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Were you dating someone else when you met your SO?

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
  • 3 Members Subscribed To Topic
  • poll: Were you seeing someone else when you met your SO/FI/spouse?
    No, I was totally single. : (84 votes)
    32 %
    No, but I was casually dating different people. : (41 votes)
    16 %
    Kind of. There was someone I was seeing, but it wasn't serious. : (48 votes)
    18 %
    Yes. I was in a relationship with someone else when we first met. : (90 votes)
    34 %
  •  
    1.
    Member
    1,429 posts
    Bumble bee
    Neva    July 2010  

    The replies on a recent post got me wondering.  It seems that more than a few of us were actually seeing someone else when we met our SO/FI/spouse. 

    I know I was in a semi-serious relationship that had been going on for about six months.  I think that bf and I both knew by that point that it wouldn't  be permanent, but we still cared about each other and enjoyed spending time together, so we kept seeing each other (that sounds bad, doesn't it?).

    Once I met my husband, the shortcomings in the previous relationship were suddenly much more glaring.  I ended things with the former bf and a few weeks later started dating my husband.  It was a little messy, but I have no regrets.

     

     
    2.
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    Bee Keeper
    SoontobeMrsA    June 2012   MA/NH line

    We both were.

     
    3.
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    Bumble bee
    LetsGoPens    October 13, 2012   Pittsburgh

    I was dating someone else when I first met my FI. He was single.

     
    4.
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    Bumble
    Beekeeper
    Lillindy    September 2008   Bay Area, CA

    We were both totally single when we met.

     
    5.
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    Bumble bee
    Brianalaura    August 14, 2010   Ontario, Canada

    We were both totally single.

     
    6.
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    Buzzing bee
    Crisark    November 5, 2011   WV

    We were both single when we met!

     
    7.
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    Buzzing bee
    Ms.Teddy    April 2011   South Carolina

    He had a girlfriend and I was just enjoying the single life...aka seeing a few people ;)

     
    8.
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    Bee Keeper
    2PeasinaPod       Philadelphia

    @Ms.Teddy: Same for me! He was actually in the final stages of breaking up with his girlfriend of 2 years when he met me. We went out for my birthday and a few months later we were officially an item!

     
    9.
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    5,415 posts
    Bee Keeper
    Running Elley    June 19, 2011   Fresno, CA

    I was VERY casually dating someone. It wasn't really serious and we also knew that it wasn't going to last. I knew I wanted to be with FI and as soon as we started hanging out more I broke things off with my other BF. FI and I started dating 2 weeks later.

    FI was completely single. He only had one 2 week GF a few years before he met me. Luckily for me he was very focused on playing college baseball.

     
    10.
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    1,183 posts
    Bumble bee
    Pomapoo    May 6, 2011   Maryland

    I had a "casual" relationship with a guy when I first met my FI, and FI at the time was sorta/kinda talking to his ex.  Then FI swept me off my feet and I think we both realized we deserved a real relationship!

     
    11.
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    216 posts
    Helper bee
    symphony    August 14, 2010  

    I had been casually dating a guy who had been one of my best friends when I met my husband. Since it was casual dating with no real plans for the future and it didn't seem my friend was all that interested, I started dating Mr. Symphony. I knew from the start he had everything I was looking for. That's when it got messy, apparently friend WAS interested, but it all worked out, because it turns out he was more interested in my sister anyways. :)

    No regrets here!

     
    12.
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    1,500 posts
    Bumble bee
    AnneTossy    October 8, 2011   Virginia

    I was casually dating this nightmare of a guy...like 3 or 4 dates in?

     
    13.
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    58 posts
    Worker bee
    Camie    March 30, 2011   Arkansas

    I had been single for about 3 months before we met, but my Love was in a relationship, but it was at the end of a bitter breakup.. It bothered me at first because I felt like a rebound, but we are happier than ever! :) Just depends on the situation, I suppose?

     
    14.
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    2,469 posts
    Buzzing bee
    o0olibelulao0o    April 14, 2012   Texas Hill Country

    I was actually engaged when I met my now FI.  It sounds terrible... but the night I met him my ex FI cheated on me with some random girl he met at the bar that night (I was at the bar WITH my ex.)  I was angry and vengeful so I saw a cute guy at the bar and started making eyes at him. lol  Needless to say he came over and we ended up talking the rest of the night but when it was time to leave I left with my ex and we went to an afterparty (with the girl) and when I decided it was time to leave my ex stayed.  And the rest is history.

    Little did I know I had made a very valuable friend that night who was recently divorced because of her cheating on him.  We bonded over that very quickly and took our relationship a little too far, but we can't change the past.  Even though it took me seven months to actually leave my ex, my FI was there for me through it all, he became by best friend and gave me the courage to leave.

