- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Ugh, don't you hate how sometimes weddings bring out the worst in people?
I would sit down with them and explain that the reading and ceremony meant a lot to you, and that you put a lot of time and thought into them. Explain that equal rights mean a lot to you and your husband, and the ceremony was an expression of the two of you as a couple.
Were they not very involved in the planning? It sounds like they were taken by surprise. We're also struggling with how much of ourselves to incorporate vs. how much to put up with to make family happy. It's a fine line, and there's no easy answer.
Good for you for taking a stand against bigotry though!
i agree with lily that maybe you should both explain your feelings on equal rights and gay marriage. it's what you strongly believe and even if they disagree they should respect that as your belief.
likewise, i wouldn't jump to conclusions and say they hate a large subset of the population. that is a very strong assumption. some christians simply don't believe in gay marriage as the Bible is clear on what denotes a marriage and so forth. just because they choose to follow that tenant doesn't immediately equate to them being hateful. i don't always agree with what my loved ones do with their lives but does that mean i hate them? no. we are all free to believe as we want but i always cringe when we start labeling people as hateful when their beliefs contradict our own. just be mindful of that.
Hey Ferris Wheel - I think it's important for you to explain to your ILs why you and your husband choose to incorporate the things you did into your wedding. Hopefully they'll come around and understand, and hopefully their emotional reaction was the result of the surprise, and can be diffused.
As a Christian myself, I agree with you - it's not okay for anyone to hate. Of course we can't know the whole situation, but I do think (or hope, rather, for their sake) you may be pre-emptively assuming that their reaction is based out of hatred. I just don't want anyone to assume all Christians hate the LGBT community - some of us genuinely do love them! My J and I are both very dedicated Christians, and we too hope to incorporate something into our wedding expressing our sentiments.
I know that I'll have family members who are upset, but it's not because they hate anyone, it's just because they've always been taught that certain behaviors are wrong. Part of what we're trying to do is help them change their mindset. Old dogs can learn new tricks, if you know what I mean.
I think you could really take a great opportunity to talk to your ILs about the things you care about, and hear their perspective. Maybe you can both grow from the discussion.
Sorry you have this to deal with! I may have a similar issue, though I hope I can address it in advance with some relatives (though I know not all will be ok with it). Be proud, and know that this may have been a step to something better. I hope you can breech this issue succcessfully and even open their minds a little on this issue.
What reading did you use? My fiancee and I are looking to do something similar and I'm looking for good sources.
I'm sorry you have to deal with drama on an otherwise wonderful and joyous day. If you would share that reading, I would be thrilled.
We used Goodrich vs. Boston Health Department as one of our readings, but we did not explain the source further to our guests. Many of the very staunch Christians amongst our family complimented us on the sentiment, though they weren't aware of exactly where the reading came from.
I'm sorry that they are hurt, but time heals all and they will eventually get over it, I'm sure! I think you can choose to discuss it or not, and they'll be fine either way. What will make you feel best?
awww *hugs* Congrats on being married.
It's ridiculous that these people can't just be happy for you!
It is not your 'job to make it right' by any means. You did nothing wrong, hence there is nothing 'to make right.' You had your ceremony in a way that was meaningful to you and your FI (husband!) and that's what it should be. I know, girls say a lot of times that RECEPTIONS are about more than just the bride and groom, but the ceremony? It's ALL about you two! If you didn't want their friend who is clergy, or any clergy at all - that's your business and right to marry how you please. I certainly don't think you should feel bad and I think it's grossly out of line for them to say stuff like that, regardless of what they feel or think. Apparently they have never heard of the saying 'bite your tongue?' Besides, I am of the mindset that religious ceremonies only mean something if you are both spiritually connected to it. Although neither Mr. Luna nor I are religious, my grandfather who is a minister is going to be our officiant (we both believe in God, we just aren't active church goers or anything), so it works for us. I just hope that regardless of what your in-laws think, you enjoyed your wedding and will look back on it fondly. As for them, meh. They said their piece - if they keep pushing the issue, you and your husband need to have a united front on this and put your foot down if you firmly believe in what you did. I would just say don't start letting them push you around so early in the marriage, otherwise you might just end up as their doormat.
Congratulations and Best in Life,
Bella
You have absolutely nothing "to make right." It was your ceremony for your marriage. I'd explain politely that the ceremony was meaningful to the two of you and that's why you chose it. If they continue to press, gently explain anything they ask about, but you have no need to justify it.
