- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
For the past few weeks I feel like the only thing I have been doing is surfing on the net, been on here ofcourse, and just being miserable, and I am going crazy!
I have been bedridden for two weeks now because of my back, I got Sciatis and disk hiarniations (is that even spelled that way?) I’ve been trying to walk around, do things, even go on walks. I can’t even sit. My doctor has sent me off to a physiotherapist on Monday, and meeting up with her tomorrow aswell. I am so fed up being at home, alone. My fam in another country,not having any friends besides friends at work. No one to share all this wedding stuff with, can’t plan, alot.. Can’t even knit lying down? Nor play the guitar… I’ve never ever felt so lonely ever. Today is just a shit pissy day 🙁
Fiance got promoted, which is of course good in some aspects, I am very happy. But it will also mean he will travel more (Actually to the US). He accepted the job without asking me how I felt about it, when our whole meaning being here working, is to save money to move back home, and with his career step it feels like we’re going futher away. LDR for me and my son is not any option right now. Once you are alone alot, specially when in pain and in a bad bad mood, you start to think about the small things, and seriously I am annoyed at everything and anything right now.
Fiance does understand my backissues, he got a spinal surgery after also having disk problems 6+ months ago, after having backissues for like 9+years (he is 28 next year) and it is the other way around. Now he has to take care of me.. even though I am so trying myself to get things done, i can’t because of my body. I hate myself for not being able to do all that I usually do. It’s not money problems that keeps me annoyed either, at first I thought so because we are a bit short on money right now but work is paying for my sick leave, insurance is taking care of my bills, I am not worried for that. I just don’t know what is wrong with me. I feel unhappy today, most unhappy I have been for a very long long time. And in freckin pain aswell.
My mom called today aswell asking why didn’t show up for this weekend, and she can’t relate. WTF. If I could sit I would be on that airplane and visit but I can’t. Not even on morphine, codine, nor tramadol! :/ I freckin cry every morning because nothing has changed. It’s the same effing pain. And that also means no sex, which makes Fiance cranky, me too. I hate this!
I am just having a bad day, and needing to vent. Thanks for being there bees!