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What I hear a lot of people say is, "We were open to having kids." It's vague enough yet it answers their question.
When they ask if you were trying...you could say "every night" :) haha i think that would catch me off guard!! but i think its rude for people to ask that too!!
I love CANNOTWAIT's response :)
Honesty is best. Some people might not realize how rude/insensitive that question really is!
Ok, so you totally just confirmed my worst fear! People actually do ask if you were trying?? We haven't started telling anyone yet, but what an awkward conversation. I have never asked a newly pregnant friend/coworker/family member if they were trying or not. What do you do if this comes up at work? I have a feeling some of my (nosy!) coworkers might ask...I feel like my response will be unprofessional no matter how I put it.
I think it is really invasive for people to ask too! I think the only time it is ok is if you have a friend who is trying to get pregnant and they want to know about what you did, or how long it took or whatever. Then I don't mind at all. But for people to just ask? Its weird. Although I have to say very few people have actually just asked me that question out of the blue.
yikes... i think i might be guilty of this kinda! i don't think i've ever said that... but i think i have said "was this expected?" It wasn't meant to be rude... but more kind of "how am i supposed to respond to this?". Obviously if someone tells me and they're all happy/glowy/excited then i'm just all OOOO CONGRATS!! but if you get kind of a flat "i'm pregnant" then you're not sure if you're supposed to be like "congrats" or like "it'll be ok!"
Of course none of my friends are married so i guess its a more delicate issue there :)
@corgi - well if it was one of my best friends then I wouldn't mind! But I think this goes more towards work colleagues and people you know vs. good friends or family (although I don't really like when some ppl in my family ask either!)
@janna- well i'll definitely not ask again :) but yea i understand. I would never say "are you trying" bc thats like saying "have you been having a lot of unprotected sex intentionally lately?" which ummm is just more info than i need haha. Of course I also don't love when my cousins announce (and they do) that they're "trying." TMI! Surprise me! lol. But I'm weird i guess :)
@corgi - too funny! And I totally agree. we didn't tell anyone we were trying - much better to tell them when you are pregnant! surprise factor is much better that way :) and the invasive questions on "how is it going" don't happen eiher!
We have had a surprising amount of people ask us if we are trying or when we plan to as well! People, we will tell you when we are ready to! Don't force me to lie to your face. The other night, one of my cousins was (jokingly) trying to get the information out of us. He was like, "you actually SMELL pregnant." When I told him that being able to smell a pregnancy was quite a talent and that he should be able to make money with that ability, he was all "so you ARE pregnant? I was right??" Little does he know....
Hah! I like Mrs. Menard's "every night!" response the best. It would totally throw people off. Though I can see how you maybe wouldn't want to use it in every situation, they were nosy enough to ask in the first place! :-)
I'm usually pretty curious about this but I try really hard not to ask. Word usually gets around anyways. Which is actually one of the reasons I'll probably allow it to be known that it's a possibility. It's damn near impossible to keep anything quiet in J's family. Or with his friends. :-)
We've been married for almost two years, and when we tell people we're pregnant, we annouce it together, with a lot of enthusiasm and big smiles. So we're obviously happy about it! Which makes it even weirder that people are asking us, "Were you trying?". Even it we weren't, we've obviously decided we're happy about it, so just be excited for us!
Since we haven't really started telling people yet, it will be interesting to see if we get this. Perhaps I'll tell them that it just took 33 years and a marriage before I had an accident. Or maybe, "were you trying?" "With my husband? No. But with my boyfriend..." People and interesting.
Even more annoying than the "are you trying" question is when people actually ask you if you're sure that you weren't pregnant on your wedding day! That's what happens when you are lucky enough to get pregnant on your honeymoon...and WAY too many people now know that I was having my period during our actual wedding because I wasn't really sure how to answer that question!
Probably TMI for some of the people that got that answer, but hey - I figure if you're rude enough to say something like that, then you deserve to know about cramps on my wedding day...LOL!
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Now that I am pregnant and we have started to tell a few close friends, I have discovered how annoying it is when people respond by saying, "Were you trying?" GAH! What a rude question! We were trying, but what if we weren't? Are people expecting us to answer, "Oh no, this was a big drunken mistake - Oopsie!" or "Nope, condom broke, but I guess we'll keep it anyway!"
How rude! I have just been saying a simple "yes" but I need a better response. How do you answer when you get asked if you were trying?