Argh! This makes me mad. I hate how people claim to be Christians but then judge others, and dislike them. It's not up to us to judge others, really in my opnion only God can do that. But I agree with the bee's. I wouldn't try to fix anything, you did nothing wrong. It was your wedding first off, so it doesn't really matter that the reading bothered them, or who you had to marry you. They will get over it eventually.
Sorry that you had to go through this too.
Perhaps after some 'simmering time' and they've cooled down, you guys can gently but firmly explain your position?
We encountered the same thing. Big hugs to you, and good luck.
Congratulations on your wedding! I too am a Christian and so is my guy. We're also conservatives but think that if you're in love and capable of the committment and loving for life, then it doesn't matter if you're male or female. Gay or straight. That you should be able to marry.
Maybe in time if they search their hearts they will find the answer too that love is more the message they should read. Imho, I think people will be able to marry soon regardless of their sex, but it will be up to the churches and the different denominations and religions on how they approach the religious ceremonies. That part is more difficult and up to the religion itself. But we're with ya!
I have two good friends, also conservatives who are openly gay and the most wonderful couple ever. They raised my friend J's son (one of the partners) and were great parents to him. I love my friend and I love the fact he's in such a wonderful relationship and that they so love his child too. When you see something like that, you cannot ignore that love is powerful. It crosses boundaries.
Thanks for the advice and support! No, they were not involved in the planning process - we live 1000 miles apart.
The reading was from Plato's Symposium. It starts with "Humans have never understood the power of Love..." It was a little long, but it's great.
BTW, I think that reading is gorgeous - it was a top contender for our wedding as well! For the bees who haven't read it, here it is:
Humans have never understood the power of Love, for if they had they would surely have built noble temples and altars and offered solemn sacrifices; but this is not done, and most certainly ought to be done, since Love is our best friend, our helper, and the healer of the ills which prevent us from being happy.
To understand the power of Love, we must understand that our original human nature was not like it is now, but different. Human beings each had two sets of arms, two sets of legs, and two faces looking in opposite directions. There were three sexes then: one comprised of two men called the children of the Sun, one made of two women called the children of the Earth, and a third made of a man and a woman, called the children of the Moon. Due to the power and might of these original humans, the Gods began to fear that their reign might be threatened. They sought for a way to end the humans’ insolence without destroying them.
It was at this point that Zeus divided the humans in half. After the division the two parts of each desiring their other half, came together, and throwing their arms about one another, entwined in mutual embraces, longing to grow into one. So ancient is the desire of one another which is implanted in us, reuniting our original nature, making one of two, and healing the state of humankind.
Each of us when separated, having one side only, is but the indenture of a person, and we are always looking for our other half. Those whose original nature lies with the children of the Sun are men who are drawn to other men, those from the children of the Earth are women who love other women, and those from the children of the Moon are men and women drawn to one another. And when one of us meets our other half, we are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and would not be out of the other’s sight even for a moment. We pass our whole lives together, desiring that we should be melted into one, to spend our lives as one person instead of two, and so that after our death there will be one departed soul instead of two; this is the very expression of our ancient need. And the reason is that human nature was originally one and we were a whole, and the desire and pursuit of the whole is called Love.
That is a beautiful reading. I will pass it on to a couple I know who is going to get married.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 94 |
| ndreighton | 81 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 56 |
| beargoose | 55 |
| Mrs.KMM | 46 |
| akp0702 | 42 |
| BetterSherm | 42 |
| MrsBlueSeptember | 41 |
| MrsPom | 37 |
| Beckster329 | 37 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MerryWidow | 6 |
 bricon |
6 |
| Jade33 | 6 |
| Sunfire | 6 |
| WillyNilly | 6 |
| Shera2550 | 6 |
| cardnasac | 5 |
| mags2233 | 4 |
| lorie | 4 |
| ananombee | 4 |
We had a nontraditional ceremony. His brother officiated it at the park by our house. We felt we needed to express how lucky we are to be able to marry, and how unfortunate it is that our gay friends cannot. A friend of mine read a passage reflecting this. I thought it was lovely.
A week later his dad calls. (BTW - his parents are VERY Christian; we are not at all). Why did you choose to have a civil ceremony? Why didn't you have a religious ceremony? Why didn't you have our priest friend marry you? How could you choose that reading, etc., etc.
I didn't know this until now, but we rubbed his parents and some of their friends the wrong way.
Part of me feels terrible about this. I don't want them to be mad at us! Part of me feels angry at how bigoted they are. You claim to be a Christian, but it's okay for you to hate a large subset of the population?
Is it my job to make this right?