(Closed) We’re not religious, but FIL are. Add prayers or not?

posted 7 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: Wedding Ceremony: What should we do? We aren't religious, his distant family is.
    Add one prayer reading to your ceremony : (5 votes)
    21 %
    Don't add any prayers : (19 votes)
    79 %
    Other (explain) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    24 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    It’s your wedding. If you’re not religious, sorry, that’s the end of the discussion. A wedding is the start of your married life – you should go into it being open and honest. If you aren’t religious, then you aren’t religious, and neither should be your wedding. 

    Wouldn’t you feel uncomfortable with religious vows if you aren’t religious? It doesn’t make sense to me to say vows (in a ceremony) that you don’t believe in. That kind of defeats the purpose. Even if you just added prayers, wouldn’t it be a little awkward for you and your FI? If people want to pray for you and your marriage on their own, they will.

    It doesn’t really matter what they will do/say; it’s your wedding, not theirs. If they want to have a religious wedding, they can. If you are really worried, though, have a closer family member tell them before the wedding that it won’t be a religious service (end of discussion). 

    Is the ceremony being held at a church? If not, they should get the hint.

    Post # 4
    Member
    9057 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    We’re not super religious, and had an outdoor ceremony with a JP.  We did however have someone say grace before dinner to make our families more comfortable.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3482 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Your ceremony is about you and your FI, be true to yourselves. Don’t include something that you’re not comfortable with just to humor someone else. If you really want to include a prayer so that the distant family members aren’t scandalized, then have someone say something at the reception. The ceremony isn’t the time for it.

    Post # 7
    Member
    74 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    If you’re not uncomfortable with a prayer, I vote to include it as just something read or spoken by the officiant, not by you. You’re simply giving the believers an opportunity to say a prayer on your behalf, allowing them to support you in a way that’s important to them. Think of it as being inclusive, not as being dishonest.

    We’re not religious at all, but there is some traditional Christian language in our service. I did take out the parts where we’d say “in the name of God” because that felt awkward.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2373 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2008

    You need to do what you’re comfortable with. Personally, prayer makes me uncomfortable and I don’t associate religion with our marriage so it didn’t make sense to add one in there.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1264 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Maybe instead of a prayer you could find a reading that’s religion-based but not overly religious?  Some of the religious readings have lovely sentiments without being obviously bible-based.  Might be a nice way to keep verybody happy?

    Post # 10
    Member
    939 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    from just reading the topic i was going to say to suck it up and add at least one, but after reading your post and seeing that it’s not his immediate family, that it’s actually distant family, then i say no, don’t add any if you don’t want too.  it’s your ceremony, not theirs.  they had/will have their chance to do a wedding they want.  would they take out bible readings/prayers to make the non-religious more comfortable? i highly doubt it, nor should they.  Everyone’s wedding ceremony should be custom made to suit the couple, not the guests. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    4336 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Personally, I’m very religious, and I don’t like the idea of someone of someone who doesn’t share my beliefs “pretending to” by saying a prayer or something. Since you clearly don’t want to, I wonder why your FILs want to try and make you pretend you believe in something that you don’t. (Ok, I’m not sure if that all sounded like what I mean it to. It sounded better in my head.)

    Anyhow, could you do a reading from the Bible that’s not overtly religious, like the “Love is patient” passage or something? That should “appease” them.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3672 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    We aren’t religious, my husband’s immediate family is semi-religious, and his extended family is pretty religious.  His extended family that is very religious wasn’t able to make it but that didn’t make a difference to us, we didn’t have a prayer in our ceremony.  In fact, we reviewed our ceremony before and loved it and it was only afterward and only after his brother and mom pointed it out that we noticed it only referenced God once (I believe it said “May God bless this marriage”).  We still didn’t care, we associate marriage as the joining of two people in love and not so much a religious event as other people we know do.  I say that if it isn’t who you are, don’t put it in there.  

    We did have a ring warming ceremony though that may be an option for you.  We had our rings passed around and people were told they could bless our marriage, pray for our marriage, or just wish us well (all silently) so it allowed those who wanted a prayer to say one personally. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    994 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    It’s YOUR wedding 🙂

    Post # 14
    Member
    7695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Do what you want. We did not have any mention of God, religion, any prayers or bible or Torah readings whatsoever. We wanted our ceremony to be about us and be true to ourselves. At one point his parents got upset because we were not being married by a Rabbi but we stuck to our guns and didnt let that sway us. You need to do what is right for you and not what other people expect or want.

    Post # 15
    Member
    6572 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I wouln’t add them if you don’t want them. It’s not fair that they push religion on you, when you would never tell them they couldn’t pray at their wedding.

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