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Other people may not agree but I would wait. Its fun being engaged right? so why not enjoy it a little longer? lol
Also, by the time your wedding rolls around you will be sooooo ready to marry your man!
i agree with waiting, since you are pushing it out for a year and a half most vendors wouldn't be booked and would just reschedule the wedding for you. you could also just pay your parents back whatever deposits you have. if you will be going into marriage more financially stable, i definitely say pay the most bills that you can so that you can go in with a clean slate so to speak.
I also agree, wait. There's just so many reasons, and we pushed our wedding back about the same amount of time for the same reasons basically.
Plus you get more time to plan and be sure of everything.
If your parents are already willing to pay for it, what about compromising? Push it back six-twelve months, and split the cost with them (your parents). It'd still give you more time and more money, but wouldn't mean waiting quite so long.
Before you push the date back, I'd go through your finances really carefully. You better make sure you actually do end up with all the benefits you listed (having twice the budget, paying off all your loans, etc). Is he certain he has a job lined up when he graduates and he knows the salary? Have you calculated exactly how much you will be able to save each month that can be put towards the wedding?
Basically I'd just hate for you to postpone the wedding and then come to realize that you are still in a similar financial situation.
I agree with Jacqi -- make sure you are entirely sure your finances will be as you said above that you thought they would before you make this decision.
If it really will double your budget and make everything so much easier...then I vote for pushing back the wedding. Like you said - what's a few more months when you've got a lifetime? Then you can look into options of splitting the budget with your parents. It also sounds like with a larger budget you will be able to do more with the wedding than you can now...I noticed you said you've been working really hard to get things under budget, which possibly means you have had to choose options you might otherwise not have gone with.
Also agree with the other posters that I don't think you'd forfeit the deposit by moving the date...probably just if you cancel entirely.
Also another question --- what do your parents think of FI's offer? Have you shared this with them?
Good luck - keep us posted on your thoughts and decision.
Jacqi raised some really, really good questions! That being said, I'd be SO torn! I cannot WAIT to marry my boy because it means we can finally live together. But to be out of student loan debt would be awesome.
Yeesh, hard decision. I think you two are the only ones who know what is right for you... for FI and I, I think we could wait a little additional time, but only because we live together and act like we're married. If it meant not living together, I couldn't do it!
We can't compromise b/c fiance won't be working then--finishing up grad school.
I'd already looked at me living at home working, so I know that it would work out--I'd only be paying car insurance, health insurance and student loans, so whatever is left over (probably about $500 a month if not more) would go towards the wedding/honeymoon.
I think you guys are definitely appealing to my logical side. and to whomever said it... it is fun being engaged! lol. It's just not fun being engaged and then contemplating a long distance relationship.
Id just like to point out that FI paying for it... is also you paying for it. What is spent on the wedding is money the two of you wont have. Id prefer my parents pay for it if they are willing.
That would be great if you could pay off the student loans. I have heard a lot of people struggle with those, we didn't have any thankfully. Would your parents be ok with you living there for a year and a half? Will it really help you save up enough money to pay for the wedding youself? Just make sure that you think about all the details before going through with anything.
is it a long distance relationship? that changes the game. a year and a half extra is a lot. I would elope, then have the reception you want when you can afford it. Probably by then it wouldn't mean as much to you and you'll save a ton of money by only getting what is important to you then! win - win.
Hi! I guess I don't see the point in doubling the budget, when you already have student debt to pay and are trying to save for a house. If you're willing to wait for another year and a half, I'd just keep it at the same budget, and put the extra money you're able to save towards other life goals such as home ownership and retirement investments. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the situation, though. Good luck!
I'm confused now... I thought you said FI would pay for the wedding. But it sounds like it will be you paying for the wedding if it gets pushed back.
Realistically, you need to consider costs such as entertainment, food (even if your parents are fine paying for it all, you will probably eat out at least occasionally), gas, any visits you might want to make to FI since you are long distance, gifts (birthdays, weddings, holidays), other medical costs (like when you actually go to the doctor or need medicine) and personal care. It's easy to think you have more money than you do before you work it all out on paper (or excel). If you go to Suze Orman's website she has a really detailed budget template. (If you can't tell, I'm a huge fan of budgeting)
@jhphi- I think that is a really good point.
No, No, FI would be paying for the wedding, but I'd be "helping him out." LOL we're combining our finances anyways into a joint account, so I guess I'm thinking of it as a "yours and mine" type thing. It's just his salary would be bigger.
And the reason for doubling the budget is because everything here is really pretty expensive. We're unhappy with our venue and would love a better honeymoon--you only do it once, right? And the house thing is still years off... we plan on moving a couple of times before settling down in one place.
and I LOVE Suze Orman, I have definitely worked out a budget, and of course i didn't detail all expenses... too complicated for posting on WB! :)
@Melissa we're not an LDR now, but it would become one.
Thanks all you bees for your helpful insight!
Ok Im probably going to sound harsh, and Im sorry for that but here goes....
If you havent been long distance previously and youre going to go long distance if you wait, Id seriously reconsider it. FI and I have been in a LDR for 5 years now and its still incredibly hard, but to go from a 'normal' relationship to LDR is an ENORMOUS strain on a relationship.
