Also, for your more successful relationships, were you pursued or did you pursue? Do you think whether the guy pursues first or not makes a difference in the long run? How long did you pursue or were you pursued before agreeing to a relationship?
Any cute stories?
I was 15 and FH was 17 when we first got together. I didn't even have texting on my phone, but he told me that, if I ever did, to get his number from a friend and text him. I got it maybe a week later, and asked a mutual friend for his number. I texted him and we started talking, and I was still texting the mutual friend. She told me that she thought FH and I would make a cute couple. I told FH what the friend had said, and he agreed! 3 days later, we were officially a couple.
So technically, I guess I pursued him!
We did break up and get back together twice more after that, and both times, he very much pursued me. The second time we dated, I held off becoming official for a couple weeks. The third time, it took 4 months. There was a lot of other stuff going on at the time, and I didn't want to commit to him when I couldn't focus on building our relationship. We texted and Skyped all the time, until we eventually got back together... and the rest is history.
I saw my FI one night (our junior year in college) when I was at a party at one of the apartment complexes where my friend lived. FI lived there too. The complex had a hot tub, and our party went down, and then FI's very outgoing roommate convinced them to go down too.
I didn't even see him get in, but at one point I looked across and saw him and I swear time just stopped. (Super cheesy, but it's true!) I made it a point to go talk to him. Turns out, he had noticed me too! But he had thought I might be with the guy I had been talking too earlier (just a friend.)
Anyway, we started seeing each other. Now, at the time, I was still trying to get over a horrendous breakup. I had been devastated and was really struggling. Also, this was April-May of 2009, and I was heading for an entire semester abroad in the fall. We saw each other for a few weeks, and while I really liked him, I was feeling so uncertain. I had resigned myself to being alone for awhile, probably meeting someone sometime when I came back.
Two weeks or so after we met, he asked me out. I told him no, for the reasons I listed above. But I also told him that I did like him, and I'd like to keep seeing him if he wanted. And he did.
A month later, he had completely won me over. We were at a Gary Allen concert on the beach on May 29th, visiting some of his friends. He held me and sang along to the song "The One". If you look up the lyrics, you could see why they were so perfect. The next day on the beach I looked at him laying next to me, and could hardly tear myself away from his hazel eyes. And then I was like "Sunnyday you moron!!! Don't you dare let this one fade away! Don't be so stupid and scared, just jump!" So I asked HIM out. And he said yes :)
So I guess to sum up, our initial interest was mutual, and then he persued me, and then I persued him.
He pretty much pursued me. I don't know how to answer for my "successful" relationships because this is my only successful one...since it will be my only marriage. I was pretty forward with him the night I met him but he called me and asked me out the next day and pretty much kept calling me and pursuing me. I mean, I almost always said yes to seeing him I just didn't know if I was ready for a relationship as quickly as he was. He asked me to be his girlfriend a month after I met him and I actually told him no because I wasn't ready. But I was ready about 3 weeks after that! So about 7-8 weeks after we met we were a couple.
I've been the one that pursued in the past and those didn't work out for me because I don't think he was as into me as I was into him.
Well, initially DBF seemed to take the initiative. He would constantly comment on my Facebook posts, he would listen to my needy rants, and he even pointed out that his phone number was on his Facebook profile, hoping that I would text him. I found this rather unusual for a classmate from the previous semester.
When DBF and I really started to get to know each other, he would usually initiate our Facebook conversations. At the time, he said he usually didn't chat with people...I probably should have taken that as a hint he liked me (as if the ten-hour long chat sessions didn't!).
I will note, however, that I was the one who admitted to having feelings for him first and the first to say I loved him. He formally asked me to be his girlfriend, though, so I guess we took turns.
ETA: I am a big advocate of either partner taking the initiative. However, I'm glad it was more on DBF, since I always did the pursuing with the guys I liked prior to him. It was a relief to know he was interested. :)
I don't think it makes a difference in the long run who initated the pursuing.
he definitely pursued me.
we met in the parking lot while walking into starbucks. he asked if he could buy me a coffee. we sat for 4 hours. he texted me the next day to meet up for another coffee and then the next day, and the next day.
i was casually dating other guys at the time but started to brush them off after a week or so with my now dh.
Both, I guess. It was probably more me in the very beginning, but then he was really the one who did the pursuing later on.
No real pursuit with DH but I definitely always held the upper hand. There was no passivity or sticking to "The Rules". I was open, up front and honest and it took a lot of the stress out of the relationship.
I let him know I was interested (suggested we go for a drink, and gave him my email), and then I left it up to him what he did with that. Likewise, I let him reach out after that date, and most of the dates following (if I had tickets to something, I would ask him if he wanted to come, but otherwise I left the ball in his court)
I used to pursue men more actively, but had become a convert to letting them have and enjoy the chase. Those relationships always turned out better than the ones where I was doing the pursuing. You never question where you stand with him when you let him take the lead.
I pursued him.I had known him for a while, and I always thought he was so cute and funny. Right after my long-term boyfriend and I broke up, I invited him to hang out with me.We went to a party where, after one drink and completely out of no where, I kissed him on the lips and told him that I had a crush on him for years.
He told me he felt the same way. :)
After a bad break up with my ex-fiance I did not want a relationship at all. He was EXTREMELY persistent. I didn't admit we were dating until about 3 months into it. He then asked me at least once a day (usually more) to marry him, and he did that for a year and a half before I finally said yes! :-) He is the most amazing man. He is so perfect for me and I for him. I truely believe that he is my soul mate. (and he thinks the same.)
