What a crappy first year…

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
3806 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you have faith in some deity, rely on that. I’m a Christian and praying is the one thing that keeps me sane, grounded, and at peace.

I hope you are able to work it out and talk and let out your pain and frustration in therapy! I know it’s helped me in the past when life became overbearing.

Post # 3
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If you have a certain Faith then PRAY. That has helped me through my tough times. And this may sound odd, but music has helped me so much. I used to just walk at the park and turn my Ipod on and just zone out. Sometimes I would even need time for myself. I’d tell my boyfriend at the time I needed some space, I would turn on music and just have a good long cry. It seriously works. Until you see a theapist I would recommend doing that. Pray about it and just have some time for yourself to unwind. Maybe take a small little vacation, doesn’t have to be far but just enough to “get away”.  Just be open with your hubby about your feelings and he will understand. I will keep you in my prayers- and good luck hun and I’m so sorry that all happened to you but yes, in time it will get much better.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  foreverlovex. Reason: typing too fast
Post # 4
Member
2838 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

4littlekitties:  This is so, so much to deal with all at once. I don’t think I’ve ever been in that position where SO many things are happening at the same time, but I think that when I’m going through tough times, it helps to make “taking good care of myself” a priority. Like, are you getting enough exercise/movement? Walking, yoga, swimming – all of them are great stress relievers, and more vigorous exercise will give you endorphins. (And, as Elle Woods says in Legally Blonde, “endorphins make you happy!”)

Are you getting enough good nutrition? Healthy eating is always the first thing out the window for me when I’m stressed, but eating well is kind of essential for your general disposition. Getting all your vitamins in, not having sugar crashes or going hungry… all of that stuff is important. 

Are you taking care of your spiritual needs? Whether it’s religion or meditation or reading philosophy or whatever else you find inspirational… I think it’s way too easy to neglect your spiritual needs when you’re in crisis. Remember to take care of those, too, in whatever way is meaningful to you. Even if it’s just watching a funny movie or a comedy special and laughing your ass off. Laughing = healing. 

And finally, just doing something really NICE for yourself can help. When you’re doing something nice, you’re telling yourself – I’m an important person. My feelings matter to me. I’m worth it. If you can, book a massage, buy your favorite flowers, take an afternoon to do something you love (I’d spend it reading a great book at the beach) or take a day trip with your husband. Treat yourself to a nice dinner, a pedicure, a fancy cocktail… everyone deserves to treat themselves sometimes, but you especially deserve it right now. 

Post # 5
Member
2838 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

(And also, if it helps at all, know that this stranger from the internet is really thinking about you and sending you guys prayers and positive energy. I really, really hope that things start getting better like, immediately.) 

Post # 5
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

oh hun I am so sorry for everything that is going on! I can’t even begin to imagine what that is like. <br /><br />You and your husband made vows, you commited to each other and it just seems like the “worse” part of the vows hit soon, you are being tested sooner than most couples with the real tough things in life. You will get through this if you deal with it TOGETHER, realy on one another, be open to one another and cope with one another. Don’t forget your love for one another and hug and kiss often! It is a tough year and next year will most likely be the recovery from all of it and will no doubt be just as hard as this year. Dont give up on yourself or one another.

If you can get through this together, there is no doubt in my mind you will be stronger than ever and the happy times to come will be more meaningful and cherished more deeply by the two of you. <br /><br />Sending lots of hugs and love!

Post # 10
Member
33 posts
Newbee

4littlekitties:  I am so sorry you are going through this. I remember some of your story from the TTC after mc thread (that thread helped me through my mc this year too!). I went through a pretty severe depression a few months ago, and I started to see a therapist who wanted me to start meds. But, I was TTC and was very reluctant to go on meds. I started exercising every day and ate a healthy diet, and I think doing that really helped. Anyway, diet and exercise isn’t a magic cure for everything, especially with everything you are going through, but that is what helped for me. I tried to get through one day at a time and tried my best to remember to be thankful for what I did have that was good in my life.  And also all the great support on WB was a huge help!

Post # 11
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

 

4littlekitties:  I am sorry you are having so many difficulties.  Sometime disconnectted is right where God wants us, because it is in that moment that we realize we are not in contorl and everything happens according to his divine purpose.  YOu wil get through it, but use it as an opportunity to connect with you husband and don’t shut him out.  I learned along time ago, to surrender and let go and let God…. yes it is tough sometimes, but he sees the bigger picture and knows what will happen tomorrow, I can’t even control whether or not I am breathing in the next 30 seconds. 

 

Best of luck to you and God Bless

 

Post # 13
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’ve read a lot of studies that talk about the healing role of gratitude….so, cheesy as it might sound, writing down a few things each day or week that you’re thankful for and reflecting on them can be part of the healing process. This doesn’t mean ignoring or downplaying all the true difficulties you’re going through, but just helping you to remember the positive amid all of the crappy stuff.

Beyond that, I just wanted to send you some internet love and hugs. You have had such a tough year, and you are a superwoman to be working your way through all of this. I’m praying for a lot of continued strength for you, and hoping things will look up soon.

Post # 14
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I find comfort in this, hopefully you do too.

I think that everyone has about the same amount of tragedy they they must face in life. The difference is that for some people, the tragedy tends to happen all at once. For others, such tragedy happens much later in life, all spread out and with breathing time in between. 

So just know that, although it is a dark, hard time now. This too shall pass and then you will have many years of calmer seas. 

Post # 15
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Honey, take a month off of TTC. You are under way too much pressure. Just give yourself a break. Do the grieving and thinking that you both need to do and come back to TTC later. Stress is not your friend.

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