Post # 1
Hey all, I haven’t yet asked the pastor of our church to marry us yet as we want to try to get to know him and the rest of the church better first (that and we are still like 14 months away) Its a non denominational church and I never thought they were that judgemental. But my sister got married by the pastor at my old church in NJ which was very similar to the one FI and I go to now… and she was required to sign a vow before God to not have sex for 6 months before the wedding. I was shocked!
That won’t be an option for us as I think taking that long of a break would cause problems in our sex life and in our marriage which just isn’t worth the risk. So if they require it we will be forced to find someone else which I REALLY don’t want to do. I am not a fan of having a stranger marry us.
I’m curious as to how many people ran into this with their church?
Post # 3
We did not even discuss it with our pastor. All we told him was that we weren’t living together before marriage, so he (correctly) assumed that we were waiting to have sex, too. It was never discussed again, except as one of the things that will be enjoyed within marriage as a way of maintaining closeness. No uncomfortable questions or mandates or anything.
Post # 4
It wasn’t a requirment but they suggested it and we decided we would give it a try. It’s been a month so far and we have 6 more to go. Honestly, I think it’s been great for us. Not having sex doesn’t mean no contact. We do everything except. Good luck!
Oh, and just to clarify…we arn’t necessarily doing it because I think God won’t approve of our marriage otherwise. I know God loves me no matter what. It’s more of a testiment to our relationship that we can do this. That our relationship isn’t held together by sex but by our love.
Post # 5
We’re getting married in 6 weeks and meeting with another pastor this Saturday. I’ve already cut off MrJ, so no big if he asks. Wouldn’t be 6 months, though…
My family has already left our church after the pastor refused to marry us since MrJ is not a professed Christian. She did not even enquire about our living arrangements or sexual past, etc. So we’re meeting with the pastor who married my parents and baptized me, who has no problem with our relationship given that we both support each other and he is open to my beliefs (he is).
So I can’t answer your poll, but I’m over being married by a stranger. 🙂
Post # 6
For six months before the wedding? Sorry… what is the point of this? You only lose your virginity once, and if you didn’t “save it” for your wedding night in the first place, I think it’s utterly ridiculous to artificially halt your sex life for an arbitratry time frame before the wedding.
Either you’re a virgin, or you’re not. End of story.
Post # 7
It did come up in our 1st prematal session & our Pastor just requested that if we weren’t refraining already, if we would please commit to till the wedding. We made a commitment to refrain to each other before that though just under the pretense that we really wanted line our relationship with what God asks in scripture and to keep ourselves open to God, re-consecrating our purity to him, so that in our time of counseling especially He could prepare us for the marriage he had & wanted for us. I can say that oallow all the decisions we made throughout our engagement in prep for the wedding, that was by far the best one. 🙂
Post # 8
well unless he’s peeping in your windows (creepy!), how does he know? Maybe it’s because their nondenominational, but I know most churches can’t make you do something like that. Our priest never really asked. We DID live together for the last 6 months before the wedding, but we were waiting until our wedding night anyway. The priest probably actually (incorrectly) assumed we WERE having sex, lol.
Post # 9
I think this is none of their business. End of story
Post # 10
im getting married in a catholic church and my fiance and i live together. our priest knows this and its not a problem. if it were a problem, we wouldn’t want him to be the one to marry us.
Post # 11
our priest didn’t even ask us about it even though we’re living together! dunno what I would have done if any of it became an issue…
Post # 12
@MissNoodles: I engage in premarital intercourse, but I can absolutely understand why someone would refrain from sexual relations prior to marriage despite the fact that they have been sexually active in the past. If your faith considers a particular behavoir to be immoral, then why would an individual persist in engaging in that behavoir simply because they have done so in the past?
Post # 13
This is a huge fear of mine. We are going to ask a pastor to officiate our (August 2013) wedding this June, and this is my biggest concern. My FI and I already have a kid (he’ll be 4 at the wedding), so our virginal status isn’t exactly a mystery. But I also feel like for the same reasons its important for married couples to have sex, it’s important for us too.
Post # 14
We’re holding off until the wedding just so that we really feel like it’s feelings other than wanting to get in each other’s pants that bring us together. And that we’ll really want to get in each other’s pants come our wedding day. 🙂
Post # 15
It was never asked in our pre-marital sessions. We did the prepare/enrich questionnaire, and since we both were on matching levels about ‘sexual expectations,’ the entire discussion in that area was ‘I see you both are in very close agreement in this area. Does anyone have any concerns or things they would like to address? Nope? Ok. Now on to financial discussions.” Very painless (and we agreed to be upfront if asked about it, but no one asked and it was a non-issue).
Post # 16
Our Pastor never asked. He knows we are living together and have been for awhile. We were living together when we started going to this church 3 months ago. About 2 months ago my FI and I started talking about waiting. Then he had a talk with our Pastor, and told our pastor he was starting to think maybe we shouldn’t be having sex until we get married. Our Pastor just looked at him and said ” that’s right, you shouldn’t”. He never demanded it, or asked. He just sent a clear message during church service, and it was our own personal relationships with Jesus, and our desire to get right with God that made our decision for us. We still live together, and even sleep in the same bed. But we’re both convicted not to have sex in any form until we are married. And honestly, it’s alot easier then we both anticipated. It’s been amazing for our relationship and spiritual growth together. I’m glad I still get to sleep with my head on his shoulder, but if at any time that becomes too difficult we’ll just have to sleep seperately.