Post # 1
1. We are having a legal wedding a few days before the spiritual one, because we actually do not believe in mixing church and state. All the people are invited to the church one. Only our parents and my brother are invited to the legal one. We have not been keeping this is a secret, but we also haven’t been telling people unless it actually comes up in conversation.
BUT people look upset when they hear I’m wearing a white dress to the courthouse. Why? Was I wrong to let that slip? (It was in the context of “aren’t you wearing a white dress?!”) I’m wearing a sari to the church wedding.
In the future, how should I deal with the white dress/courthouse wedding thing?
2. Single people who were supposed to have been asked if they wanted to bring someone (but weren’t, due to misunderstanding) added their own guests (1 each) on the RSVPs. One person was told he couldn’t bring a guest, the rest have not been told anything yet.
My parents said this was extremely rude and that we should apologize and invite her. I tend to agree with them, but am worried this poor girl will not feel welcome at all now.
But was it SO terrible to say he shouldn’t bring an uninvited guest? How should I phrase a ‘rescind’ email?
Post # 3
You are allowed to wear what you want to both your ceremonies. If it comes up, just state that it is your preference.
As far as guests, it is rude to invite someone when they are not invited. Call and make the true excuse that you are at your budget/space limit and will only accomidate who was invited.
Post # 4
I totally think wearing a white dress to the courthouse is fine. The plus one for singles is totally up to you, I would just say be consistent
Post # 5
1. You can wear whatever the heck you want to the courthouse, and anyone who thinks they deserve an opinion about that needs to get their head checked. If people ask, tell them the truth, and frankly correct them if they make a fuss! Some people need to take a chill pill…
2. Just talk to the guy who received the invitation and explain the misunderstanding and allow him to invite the girl he wants to bring. You don’t have to invite his “+1” for him. If you get word that the girl feels offended, then you might want to talk to her in person to straighten it out. People understand that misunderstandings happen. 🙂
Post # 6
I don’t get it- I mean- I don’t see the problem/ situation with the white dress. Are they upset you aren’t wearing one in the church?
I would tell the guy that you weren’t planning on +1s. but allow him to invite her.
Post # 7
People just want to SEE the white dress they’re not actaully upset you’re not. I can’t identify with a sari so I’d be like alright no seeing a pretty white dress. So that’s why they LOOK mad, but they aren’t just a touch dissapointed there isn’t THE dress (as in the traditional white one). Ignore the looks and change the subject. It’s purely your choice.
As for the extra guests be firm, don’t tell or ask your parents either. If you allow 1 you are going to get killed for denying others so you must decline ALL extras. Just lie, I’m sorry but we’re at capacity already and are unable to accomodate an extra guest. Apologize and tell them you really hope they will still be able to attend. DO NOT GET BULLIED. Like I say if you okay 1 you have to OK all.
Post # 8
SO we ended up allowing her to come but not making it a public deal. So far, so good — the only three people who wanted +1s are people we “forgot” to ask if they wanted a guest (I would have asked if I knew), and our numbers are small enough that it’s ok. I never intended to invite singles alone if they had a specific guest in mind.
I think for the courthouse, some people are upset that what they are witnessing won’t be a legal ceremony, “just” a spiritual one. But I think I’ll just tell them that that is how my parents and grandparents did it in India, and that’s why we’re doing it that way 🙂
SO much appreciate your input!
Post # 9
wear anything you want to either courthouse or your spiritual ceremonies. wear hot pink spandex wear a wedding dress! Its your choice its your day.. and the plus one thing.. that is up to you and your FI. But keep all of the plus one regulations the same for everyone. 🙂