Well he'd pursued me on and off for 11/12 years and I may have attempted once or twice in between that time but it didn't work successfully until about a year ago when I realized he was the only one I could see myself with so once I matured and was ready I initiated and he was receptive, a year later we're engaged.
We didn't pursue each other it kind of just fell into place, right place right time. We hooked up the night we met and had a date the next day. After that we just started facebook chatting and calling each other. A week after we met we decided together to be a couple. We've decided everything together ever since lol.
We both met after an online thing. We both just wanted to be friends as we were both still dealing with break ups.
We spent that Sunday (after I worked a double shift, and had gotten 3 whole hours of sleep the night before) in the library until it closed, and he drove me back to my dorm room. We spent the next night in the library until it closed, working more on getting to know each other than our homework.
After a week and a half of that, we started talking about dating. I told him I wanted to date him, but would deal with being just friends, if that was what he wanted. We both took a few hours to think about it, came back, and were unanimous that we wanted to be together (despite our difference of opinion on UofM vs. MSU).
So... I don't really know who persued whom. I guess we both kind of did, since I kind of hinted I wouldn't be happy with us being just friends and that it would be difficult...
There was none. We started talking and it rekindled an old flame we both had in college. We met one another somewhere in the middle.
I pursued.... And was turned down! I give him hell about it now, but when I told him I liked him in high school (which took a lot for me to do), his response was "Oh ok". We ended up getting together a couple of weeks after that, with some convincing from a mutual friend that he did like me too and was just incredibly shy. After that I stepped back and thank goodness he started pursuing me! It's been happy days ever since.
I'd say it was him. I wasn't looking for a relationship, as I had just gotten out of a 3 year LD relationship before I met him. I also was so used to being that girl that the guy comes to when he likes another girl and needs advice, so I was shocked when he kissed me the first time! Of course our first kiss, I laughed afterwards (nerves!). Haha, looking back, I'm shocked he kept pursuing me after that!
We had been friends for years and he finally got the guts to pursue me. I left him hanging for a month, poor guy. Oh, well, he got me in the end!
He persued me, I guess, though technically neither of us really "persued" and it just sort of happened. I had known him as a customer for over a year, but never really talked to him (he's really shy). I tranferred stores and ended up working at the same store as his best friend, and he came in one day to wait for him and ended up staying in the store for about 3 hours talking to me. The next day his friend told me that he had a crush on me. At first I was like "oh thats sweet." I thought he was cute, but he was shorter than me, and I just couldnt see myself with a shorter guy. But then he started working at the store with me, same shift as me, so we were spending 8 hours together almost every night. So we started up a friendship that way. One night he walked me home and I invited him in. The next night he drove me home and he came in and we ended up staying up till about 5am watching movies. That went on for MONTHS. Took forever for us to finally "officially" start dating.
It was a bit of both.
We met online. I was the one to message him, pick a date to meet, and pick a date out for a second date. I knew he was shy (I am too, but him even more so at that point) so I knew it was me or nothing.
Then, he became the one to pursue. I was in the very beginning of our relationship taking things slowly because I was still badly hurt from my ex. So he took the reigns for a while. I'm glad he did, in retrospect. I knew there was something to hold on to - I'm glad he was patient with me and didn't let me get away.
We pursued one another. :)
My boyfriend is shy, so on the surface it seemed as if I was pursuing him in some people's eyes, but he was definitely pulling strings in the background that I wasn't aware of.
I voted we took turns. When my SO and I first started talking I was 20 and he was 18 at the time. He emailed me first and then after we talked for a few hours online, I called him. Then I came to visit him in Canada for the first time. Paid for my flight and everything since we were both broke, but it was more financially feasible for me to do so. Every flight after that, he paid for and he pursued me relentlessly until I moved to be with him. Even now he still pursues me and I pursue him. It's a give and take that is at a happy medium for the both of us. We both make each other feel wanted every day and give each other little surprises to keep the romance alive. And that strategy has been working for us for the past 3 years.
There was no chasing or game playing. We were both interested in being open and honest with each other, wanted an equal partnership, and both let the other know we were interested.
Practically, I started communication (we met on eHarmony) and from that time we were equal participants. We took turns asking each other out, initiating discussions and so on. This worked wondefully for us as that mutual interest, honesty and equality is very important to us.
None of my past relationships started quite like that (there was a more definitive chaser or chasee) and well, they did not work out long term and there are reasons for that. Things with my husband jus fell into place naturally and easily.
FI and I pursued each other equally. We didn't play games or follow "the rules". This was the first time in a relationship that I really felt like I was being pursued back.
Both I guess- we each indicated that we were interested through flirting and prolonged conversations, although he made the first move with arranging a date, and contacted me the day afterwards. So perhaps he did more!
He pursued me. I was fresh out of a relationship and not looking for a boyfriend. He asked me out three times before I agreed, which he loves to tease me about now. Somehow everytime he tells the story to a third party now, another turned down date gets thrown in there- I think he's up to saying he was rejected by me 10 times now, which is quite the exaggeration.
we met thru mutual friends at the bar. I was basically there for my friend (I really didn't want to go out that night) and my SO went out for his friend. (My friend and his friend were dating) so we just met there and talked.
Ever since then, we hung out every single day for 6 weeks. we had fun everyday. And it was just great. We just knew we would spend the afternoon together.
one night we went out for my friends bday.. With help of beers, I told him "I like you and I know you like me. I've been true to myself and i don't know if there is anything more i can show you about myself. if you are still not sure whether you want to be in a relationship or not, I can tell you we will never be. So let's stop all the mind games and tell me do you want to be my boyfriend"
lol he kissed me and said I want to be with you everyday
ever since we are inseparable
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