Were you pursued or did you pursue? (at the beginning stages of relationship)

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
  • poll: Were you pursued or did you pursue?
    I pursued : (12 votes)
    10 %
    He pursued : (71 votes)
    57 %
    We took turns : (31 votes)
    25 %
    There was no pursuing. : (10 votes)
    8 %
    Can't remember : (0 votes)
  • Member
    4545 posts
    Honey bee

    I was 15 and FH was 17 when we first got together. I didn’t even have texting on my phone, but he told me that, if I ever did, to get his number from a friend and text him. I got it maybe a week later, and asked a mutual friend for his number. I texted him and we started talking, and I was still texting the mutual friend. She told me that she thought FH and I would make a cute couple. I told FH what the friend had said, and he agreed! 3 days later, we were officially a couple. 

    So technically, I guess I pursued him! 

    We did break up and get back together twice more after that, and both times, he very much pursued me. The second time we dated, I held off becoming official for a couple weeks. The third time, it took 4 months. There was a lot of other stuff going on at the time, and I didn’t want to commit to him when I couldn’t focus on building our relationship. We texted and Skyped all the time, until we eventually got back together… and the rest is history. 

    Member
    2369 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I saw my FI one night (our junior year in college) when I was at a party at one of the apartment complexes where my friend lived. FI lived there too. The complex had a hot tub, and our party went down, and then FI’s very outgoing roommate convinced them to go down too.

    I didn’t even see him get in, but at one point I looked across and saw him and I swear time just stopped. (Super cheesy, but it’s true!) I made it a point to go talk to him. Turns out, he had noticed me too! But he had thought I might be with the guy I had been talking too earlier (just a friend.)

    Anyway, we started seeing each other. Now, at the time, I was still trying to get over a horrendous breakup. I had been devastated and was really struggling. Also, this was April-May of 2009, and I was heading for an entire semester abroad in the fall. We saw each other for a few weeks, and while I really liked him, I was feeling so uncertain. I had resigned myself to being alone for awhile, probably meeting someone sometime when I came back.

    Two weeks or so after we met, he asked me out. I told him no, for the reasons I listed above. But I also told him that I did like him, and I’d like to keep seeing him if he wanted. And he did.

    A month later, he had completely won me over. We were at a Gary Allen concert on the beach on May 29th, visiting some of his friends. He held me and sang along to the song “The One”. If you look up the lyrics, you could see why they were so perfect. The next day on the beach I looked at him laying next to me, and could hardly tear myself away from his hazel eyes. And then I was like “Sunnyday you moron!!! Don’t you dare let this one fade away! Don’t be so stupid and scared, just jump!” So I asked HIM out. And he said yes :)

    So I guess to sum up, our initial interest was mutual, and then he persued me, and then I persued him.

    Member
    4977 posts
    Honey bee

    He pretty much pursued me.  I don’t know how to answer for my “successful” relationships because this is my only successful one…since it will be my only marriage.  I was pretty forward with him the night I met him but he called me and asked me out the next day and pretty much kept calling me and pursuing me.  I mean, I almost always said yes to seeing him I just didn’t know if I was ready for a relationship as quickly as he was.  He asked me to be his girlfriend a month after I met him and I actually told him no because I wasn’t ready.  But I was ready about 3 weeks after that!  So about 7-8 weeks after we met we were a couple.

    I’ve been the one that pursued in the past and those didn’t work out for me because I don’t think he was as into me as I was into him.

    Member
    831 posts
    Busy bee

    Well, initially DBF seemed to take the initiative. He would constantly comment on my Facebook posts, he would listen to my needy rants, and he even pointed out that his phone number was on his Facebook profile, hoping that I would text him. I found this rather unusual for a classmate from the previous semester.

    When DBF and I really started to get to know each other, he would usually initiate our Facebook conversations. At the time, he said he usually didn’t chat with people…I probably should have taken that as a hint he liked me (as if the ten-hour long chat sessions didn’t!).

    I will note, however, that I was the one who admitted to having feelings for him first and the first to say I loved him. He formally asked me to be his girlfriend, though, so I guess we took turns. 

    ETA: I am a big advocate of either partner taking the initiative. However, I’m glad it was more on DBF, since I always did the pursuing with the guys I liked prior to him. It was a relief to know he was interested. :)  

    Member
    2583 posts
    Sugar bee

    I don’t think it makes a difference in the long run who initated the pursuing.

    Member
    11379 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    he definitely pursued me. 

    we met in the parking lot while walking into starbucks.  he asked if he could buy me a coffee.  we sat for 4 hours.  he texted me the next day to meet up for another coffee and then the next day, and the next day.

    i was casually dating other guys at the time but started to brush them off after a week or so with my now dh.

    Member
    3896 posts
    Honey bee

    Both, I guess. It was probably more me in the very beginning, but then he was really the one who did the pursuing later on.

    Member
    4840 posts
    Honey bee

    No real pursuit with DH but I definitely always held the upper hand. There was no passivity or sticking to “The Rules”. I was open, up front and honest and it took a lot of the stress out of the relationship.

    Member
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee

    I let him know I was interested (suggested we go for a drink, and gave him my email), and then I left it up to him what he did with that. Likewise, I let him reach out after that date, and most of the dates following (if I had tickets to something, I would ask him if he wanted to come, but otherwise I left the ball in his court)

    I used to pursue men more actively, but had become a convert to letting them have and enjoy the chase. Those relationships always turned out better than the ones where I was doing the pursuing.  You never question where you stand with him when you let him take the lead.

    Member
    1340 posts
    Bumble bee

    I pursued him.
    I had known him for a while, and I always thought he was so cute and funny.
    Right after my long-term boyfriend and I broke up, I invited him to hang out with me.
    We went to a party where, after one drink and completely out of no where, I kissed him on the lips and told him that I had a crush on him for years.

    He told me he felt the same way. :)

    Member
    467 posts
    Helper bee

    After a bad break up with my ex-fiance I did not want a relationship at all.  He was EXTREMELY persistent.  I didn’t admit we were dating until about 3 months into it.  He then asked me at least once a day (usually more) to marry him, and he did that for a year and a half before I finally said yes!  :-)   He is the most amazing man.  He is so perfect for me and I for him.  I truely believe that he is my soul mate.  (and he thinks the same.)

    Member
    58 posts
    Worker bee

    Well he’d pursued me on and off for 11/12 years and I may have attempted once or twice in between that time but it didn’t work successfully until about a year ago when I realized he was the only one I could see myself with so once I matured and was ready I initiated and he was receptive, a year later we’re engaged. 

    Member
    10833 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    We didn’t pursue each other it kind of just fell into place, right place right time. We hooked up the night we met and had a date the next day. After that we just started facebook  chatting and calling each other. A week after we met we decided together to be a couple. We’ve decided everything together ever since lol.

    Member
    456 posts
    Helper bee

    We both met after an online thing. We both just wanted to be friends as we were both still dealing with break ups.

    We spent that Sunday (after I worked a double shift, and had gotten 3 whole hours of sleep the night before) in the library until it closed, and he drove me back to my dorm room. We spent the next night in the library until it closed, working more on getting to know each other than our homework.

    After a week and a half of that, we started talking about dating. I told him I wanted to date him, but would deal with being just friends, if that was what he wanted. We both took a few hours to think about it, came back, and were unanimous that we wanted to be together (despite our difference of opinion on UofM vs. MSU).

    So… I don’t really know who persued whom. I guess we both kind of did, since I kind of hinted I wouldn’t be happy with us being just friends and that it would be difficult…

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