Did you go away to college or have you been living home all along? because moving back home after college isnt easy. Its a huge adjustment. What kind of school loans do you have that you think you can pay off in a year and a half?
Here are your choices as I see it, You can have a wonderful wedding, although not your dream wedding, and spend the next year and a half (and forever) as husband and wife, OR you can spend the next year and a half apart, possibly have a rocky relationship because the adustment isnt easy, adjust to living at home again, have a bunch of fun planning a bigger wedding bash, spend thousands of dollars youve saved on a better wedding.
Ok Im done ranting. Im sorry if it seems harsh, I just see very little pros to waiting (aside from a bigger wedding, but youd be paying for that, oh and more planning time! noone can object to extra time to plan! haha)
I spent almost three years long-distance from my husband. As soon as we were ready to get married, we went to the courthouse, so that he could get a visa and move here. Long distance relationships are hard, even when they are succesful. Your priorities may differ, but there is pretty much nothing money can buy that would make me live apart from him for an extra eighteen months. You can always have a really fancy anniversary party in ten years when you have the money for it.
@historienne and goosegg, you both bring up the other side of my torn argument. I mean, money is a dumb thing to wait for, right? I think the money argument is because my parents don't have a lot of money, and watching them offer to pay for this and their struggle to do so just makes me feel bad. I'm still a student so I can't really offer to pay much at all, but I'm doing as much as I can to get the costs down. And the FILs are kind of weird... they're very harsh people who aren't too keen on FI and me getting married, so they are offering basically as little support as possible... even emotionally.
Yeah, I agree that a year and a half of a long distance relationship will be really tough, and I wonder if you would regret your choice, and how that regret might affect your relationship. You might resent him for this being his idea when the going gets tough. Honestly, if you are ready to be married, I would go ahead and get married rather than being apart for a year and a half so you can have a bigger wedding. But that's what I would do!
I guess I didn't understand fully what you were saying before so I'm changing my opinion. I think that you should go ahead and get married now and maybe hold off on going on a honeymoon until later. We haven't gone on one yet because we wanted to make sure that we had the money for it, and the time off from work to really enjoy it. I'm sure it would be easier to get married now instead of being apart for a year and a half and putting more stress in your relationship.
In my opinion there's never really a "good" time to do anything. We could all be a little richer, a little slimmer & a little more settled in life.
I wouldn't wait if I were you! What if something happens & your budget doesn't double or your FI has to move away for a job, etc. So many factors could change between now & then. My fear would be that you wait & it doesn't pan out as you'd hoped-- then you'd be full of resentment that you waited and didn't get what you wanted!
I've been in a LDR for (by the time our wedding happens) 4 years. We live in different countries & 3000 miles apart. Don't wait. Especially after engagement. I've noticed that the closer we get to our wedding date the more we HATE being apart. Before we had to deal with the distance, but now that the finish line is near- its agonizing to be apart. Don't do it. It will put a huge strain on your LDR.
Thank you everyone!
I think you guys are right, I should just get married now.
It sounds like a lot of the reason you want to hold off is so that your parents don't have to pay for the wedding. Could you just have a talk with them, to see how much of a struggle this actually is for them? Perhaps you could treat it more as a bit of a loan, and you and your FI can start paying them back, once you're married and he has a job.
One more thing-- I know you were probably teasing a bit about the "plus i can lose as much weight as I want" thing, but don't let that hold you back. I was at my highest weight ever when we got married, and I still felt gorgeous and beautiful and it didn't bring me down at all. It really doesn't matter, what you weigh for the wedding.
I think you made a good decision! My fiance and I have been long distance for our whole relationship and will only move into the same city on the Wednesday before our wedding! Like someone said above, I can't imagine getting used to having someone around and then going into a LDR. LDRs are always hard, but it's been SO much harder since the engagement. I would do anything to have him here right now with me!
And I was going to say what jhphi said - you can definitely use that future money that you are talking about to pay your parent's back for the wedding.
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Okay, so here's the deal. As most of you know, we're getting married out of college. However, fiance made an offer that well, quite frankly, i'm having trouble refusing!
He said he'd push the date back and pay for the whole wedding if I wanted... pushing the wedding back would mean a year and a half (what's a year and a half in the name of love right?) but would double our budget, I'd get my student loans paid off by living with dear old mom and dad while waiting and could save money for a house or something else.
Right away I told him that it wasn't necessary, but I know the financial strain that it's put on my parents to pay for this (even with me coming in wayyyy under budget on as many things as I could) and I like that we wouldn't have to struggle to pay bills while he's in grad school. Not to mention I could lose all the weight I want!
I know financially it makes tons of sense, but then my heart says--be away from him for a year and a half!?! Living with him wouldn't make it better because we'd still have mucho bills to pay, so I'd definitely live with my parents for a little bit. Also, we would lose out on some deposits unless we could get them rescheduled for a year and a half later (though the $1000 deposit from my venue would come back to them).
It's such a hard choice to make. I know that only I can make the decision, but I would love some perspective from you wise bees here in the hive.