were you the first of your friends to have a baby?

posted 3 years ago in Babies
  • poll: how'd you find it
    easy! wasnt a problem at all. : (4 votes)
    31 %
    some things were hard, but others it was fine : (6 votes)
    46 %
    it was so hard, FOMO hit me so bad all the time! :( : (3 votes)
    23 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    329 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Commenting to follow – I’m facing this right now and would love to get input!

    Post # 4
    Member
    6273 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    though not pregnant yet: of my friends, i’ll be near first.  of DH’s friends, i’ll be near last. 

     

    and we are not young. i am 32 and DH is 36.

     

     

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    11668 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    My BFF has a 2.5 year old. Other than that I’m the first of my friends to have a baby. None of my other friends are anywhere near this point in their life yet (most aren’t even married). my BFF isn’t planning on having another child any time soon (she isn’t married or with her daugther’s dad anymore).  So, it’s kind of sad going it alone, but I’m planning to go to a new mother’s support group my hospital offers while on maternity leave so I am sure I will meet new moms there!

    Post # 6
    Member
    2189 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    @nearlymarriedlass:  When I was 22 I had my first son and I was the first of my friends. It was hard for me, I thought they would be around more than they were and I lost a lot of friends. Turns out they weren’t great friends after all I guess.

    At first they would visit then the baby would start crying to I’d have to change him/feed him and they would get uncomfortable and leave. And they would invite me out to go drink/bars/etc and I could only sometimes not as much as before so we started drifting apart.

    I have a couple friends that stuck by me though and I can see how generic the other ones were and how great the real ones are.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1648 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2000

    Yes my friends have been very understanding, esp now that I’ve been going thru some narly morning sickness.  When I do feel well, I make sure not to talk their ear off about baby stuff and ask how they’re doing, etc. Quite frankly, I’m even tired of being constantly asked about the baby, so it’s good to stuff feel “normal” around them.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    3989 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I’m not the first, but I wish I was.  I don’t like all of the advice that I’ve been getting.  Friends telling me what I am missing from my registry, what I should and should not be eating, what newborn schedule to practice, what yoga exercises to do…

    blah.blah.blah.

    I know they’re trying to be helpful but I’d much rather do research on my own.

    Post # 9
    Member
    975 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

    I am from Hickville. They all seem to have unexpected pregnancies (like they say… nothing better to do than drink and f***). Like…. 90% of the kids from my high school got pregnant under 25. Two of them are on their third child already. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    339 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I was the first, I got pregnant at 19 while on a gap year on the other side of the world from all my friends so that was hard. A couple of them said “They expected better of me” when I told them which I found really upsetting and difficult but most of them were really understanding and some offered to come over and help as I would be staying out here. Everyone kind of was going their separate ways at this time anyway, university, travel, work etc so I didn’t feel like I was being excluded from group experiences so much as just life experiences in general. I have visited home since then and saw all my friends, both with baby in tow and a night out without and both occasions were fine, they were all very sweet with the baby and it felt like not much had changed when we went out for the night. A few have drifted away from me in the past year but when you have completely different lives (being responsible and a mother doesn’t go hand in hand with friendship with a boozing, partying 24/7 student) it’s understandable. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1025 posts
    Bumble bee

    I will be the ‘first’ of DH’s and I’s friends to have a baby (I use ‘first’ because one friend and I are sue within a week of eachother so who knows who will actually have the baby first). I get pretty overwhelmed with it, everyone havinging an opinnion on something, but nothing to base it off of. People are constantly asking me questions of such a vetrinary nature. Also constantly saying that they are going to come over all the time. No you’re not.

    Also all of them are making these amazing summer plans and although I appreciate the invite, they keep forgetting you can just take off to a rowdy music festival with a two month old in tow (maybe some people can, I can’t).

    Post # 12
    Member
    1242 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

    I am the first to have a baby on my side of friends and on DH’s side, I’m the second to have a baby. Out of my group of friends, four others are pregnant and will be giving birth starting 5 months after I did. It was nice that I could talk to them about it and it’ll be great when we’re all in the same place but my maternity leave was difficult. Post partum hit me hard between not having my mom around (she passed almost five years ago) and being cooped up at home (we had terrible snow storms and freezing weather at the beginning of my leave making it near impossible to get out) that it would’ve been nice having someone to relate to, going through it with. I’m having a much easier time now that she’s slowly getting past her colicky phase, thank God. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1355 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

    Of our close friends, we will be, but all of the things we do with friends can be done with children. We’re kind of a low-key group.

    Post # 14
    Member
    643 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m actually going to be the last of my friends to have kids. It feels weird sometimes, like I’m behind where I should be. Overall though, we just make plans that include the kids and everything works out just fine!

    Post # 15
    Member
    4043 posts
    Honey bee

    Nope. My long time BFF had her first child at 19 (who is now almost 7 now). I am 25 (almost 26) and don’t plan on having a child for at least 5 more years. I have two friends who are planning on TTCing in the next 2-3 years, so they will definitely have children before us as well.

    Post # 15
    Member
    108 posts
    Blushing bee

    I was the first to get married and have a baby and through both processes, I learned who was worth keeping around and who wasn’t. At the end of the day, it’s sad that some friendships lasted years only to end during the most important times of my life but also I’m glad to know that I have some stellar friends who are nothing but happy for me with me! 

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