Post # 1
Hi Bee’s –
Quick question. My FMIL keeps talking about a photoshoot that she wants to have. They have an old school 55 Chevy (that we’ll be using at the wedding) and she wants to have a family photoshoot at the park with the car. I love the idea…however it’s clear that I am not in the picture. Just FMIL, FFIL, FSIL, and FI.
I think this is so weird, yet I really don’t care about being in the picture…it’s just the principle. I have gone 7 years without being in any family photo and now that were engaged it’s just weird!!
I have written before how my FMIL is having a really hard time letting go of my FI in general. So this is no shocker.
My family is having a family photoshot next weekend and it wasn’t even a question if my FI was coming.
Should I say something to my FI because of the principle? Or since it doesn’t really bother me, should I just ignore it?
These photo’s will be used for the Christmas card. It will be a bit strange when FI and I send out a christmas card with our picture on it and they send one out without me in it…
Post # 3
Wow, that does seem a bit odd. I was left out of DH’s family portraits before we were engaged/married, but have since been in them (granted, I don’t think any did occur during the engagement time).
I would talk to you FI about it and let him know your feelings. But HE should be the one that talks to his parents and lets them know HE wants you in the family pictures now that you will most definitely be a part of the family forever. 🙂
Post # 4
@Meant2Bee: I’m surprised your fiance doesn’t have a problem with this. My fiance’s family has loved me and accepted me with open arms since the day they met me, I have been in every Christmas card and major event since we started dating even pre engagement.
What DOES your FI think about this?
Post # 5
@MsJ2theZ: I don’t even think my FI picked it up when my FMIL was talking about it. I think he had checked out of the conversation when she started talking about it.
Post # 6
That is a little odd. I was in a bunch of family pictures for FI’s graduation. At this point since you have been together for a long time and are engaged, yes, you should be in those pictures.
Post # 7
I think that’s weird. I had been with my FI a year before we were engaged and I was in family pictures at every opportunity!
Post # 8
Yes. My FI’s family is obsessed with taking family pictures, and I have been included ever since FI and I started spending an increasing amount of time with our families as a couple, which was around the 1-year mark. I believe it started with FI’s little sister’s high school graduation, and has continued through every single family event since then. It’s the same with FI and my family. Once it became apparent that we were a “serious thing” each of us was sucked into the other’s family fold.
At our wedding, we’ll be including non-engaged-significant-others in our photos. FSIL’s boyfriend, FBIL’s girlfriend, FI’s aunt’s boyfriend, you name it. I mean, yes, we’ll take some pictures that don’t include the “others”, but we won’t exclude them entirely. There’s an endless combination of “now the grandchildren! now the cousins! now the girls!” that will ensure everybody is covered in some way.
Post # 9
@Meant2Bee: I’d say something. That’s unacceptable.
Post # 10
@Meant2Bee: Are they taking more than one photo?
If it is in fact a photo shoot that means there would be more than set up. Perhaps one with just the kids and parents, one with spouses or significant others, one perhaps with everyone including any grandchildren. If that is the case then I think having just an immediate family photo is completely acceptable. However, if we are talking one photo and that is it then no…it is not acceptable. If they are in fact taking one family photo you are now part of that family.
Post # 11
i think? no one was really taking formal pictures though. it’s a little strange but i doubt i’d say anything
Post # 12
I’ve been with FI for a few years (and have known him for more than a decade), but I’ve only been in informal pictures with his family. Posed pictures (like at a cousin’s wedding) don’t include me, and I’m fine with that. I’m not officially part of the family yet.
Post # 13
@Meant2Bee: Then yes I’d just ask him if that’s what he thinks she means and feel him out for it.
Post # 15
We don’t do professional photographs, but I recall that years ago now (we got together in 2006, so probably as early as 2008) his mother was baffled as to why I shuffled out of shot during a family photo. She physically dragged me back into it. That was the end of that, and I’ve been included in all “family photos” ever since.
Your FMIL sounds a bit too territorial. Ugh. Let her behave like that, make sure everyone knows you and you FI are engaged, and let folks talk about her crazy. Just let it roll off your back, though. It’s not worth drama.
Post # 16
I have always been included in family photos, aside from the ones taken at his bro’s wedding, but we had barely been dating back then. Everything since they have made sure to include me.
It seems a bit odd, I would definitely talk to your FI about it.