Post # 1
Three years ago my wonderful husband proposed with a beautiful 1-carat diamond solitaire that had belonged to his grandmother. I had never been a ‘ring girl’ until I saw this baby, but couldn’t stop looking at it and have worn it everyday since. I won’t go into details except to say it has a very distinctive setting, it’s edgy and people ask if it was designed for me. It looks incredibly modern and not like a traditional engagement ring but it’s at least 70 years old. I feel naked without it. When I go to the gym I put it on a chain around my neck. It never comes off my body. It may sound a little crazy but my self-esteem went up when my husband gave me that ring. Something of its value and meaning rubbed off on me.
Here comes the twist. My husband has always said to me – when we visit his elder sister, (only twice) not to flash the ring because she thinks every heirloom of the family should belong to her. She’s pretty bad – She stole $20k from his account once by forging his documents but claimed the money was inheritance and therefore hers too and he should have shared it. Their parents are recently deceased so he is trying to ‘mend bridges’ with her. So today she asked him if he had seen this ring specifically wondering if it had been sold. Not wanting to be dishonest, he told he outright that it was my engagement ring and she kinda flipped out, saying their grandma had promised it to her (the grandma passed away 30 years – so I’m not sure why she didn’t claim it earlier).
My husband called me to tell me about this conversation, but most surprisingly, he instantly said “I know, you know, we have to give it to her…I’m so sorry-“ My ears just stopped working properly and I excused myself and hung up.
I can’t even begin to think straight about what is right or wrong in this case I absolutely do not want to give away this ring. The thought is so strange. If someone tried to steal it in the street, I’d probably fight for it and get stabbed – why is this any different? But should I just be dignified and give it to his sister? I suspect she’ll just sell it, she’d never wear it for sure, but then what right have I to say that’s not her decision? Should I get it valued and offer to buy if off her? Should I be angry at my husband for not discussing it with me first? Should I just say no and refuse to give it back?
Help me out wedding bees!
Post # 3
Honestly… I would refuse to give it back. Who the hell takes back a ring just because his b****y sister thinks she should have it? She’s probably lying about it having been “promised” to her, and just wants it because she’s selfish. Seriously, that’s ridiculous.
Keep the ring, it’s yours now. He needs to find another way to deal with her. If he was anticipating this, he shouldn’t have given it to you in the first place. It’s really insulting (imo) that he would ask for it back at all.
Post # 4
@CanterburyBee22: It’s your engagement ring. I’d be furious at him for having just told her, and then just saying you need to give it back. It’s your engagement ring. If it were me, I wouldn’t give it back, partially because I don’t make concessions to crazy bitches (as a favour to them as much as anything else – I don’t believe in teaching people that being a bitch is OK and will get you places in life), and partially because it was given as my engagement ring. I can’t believe he isn’t even trying to stand up to her for this.
Does your husband care more about his bat shit crazy sister’s feelings than yours? That’s the only reason I can think of for siding with her.
Post # 5
Unless there’s paperwork somewhere that says that it was left to her, then you don’t have to just hand it over, and your husband shouldn’t be telling you that you have to give it to her. Personally, I wouldn’t have even said that you had the ring, because now she knows and is going to try to get it.
I would talk to your husband, explain how much the ring means to you and tell him that he gave it to you as an engagement ring and you’re honestly upset he’d suggest just handing it over to this sister.
ETA: Don’t give that crazy bitch your ring.
Post # 6
Oh my god that’s rude!!!
DO NOT give it back. It’s yours.
Post # 7
Is there a will or any documentation? If there isn’t, I would keep it.
It sounds like your fi and his sister don’t have a good relationship, as it is. I know he’s trying to make mends with her, but i’m sure there’s a reason WHY they aren’t close as it is.
If she’d just sell it, perhaps you could offer to compensate with some money to keep it.
Post # 8
Um hell no, no way.
It belongs to you. You’ve been wearing it for three years. She can get over it. If it were me, she could have it over my dead body.
Also he is your HUSBAND. As your husband, YOU should be more important to him than his sister. YOU come first. Not her. He needs to be in your corner and HE needs to tell his sister, ‘tough luck, it belongs to my wife.’
Post # 9
Refuse refuse refuse. And then refuse some more. There’s absolutely no effin way anyone else would be getting my ring just because she feels entitled to it. Unless there’s paperwork giving her ownership of the ring, she should only be able to get it by prying it out of your cold dead hands, and your husbands needs to be the one to stand up to her and say so.
Post # 10
- Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo
Don’t give it back! D: poor thing. People can be funny about their siblings sometimes, my mother for example does stuff for her sister that I just shake my head at, that’s the only reason I can think for your husband siding with her.
Fight nail and tooth for your ring girl!
Post # 11
No way, it’s yours! You need to talk to your husband about standing up to her. If he really can’t stand up to her he can pay her for it, but def don’t give it back
Post # 12
I’d lose my shit.
I’d actually be even more angry with my DH for not standing up for me and saying “Sorry, that ring belongs to DW. We are not giving it to you.”
Post # 13
No. Way. Do not hand over that ring, it’s yours! It was THEIR grandmother’s ring, aka your husband has just as much a claim over it as his sister. He obviously got it first, too bad for her. Giving in to this outrageous demand is not the way to mend fences, but it is a way to show his sister she can get whatever she wants by throwing a tantrum. Not a good precedent to set.
Post # 14
did grandma have a will that states the ring goes to her? for that matter, did it state that it goes to your husband?
if not, and to play fair with the sister, i would get a “replacement” appraisal for it (if you don’t have one already) and offer to pay the sister half of the amount. that would be splitting the value of the ring between the two of them. keep the paperwork and copy of the cheque so that the crazy sister doesn’t try the same thing in another 30 years.
edit: i would be a bit insulted if my dh asked me for my ring back btw.
Post # 15
I agree with everyone else. No way!!!!
Does your husband know how much yuo love that ring? If so he should realize that it matters to you. It’s your engagement ring!
This woman needs to be shown that she doesn’t get everything just because she wants it.
Post # 16
If there’s not a will or any type of documentation that it is her property, there is no way that would be happening. Seriously, F that.
And I would be exceedingly clear to my husband how incredibly disappointed I would be in his clear support of his sister over me and that if he continued to back her in this, I would lose faith in him as my partner and we’d be rethinking our relationship. If you can’t depend on him to be in your corner, who can you depend on?