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Hey Bees, as a sorority gril, I've watched a number of my sisters get lavaliered in the past 3 years. And every single time I've had to clap along and act excited, when all I wanted to do was have a candle pass celebrating me and my relationship. So, were you lavaliered or did you get to have a candle pass?
*for all non-greek bees: lavaliering is the process of having your so give you their greek letters to wear. it's typically seen as a sign of the seriousness of the relationship and is usually a precursor to engagement*
Yes!! My (now) FI lavaliered me the end of my senior year. We had been dating since my sophomore year and I watched countless sisters get candle passes (some from guys who they hadn't been dating for nearly as long as we were dating at the time... 
) and I was obviously happy for my sisters, but secretly SO jealous!
Edit: Ok, maybe it wasn't so secret that I was jealous. I think that's why FI finally broke down because he thought the tradition was kind of silly...
Umm...I did this to myself!
As background my school did not allow fraternities or soroities so I had no clue about any of this stuff. The BF was in a frat when he was in school but we had both been out of college a couple years when this happened.
So we had a party at his house one night, a bunch of his college buddies were down for the weekend and their girlfriends had come along. We were outside drinking and playing games, but it was getting cool later at night and I got pretty cold. I asked BF if I could grab a sweatshirt and he said sure. So I went upstairs and grabbed the one sweatshirt he had put it on and went downstairs.
Of course it was a sweatshirt with his fraternity letters on it and when I went downstairs his brothers freaked out asking if he had "lettered" me. I was totally confused and had no idea what was going on. BF said that sure he would letter me right then. He later explained to me what it all was and I felt a little on the dumb side for not knowing and basically doing it to myself. Bah. He said he wouldn't have done it if he hadn't meant it but I think he was just being nice and getting me out of an embarssing situation. :P
Despite the dumb way I backed into it some of the girlfriends there were still miffed that I had been lettered and they hadn't.
My FI laviliered me 3.5 yrs into our relationship, a mere 2 months before I graduated..I was soooo glad I got the chance to have a candlepass :)
I went to UCLA and we didn't really do "lavalier-ing." A few girls got "pinned" which is essentially the same thing, but it wasn't very common, like one per year.
I didn't know that was real! I was never in a sorority, but I watch Greek on ABC Family, haha. Cool to know it's a real thing. :)
No, never. The boy and I went to a school which had only a few frats and they were known for having the highest instances of date rape in the dorms. (We didn't have a "campus" or "frat houses" just reserved dorm floors). Definitely not something you want to be associated with.
Sounds like a lovely tradition though, although I wonder how girls who chose not to date within the Greek system feel? Are their relationships celebrated in any way?
I went to a school with an extremely strong Greek system and I don't know anyone that was lettered or lavaliered there. It just wasn't a tradition my school really had. I was in a sorority and dated someone in a fraternity for most of my time there.
To be honest, I am not quite sure I understand the point of it. If it is so that the men/women of the fraternity/sorority might accord you more respect as your relationship was now "serious" then to me it would be disappointing that it would require a ritual to be treated seriously. If it is somewhat akin to promise rings, I admit to being biased and not particularly caring for that tradition for myself. So for those who have this tradition at your schools, maybe you could explain why it is important to you for me?
I was never lavaliered, but we had several sisters get lavaliered during my 4 years at school. I thought it was a neat tradition, but FI would have never gone for it.
I am in a sorority however my FI is not in a frat.. : ( so the tradition is usually he would present the sorority girl with a lavalier of her own letters... but he didnt which is fine! We do a candle light to a song called shades and after the candle has gone around 2 times the sister blows it out indicating shes engaged! I had to keep mine secret from Christmas day to January 15th!! It was the HARDEST thing to do!
Although DH and I are both Greek, I wasn't lavaliered and honestly didn't miss it. Plenty of my good friends and sorority sisters were and I wouldn't have not been excited to have been myself but it wasn't something I needed to validate our relationship or anything. Lavaliering wasn't a big deal to me.
ETA: I did find it amusing that even after we'd only been dating for a few months, everytime a candlelighting got announced I'd have numerous people ask me if it was for me!
@Chiotilidieo: I was SO hoping to get engaged while I was in college so I could do that. Oh well! It was always so exciting when the candle went around another time.
@mouse: Me too! I went to a small liberal arts school with pretty much no greek life, but I love that show.
I was lavaliered when I was in college. It was my junior year. It happened in his fraternity house and when I finally opened my eyes (they had kidnapped me and driven me around campus blindfolded so I had no clue where I was going) all of his brothers and my sisters where in a big circle around us. Candles were lit, brothers on knees with roses...I'm talking it was the BEST lavalier ever.
We broke up the summer before my senior year because if I would've stayed with him, I probably would've ended up with two black eyes. Live and learn.
I won't be lavaliered by a sorority, but there is a lavalier in my family that will get on my wedding day.
@Rubies: At our school, sisters who were dating non-Greek guys got "pearled" (ie- he gave them some kind of pearl jewelry) and it was thought of as the same thing so they could participate in the whole candle pass ceremony.
@kay01: It wasn't a way to gain the sorority/fraternity's respect at all. It was more of a "pre-engagement" thing as OP said, so I knew my boyfriend/now FI couldn't afford a ring at the time, but it was his way of showing that we plan on getting married some day. I'd say it's somewhat akin to a more serious promise ring sort of thing for poor college students. As far as I know, it's one of those polarizing things in Greek life. When I was lavaliered, I told my friend who happened to join the same sorority at another school and she thought it was an antiquated tradition that no one followed anymore.
