wish it could be like that for me and my Fiance but I’m happy with how it’s turned out.
Post # 4
I’d advise you to tread very carefully and be sensitive. It sounds like you are since you are already considering how your friend might feel.
I found myself in a similar situation where two close friends of mine eloped to get married; I only found out after I’d been to help choose a wedding dress etc. I knew they wanted to go abroad to get married but didn’t realise that they would elope, just the two of them.
I was absolutely crushed; made worse by them both overlooking events such as my birthday.
Of course it is totally up to the bride and groom to have the wedding of their choice and your plans sound beautiful.
My friendship is nowhere near as close as it was and I will never forget how I was made to feel.
I think your friend will understand that you want to elope, I think it imperative though that you highlight that this is not a rejection or exclusion of her.
Post # 5
I’m having a super intimate wedding, family only, so I had to have this conversation with my BFF a few months ago. I basically enlisted her as my unofficial wedding planner, so she is with me in all planning and most decisions about the wedding, she just wont be there on the day. She was fine with it.
Post # 6
We’re having an intimate wedding with just the two of us. We told everyone we just wanted to go somewhere and get married just the two of us. Our families were understanding.
When I told my best friend our plans, she responded with she wanted to be there too. Understandably, we’ve been friends since 2nd grade. I tried to explain to her that we didn’t want to whole wedding/reception thing and wanted the day to be about us instead of having to focus on whether people were going to get along or have a good time. I told her that it’d just be my fiance and I from the beginning.
I thought including her with wedding stuff like dress shopping would help her not feel left out. When we went, she proceeded to tell me that her husband gave her permission to travel for our wedding. I didn’t come out and say she wasn’t invited, but I tried to explain it’d be awkward to travel with us to our wedding/mini-honeymoon and if she were the only person there, our families may be upset that they weren’t given the option to come. She still didn’t understand, so finally the other day I had to emphasized “Just us two” and no one else and I think she finally realized I meant it.
It’s a tough situation, but it’ll be better if she knows beforehand.
Post # 7
@sixtynine: Thanks for the insight on what she might feel like on the other side of things.
I don’t know what we’ll have left to plan by the time I tell her, but I do want to her include her, so perhaps offer her to spend a “Girls Day” with me, spa, etc before I go as our time together…
@hunnysgethitched: This is my exact situation, I’m worried that she’ll want to come so badly she won’t understand how awkward it would be. It really is *just the two of us* and I really don’t want to hurt her feelings.
Thanks for everyone’s advise… in the long-term I know she’ll be OK and will understand once she sees our photos, and everything, that it’s just about Me & My New Husband… it’s just getting to the acceptance part that I’m worried about.