Post # 1
I’m sure this poll has been on here before, but I’m quite curious. We had talked about marriage once or twice, but in an abstract way. There was never a time line. We both knew things were moving toward that end, and we had discussed all of the important things lke children, etc.
But we never discussed a timeline for marriage, or getting engaged. I’ve always felt that, once you’ve decided on when you’ll get married, you’ve decided, you’re engaged, and it’s done. Wy wife agrees, and so, quite wisely, she mentioned what kind of engagement rings she liked the first week we met. The funny thing is, that week, I also started thinking about ways to propose.
I proposed in November 2012, and, aftewrard she told me she had set April 2013 as the limit for waiting. if I didn’t propose by then, she was going to propose!
So, as you may have guessed, I bought the ring without her help, and completely surprised her with the proposal. It seems this is not normal anymore, or perhaps it never was that common. I’m just curious as to how many other proposals were truly a surprise.
Post # 3
We discussed marriage, the ring./ Surprised with his final choice for ring./ Surprised with the proposal.
Post # 4
For us, we had discussed getting married “in a couple of years’ time.” There was a misunderstanding where I thought I had asked to go ring shopping before the proposal, and he thought I’d asked to go ring shopping after the proposal. But it worked out great, because when the proposal came I was completely taken by surprise, because we hadn’t been shopping so I thought there was no way it was coming for a few more months! He proposed without a ring while we were travelling, we bought a stand-in 2 days later, and the “real” ring came about 3 months later.
Post # 5
@Duncan: We had talked about our joint future several times and knew we would get married one day. I shattered DH’s illusions one day by asking what to do if he chose a ring I didn’t like – should I tell him and spoil the moment, or wear a ring I didn’t like for the rest of my life? He had never thought of that practicality when imagining his dream proposal!!
He knew pretty much what I liked and he picked the ring himself. Proposal was a surprise until about 15 mins before he was about to do it. He had engineered a visit to my parents to ask permission and then a week later he took me away for the weekend. He insisted we go to this special beach he had seen on the map and on the way there I happened to look in the glove box – there was a small black cushion there which I knew hadn’t been there before! He had the ring box in his pocket but didn’t know whether the cushion would be useful/a good idea so had brought it along anyway. I guessed that’s what it was.
Funny story – he had been telling me about taking his ex for a romantic weekend (trying to throw me off the scent) and how at the end of the weekend, he asked if she had had a nice time and she replied ” Yeah, but I thought you were going to ask me to marry you” ! So, just as we set off to the beach and he asked me if I was enjoying the trip, I replied with exact same thing for a laugh….little did I know that I was about to get a proposal! We had a good giggle about it after.
The ring was a surprise and exactly what I would have picked for myself, but it was too small so I couldn’t put it over my knuckle! He knew that (from comparing it to another ring he found at home) but it was too late to change it. It didn’t matter though as we had it resized as soon as we got home.
Post # 6
We bought a house together about 6 months before getting engaged, and at that point we both decided that we were going to marry, it was just a matter of when. In September 2012 he suggested we go look at rings, and around the same time, he suggested we take a weekend trip in October to go hiking and stuff. I was pretty sure (90%) that the proposal was coming that weekend, and I’ll admit that the night before we left I snooped and found the ring.
I hate surprises so it worked out for the best, plus I made sure to paint my nails the night before we left.
Post # 7
Mine was a complete surprise. We had discussed marriage plenty of times and knew that we wanted it. We also bought a house together while we were still dating, so we were definitely in it for the long haul. Because of the house, I had assumed that my FI would wait a year or two before proposing to let finances settle down. But, he proposed 6 months after we bought the house, and now we’re planning a backyard wedding. I had no clue that it would be that soon. The ring was also a complete surprise. We had talked about rings maybe once before and it was very casual. He knew my style well and I love the ring he chose.
Post # 8
Mine was not a suprise and was 100% a decision we made together. He still managed to make the engagement/proposal weekend special and exciting, but we got to that point together. It made it more special to me, and a memory that I will always cherish.
Each couple is different though, and there are many people (girls and guys) who thought we were pretty nuts for doing it the way we did.