@fuschiasparkles: That's exactly how i felt! :-)
Never, and I really wanted to be lavaliered or at least have a candle pass (if he wasn't greek) but it didn't work out with the two serious relationships in college--so it's all for the better.
but i LOVE tradition, so i was jealous of the others that got to experience it. but the nice thing about jealousy is it goes away with time. :)
I was lavaliered and had a canclepassing in college. It was a very big deal at the time. I can remember how exciting it was when we were told there would be a candlepassing, with everyone guessing at who it would be...and what that luicky girl would be getting.
We passed the candle once around the circle. Then on the second pass, the girl to be lavaliered would blow it out. If the candle made it around the circle two full times, we knew it was not simply a lavalier. If the candle was blown out on the third circle, the girl was pinned; if the candle made it around the circle three full times and then blown out on the fourth round, it was an engagement....the most exciting of all!
After graduation, I ended up breaking up with the guy I was lavaliered to...but it was a nice experience to have been part of.
Although I went to a school with a strong greek system it just didn't happen there. It was a big deal for a sorority girl to be given a shirt with letters on it. If a girl had fraternity letters she was considered a house "sweetheart" and didn't necessarly have to date a brother. I actually never received one from my bf but I had one from my best friend's frat. I guess though this silly tradition proved true. Best friend is still around and BF got kicked to the curb years ago.
@Chiotilidieo: and @littlegraykitten: my BF isn't greek, so he think's its kind of silly, but I'm hoping to get engaged soon, so I could show off a little bit. I told him about the "pearling" but he just wasn't into it. Ah my dear GDI boyfriend <3
I was never in a sorority but I always wish I had gone to a campus that had sororities. Reading this makes me really wish I had been in one. Sounds cool, though. To have it done or to watch it be done.
I was not in a sorority and the Greek system was not big at my school, but my boyfriend was in a fraternity and I was his "sweetheart," meaning that we were very serious and were (and still are) headed for marriage. I was able to (and did) wear his letters but it really wasn't that big of a deal, as most people at our school had no idea what it meant (nor did I before he joined his frat). 
@jennab503: haha same here GDI uhh , they will NEVER understand :)
Wasn't really done at my school, even so, my FI is 8 years older than me so we weren't at school at the same time anyway. However, we do have some "rituals" that take place at the wedding reception that I am hoping our friends forget about 
My sorority did the candlelight passing ceremony when a sister announced that she'd gotten engaged, but that happened so rarely that it would have been very weird to have a lavalier ritual to announce pre-engagement. The heavily academics-centered culture of my college was associated with an extremely low instance of people getting married right after graduation - people were much more likely to delay marriage until after they'd had a chance to go to grad school and/or get their careers established. To that end, my sorority actually passed a measure during my senior year extending the candlelight ceremony to sisters who wanted to announce that they'd been accepted to graduate school or gotten a post-graduation job offer, which I thought was pretty awesome. It's all exciting, life-altering news, and as such, worth honoring.
I got lavaliered, but at my school, they called it "dropped", since the necklace had the Greek letters vertically (a drop necklace). We were very serious for a long time, but when he basically admitted he wanted me to be a Stepford wife, I broke things off.
FI is GDI. Would have been nicer to have gotten "dropped" by the man I would later marry, but I'm glad to have gotten the candle-passing ceremony anyways.
I was in a sorority but nobody ever got laviered at my school, it called for intense hazing for the guys, so it just never happened.
Since my FI is not in a Frat he would have to present me with a lavalier of my own letters but other girls have gotten lavaliered and we didnt do a candle pass for them even though its been mentioned
@jennab503: Quick question, my sister was given a lavalier necklace from her big, and we were wondering, can she wear them, or does she just save them to give to someone special? I thought the guy buys them to give to you, not for you to give to him, right!?
My hubs to be was in a frat, but I wasn't in a sorority. He pinned me about 3 months into our relationship and then his frat chair said he couldn't do that. He had me keep the pin but I had no interest in wearing it either way. He's never heard of anything in this post about lavaliers or whatever.
a college boyfriend and I were both greek however this tradition wasn't big at my school. we did however have one engagement candle pass that was super exciting! (most people didn't get engaged until graduation, when it was too late to do the candle!)
FI is GDI so no letters for me!
@aemason14: she can wear them! we used to have necklaces and bracelets and everything just to wear for fun!
FI is a GDI :'( our chapter doesn't even do candle ceremonies so I didn't get anything when I was engaged. Neither did a senior who got engaged right before me though.
@aemason14: Yea, she definitely can wear it. I wore the lavalier my big gave me with my letters alongside the lavailer FI gave me with his letters. Girls don't give guys lavaliers :-)
I never heard of this before, but I do wear my bf's sweatpants that he got from being a sorority girls date at one of her formal's and wear his kappa sig sweatshirts whenever I'm bumming around :)
Yes! My boyfriend at the time, who is now my wonderful fiance, (Sigma Chi) lavaliered me at one of our (Tri Delta) open chapter meetings. Therefore, there was really no need to do a candle passing. But yeah, it definitely served as a precursor to our engagement.
FI wasnt greek, but I did have a candle pass when we got engaged (last semester of college)!
Never heard of it in my chapter or my school, but then again engagements before graduation were extremely unusual.
My fiancé "dropped" me as we reffered to it on valentines day this year. We got engaged on December 1st 2011.
My sorority sisters turned their backs on me after I got engaged to my fiancé because I got a full time job to help our loving parents pay for the wedding and couldn't attend many of the events for the spring semester.
But I am so very proud to wear his letters. I couldn't imagine marrying a man more wonderful who comes from such a strong brotherhood. So I didn't get a candle lighting for my engagement or lavalier. I will have my lavalier pinned to my bouquet at the wedding.
For his fraternity you absolutely do not lavalier a girl unless you intend to marry her or love her very deeply because you can only lavalier someone once
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