    It sounds bad, but the night I left my ex is the night my FI and I officially became boyfriend and girlfriend.

     
    15.
    771 posts
    Busy bee
    crh1729    April 7, 2012   Wilson NC

    I was single and had given up looking but I had just started a new job and I saw a guy that I thought was cute, but he was in a relationship and I'm the farthest thing from a homewrecker and standing beside him was my now FI. Haha I think I made the right decision(;

     
    16.
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    615 posts
    Busy bee
    hibiscusgirl    July 23, 2011   Seattle

    I voted kind of. The week before I met my FI, my ex of 4 months and I had broken up. So when I met my FI, I actually wasn't super excited about finding someone new to date because I was still kind of choked up about the break up. We didn't go on our first date until about 2 or 3 weeks after we had officially met so luckily I had some time to get over the guy.

     
    17.
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    783 posts
    Busy bee
    tomboypink      

    We were both very single when we met.

     
    18.
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    278 posts
    Helper bee
    hellorebecca    February 19, 2011   Durham,NC

    earlier that month i had just broken things off with a crazy co-worker I'd been on a few dates with, who to this day is still a great friend! definitely NOT dating material though. and then I had just gone out on about 3 dates with this other dude. . .he was boring though. and then FI came along. . swoon!

     
    19.
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    568 posts
    Busy bee
    rlsh86    January 29, 2011   Florida

    i had JUST gotten out of a relationship.  he was totally single.

     
    20.
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    2,163 posts
    Buzzing bee
    eeniebeans    October 9, 2010   Baltimore

    I was technically married (separated) at the time.

     
    21.
    Member
    2 posts
    Wannabee
    hwainwright85    April 9, 2011   Alabama

    @o0olibelulao0o:My story is almost the exact same thing!  Nice to know fate happens in all kinds of ways!  Good luck to you!

     
    22.
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    1,076 posts
    Bumble bee
    stormy9973    October 3, 2009   Ottawa, KS

    I was single and DH had been single for a couple of months from an on again off again relationship and he was looking for someone to settle down with and he found me:)

     
    23.
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    6,094 posts
    Bee Keeper
    Future Mrs. Martin    August 21, 2010   London Ontario Canada

    I was!

    I had been with my previous BF for 3 years when I met Mr. M. I really enjoyed spending time with Mr. M but was sure it was just innocent. However, slowly Mr. M helped reveal that my previous BF wasn't as great as I thought he was and I broke up with them.

    I dated them both for around 4 months, they were both aware of the situation but it was still very messy.

    In December I decided to brake it off with previous BF for good and shortly after became exclusive with Mr. M.

    7 years later here we are :-)

     
    24.
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    Sugar bee
    Entangled    September 17, 2011   Carmel, CA

    We were both dating around.  There was one other guy I was seeing where it might have turned into something more serious, as well as another guy I went on a couple dates with.  He was seeing some other people casually as well.  Neither of us were in serious relationships or hiding the fact that we weren't exclusive though.

     
    25.
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    6,816 posts
    Busy
    Beekeeper
    moderndaisy    June 2010  

    I had been dating someone else for almost 2 months when DH finally worked up the courage to ask me out. While the other guy had been looking promising, no one could ever compare to DH in my mind (we had dated before several years earlier), but I kept him on edge for a little just to make him suffer and hook him. It totally worked!

    I used this trick the first time we dated too. I sent myself flowers to work and was really mysterious about who they were from. DH went around asking EVERYONE if they knew who sent me the flowers and no one did, so he asked me flat out. I said they were from an 'admirer' and he immediately asked me out.

    Breaking up with the other guy was harder than I thought. He apparently really liked me and wanted a full explanation and argued with my reasons for ending things. I used the strategy where I just said I didn't think it was working out, I didn't mention there was someone else. I tried the fade-out first, but he didn't take the hint and was furiously calling/texting/emailing me.

     
    26.
    Member
    373 posts
    Helper bee
    meggyo    September 25, 2010   Chicago, IL

    i was dating someone when i first met my husband. we met because he played on the same softball team as all of our friends (he was my previous boyfriend's coworker) it was never a romantic thing - we were just really good friends for a while. we actually didn't start dating or even think about dating until about 6 months after that other relationship ended.

     
    27.
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    Sugar bee
    Oneeleven    April 7, 1992   Ontario, Canada, Getting married in the Mayan Riviera

    He was single and I was going on dates with guys but nothing serious

     
    28.
    Member
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    Honey bee
    MademoiselleL    August 24, 2012   Vancouver, BC (wedding in Maui)

    I was in a relationship with one of his acquaintances.  I got introduced to my now bf by my ex, but nothing started then except for me thinking he was really cute!  It was probably about 2 years later that we randomly "re-met" at a concert and he got my number :) I was then single and had been for awhile!