Post # 9
We had talked extensively about marriage and knew we wanted to be married no later than late-2014 or early-2015. So I knew a proposal was most likely coming. But I told him I wanted NO details – no hints, no ring photos, etc…I wanted to be completely surprised. He had my ring custom made on his own without my help, and surprised me with it while we were on a long weekend away. We were at the top of the CN Tower in Toronto…it was very romantic, and I was completely surprised. 🙂
Post # 10
He brought up marriage just over a year ago because he realized that it was more important to him than he thought. I’d always been against it, for no real reason other than not needing it to validate our relationship…. I said I’d only do it if we could afford to do what we wanted to do, how we wanted to it without going into debt. This makes it sound so un-romantic but, we’re practical people and it was a decision for us to make together, not for him to spring on me.
He came up with a ring budget, we looked around for about 4-5 months, decided on one and got engaged in July of 2013. Despite knowing every single detail about the ring and the vacation we went on to get engaged, the proposal completely caught me off guard and took my breath away.
Post # 11
He had asked for ring options and I had given him three different ones that I liked (each in a different price range). Other than that the entire proposal was a complete surprise. I didn’t know what ring he picked (or even that he had, turns out he’d had the ring for several weeks), or anything else. I was completely surprised by the entire proposal. All the times I spent expecting it and saying maybe now or maybe this date, and he went and was able to completely surprise me.
Post # 12
@Duncan: yes and no. We’ve been (and lived) together for years and talked marriage for a while. He took me to look at rings in January 2013, and I knew that he was diamond shopping in the spring and summer. So I had a pretty good idea he was going to propose in the near future. But when we went on the trip to CA, where he proposed, I had no idea that he already had the diamond set and carried the ring in his pocket. So I was caught completely off guard by the proposal – I thought the ring was still in progress and we were just taking a nice walk on the beach at sunset. When he got down on one knee I was so shocked that I gave him the wrong hand to put the ring on! Oops. It was a lovely and romantic moment.
Post # 13
@Duncan: I was not surprised and although I would like to have been surprised there is no way and I mean NO WAY he could have picked a ring out I would have been happy with. Not that I wanted some astronomically huge, expensive ring. I don’t even have a diamond center stone. I just like so few pieces of jewelry there’s no way he would’ve picked one out that I loved. I know this about myself, so I just told him that rather than let him pick it out and make him feel like crap later when he realized I was disappointed.
Post # 14
I picked “Explains!” – it was supposed to be a surprise but loose lips sink ships! My fiance went ring shopping with one of my best friends & I got a 4-day heads-up on the proposal bc he called my dad to be all gentlemanly and ask for my hand….but somehow my dad did not get the memo that he was proposed to before I was! He called me about 38 seconds later to say “oh my god I am so excited we love FI how cool I did the same with your Papa Ed when I proposed to your mom! When are you going to start telling the family?” and I had to say “uh…maybe after he proposes?” haha. Poor Dad. He was so happy and cute and excited!
I did not take the wind out of FI’s sails when he planned a date to the spot where we had our first date four days later – but I did tell him after that my dad spilled the beans & I had a pretty good idea about what was happening!
Before we were engaged, we’d talked abstractly about getting married, the possibility of children, where we’d like to settle down geographically & had frank discussions about our respective financial situations/future goals but there was no formal timeline for an engagement.
Post # 15
My first post was eaten, so this will be short but sweet (by my often long winded standards). I voted somewhere in between.
We talked about marriage a lot and had a rough timeline in place, and after we looked at rings and realized I had very specific, fairly unique taste, we decided he’d propose with a whimsical, inexpensive ring in a velvet box. He hinted at summer but planned his proposal for March, and I accidentally found out about his plans a week in advance. We decided to carry on, and it was perfect, 99% of the details were still a surprise, and I got my “official” engagement ring and we set a date a couple months later 🙂
Post # 16
I was completely surprised. At the time he proposed, we had been together 5 1/2 years and we were both juniors in college. I had always thought he would propose the summer after we graduated (which turned out to actually be the summer we got married!)
We had discussed rings just in general terms years prior, and I mentioned liking princess-cut solitares. He picked a radiant cut solitare set in white gold. I loved it, and still admire it daily on my left hand!
I loved that our proposal was a complete surprise. I cried and a I was speechless!