- 8 years ago
- Wedding: March 2010
This will be a little long, as it needs some backstory, but the gist of it is: We have 6 weeks until our wedding day and we decided 2 days ago to have two ceremonies instead of just one!
Here’s why: I’m a really private person and so is my fiance, which is why we wanted a City Hall ceremony in the first place. It was just going to be us and our parents and my brother. We are still holding a reception for about 50 later in the day, as we both wanted to celebrate with our loved ones, because CH won’t allow more than 6 guests.
The more I thought about it, the more I really wanted to elope, as in nobody is there at City Hall but us. Well, I’m sure you can imagine how that would go over with our parents, especially after we already told them they could be there. Before I even got engaged, my mom demanded that I promise I would never elope.
I started going to therapy because I was so upset about the impending ceremony. I was excited to be married, I just was terrified of the actual ceremony. I described it as Stage Fright; I don’t want anybody looking at me while I express my love for my husband. I hate being the center of attention; I hate my birthday parties, I hate regular parties. I’m SHY! I thought it would ease my stage fright to have less people there at the ceremony, but actually it made me feel worse, since there would be nothing else for them to look at, like a church or bridesmaids or a flower girl.
I’ve spent months crying in my psychologist’s office every week. I told her I didn’t want to share this intimate moment with anyone but my future husband. I described it as being forced to have sex on a stage; I cannot handle being that intimate and close with someone emotionally in pubic, just like I can’t do it physically. And who would be proud to get it on with their families watching? That’s what it felt like for me. But nobody thinks eloping is romantic except the couple doing it; it pisses off family and friends, which I can understand. I know they want to be there.
Before Christmas, my fiance and I tested the waters by telling his mother that we wanted to have a private (only us) ceremony, and then celebrate with everybody at the reception. I knew my own mother would explode, we thought my Future Mother-In-Law would handle it better. WRONG. It was as awful as you could imagine; she was screaming at my fiance on the phone (she lives far away) and made him cry. It totally blew up in our faces. We backed down and took back what we said. I was back to square one.
Now we’ve got six weeks to go, and 2 days ago I was still terrified. At my most recent appointment, my therapist said an idea struck her, and it was so simple I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me or my fiance months ago. Two ceremonies! One for us, one for them! We’ve already got a great reception venue; why not hold a second ceremony there?! There’s totally enough space, and now we’ve decided to surprise our guests with a ceremony, as we have already sent out invites asking them to only the reception.
I’m more than happy to have another ceremony for our guests, as I would like them to enjoy our special day. I just wanted to be happy with it, too. Obviously we have told our parents, and all of them are excited about the idea.
So with a month and a half left, we have to find an officiant! Technically they don’t have to be a legal officiant, as the City Hall ceremony will be the legal part. We’re both atheists, so we need somebody non-religious.
Am I the only one who is afraid of expressing their feelings in public? How do people stand up in front of 150 people and get emotional and share something so special with your future husband? I felt selfish for wanting to elope, but I couldn’t shake the idea of wanting something private.
Are you looking forward to getting up in front of everybody? How are you handling your emotions?