     
    29.
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    2,469 posts
    Buzzing bee
    o0olibelulao0o    April 14, 2012   Texas Hill Country

    @hwainwright85: I'm glad I'm not alone!  A lot of people gave me a hard time about it... and thought I left my ex for him. Which isn't what was planned, it just happened. Sometimes fate steps in. lol  Good luck to you too!

     
    30.
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    Bumble bee
    Valhalla    June 26, 2010   Vancouver, British Columbia

    I was in a relationship when we MET. We did not start dating while I was in this other relationship, but once I met my husband, like others said, the problems I was having in my relationship with my ex became much more glaring. We had been having problems for awhile (albeit only to me, he was convinced we were perfect, despite my efforts to make sure he knew otherwise). I broke things off with my ex and waited two months before officially starting to date my now husband.

     
    31.
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    Bumble bee
    picturemeurs    February 2012  

    I had just gotten back with an ex, when we started to spend basically every minute together. By the time he made his feelings clear I was already half way out the door. Best decision ever!

     
    32.
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    205 posts
    Helper bee
    cartascartas    May 28, 2011  

    i was trying to decide whether to give my ex a chance, and casually dating around...but he was living with his gf! the heart wants what it wants, though. :)

     
    33.
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    Member
    150 posts
    Blushing bee
    Lindsaygooding    July 2, 2011   michigan

    We used to go on double dates when we first met cause we were both dating other people.  We were friends for years before we started dating.  so funny how things work out!

     
    34.
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    5,946 posts
    Bee Keeper
    eloping    May 23, 2010  

    yes, i was dating a guy when i met my now hubby but there was nothing more than friendship and even after i broke up with the guy my now hubby and i remained just friends for about 4mths and then one day he grabbed my hand as we were crossing a busy street and he didnt let go and that changed everything for us

     
    35.
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    2,446 posts
    Buzzing bee
    Mrs Green Grass    August 14, 2010  

    DH was actually friends with my ex who I was with for 5 years.  (Not close friends, more like work-friends.)  After we broke up they were at a poker game together and he actually asked him if it would be cool to ask me out!  Since I was recently out of a long relationship I said no for quite a while, then on one magical drunken night in Vegas I decided enough time had past and the rest is history!

     
    36.
    Member
    200 posts
    Helper bee
    Moffy    July 17, 2010   Tucson, AZ / Carmel-by-the-Sea, CA

    I'm so glad to see this post! I was still technically with my boyfriend of 4 years, who I had supported and put through school (only to have him lie to me when he was kicked out so that I would keep supporting him), but we were definitely on the way out. I had made him move out and fend for himself, and we didn't even see each other every week, even though we lived in the same town. I met my now-husband through friends, and I figured he would be a rebound, but he made me feel beautiful, and I finally got the courage to break up with my ex. When he continued to pursue me, I still thought "rebound," but here we are, almost 5 years later, married for 6 months. =)

     
    37.
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    1,110 posts
    Bumble bee
    JustlikeHeaven    March 6, 2009  

    I had gone on a few dates with a guy I knew from high school (nothing serious) .. we probably went on 3.. then I met my single guy .. and I stopped going on dates with the other guy.

     
    38.
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    217 posts
    Helper bee
    PrincessBrideSuzy    June 18, 2011  

    I voted yes, but it was 12 years ago and we didn't start dating until 2006!

     
    39.
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    5,255 posts
    Bee Keeper
    cbee    July 26, 2010  

    I was in an unfulfilling relationship when we met.  He actually made me think about how nice men can be, and how I wished my (at the time) man was.  I realized I wanted someone really sweet and kind.  He was easy to talk to, easy to make laugh, and helpful.  Meeting him made me rethink the relationship I was in!  (Not that we ever spent time alone until my other relationship was through.  I just knew him as a peer at school.)

     
    40.
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    1,864 posts
    Buzzing bee
    egb    January 2010  

    I was in a relationship when I met DH.  I had been with the guy for almost 5 years, when I realised I wouldn't spend my life with him. I couldn't leave right away, needed to make some friends, have activities on my own, create a network so I would be able to leave and be strong. Plus, I did still love the ex, and was not ready to leave and still hoping somehow it could work out.

    So I started new activities, and met DH in one of them. I didn't notice him at first but when we had an opportunity to talk more, we hit it off and became friends. And I began to have feelings for him and knew it was really time to leave my then BF. So I left, this was 10 months after starting the activity.  Then started dating DH but tried to break it off after one week, because he was such a good guy and deserved better then what I could give him because I didn't have 100% to offer, I had to heal first. He told me to take my time and to enjoy us dating and spending good time together. 

    We were engaged 18 months later and married 30 months into the relationship.

     

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