Post # 1
I’m curious to see what you guys think about this question!
I found out through Facebook that a friend of mine wouldn’t be attending our wedding because they would be on vacation. I was a bit disappointed, since our STDs were sent out 5 months ago – but I know you can’t expect everyone to honestly ‘save the date’
What is more upsetting is our other mutual friends just decided (three weeks before we get married) to join them in Hawaii instead of coming to the wedding. I found this out by their chatter on Facebook (‘Oh I’m so excited you will be in Hawaii with us!’) Neither couple has verbally RSVPed ‘no’ or mailed in their cards (we are 5 days from our deadline.)
I’m disappointed. We socialize with them on a regular basis – and the just decided to go couple got married a year ago in a DW and we were fully prepared to fly to Jamaica for it (they eloped). I guess I’m feeling a little sensitive, but in a way I also feel like a wedding is once in a lifetime for most people and an important event.
I’ve missed ONE wedding that I was invited to – because we closed and moved into our house that day. The couple was engaged less than three months and we had absolutely no way to make a wedding an hour and a half away while we moved in.
So what do YOU think is a ‘good reason’ for missing your friends’ wedding?
Post # 3
i think if you have something already set up. Some reasons people weren’t able to make it to ours were that it was her due date to have a baby, someone had another wedding and they were related to either the Bride or Groom i can’t remember.
The only real excuses that i thought were a little poor were that they had something come up or had to work- when i saw on fb that they went to the college football game (yes it was the season opener but still)! HELLLOOO we are friends on fb if you want to talk about tailgating and put pics up at least don’t lie to me about why you can’t attend the wedding!
And my husband’s brother in law said he had the flu but was at the country club the next day… hmm… that one was questionable. I know he was pretty sick but the country club the next day? which we also found out thru fb!
Post # 4
Depending on how close you are, unless someone is dying or giving birth, I would be upset too. I’m sorry this is happening 🙁 Try to remember that you want those that WANT to be there for you guys, and are making an effort for you; no one else matters.
If it makes you feel any better, I had one girl tell me months in advance that she would “try to accomodate” me & FI on our wedding day. Why?? Because she had a 1 year old’s birthday party to attend. Nevermind the fact that, @ one point, she was supposed to be in our wedding! Yeah, we don’t speak anymore…
Post # 5
That’s a great topic. I suppose it’s a case by case basis for me. I could umbrella things like family emergencies, medical issues, financial reasons (ie. too expensive to fly out).
There are other things that could come up. But in your case, I would totally be hurt by your friends. I guess the one friend who made the original plans about Hawaii, could have run into a situation in which they were really planning the trip and got tangled into this one time. Maybe money was already tied into the trip too??? BUt honestly, the fact that the other friends are joining them seems ridiculous to me. It’s like they all just thought “*&%! Cristalynn’s wedding. This is way more fun.” I’m so sorry. I’d be hurt too.
Post # 6
The two times I’ve missed weddings were when they were during the holidays, one was during a long weekend and the other was during Christmas. I only see my family a few times a year so I chose to go home instead of the weddings.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2010 - Kindred Oaks, Georgetown
I’ve got a couple friends that aren’t coming because they live on the east coast and I’m in Texas. Although I think one of them expects me to attend their wedding next spring. It’s too expensive for them, and I know that’s a legit excuse, but I’m still hurt. They are two of my closest friends from college.
A friend a work told me he didn’t want to come because he didn’t have a date. Lame. I convinced him to bring another coworker and come anyways. Another friend told me she’s up for a promotion so she can’t take any time off. I don’t know about that. Is one day going to lose the promotion for you?
I don’t know. I’m gonna have a blast whether people show up or not so if they can’t make time for me, oh well. That’s how I feel. I’d be upset if I were in your situation too!
Post # 8
We had a guest that showed up to our ceremony and then decided to skip the reception because “they don’t make it to the area very often, and decided to make the trip worth it and go play tourist” BURN.
ETA – that’s my example of NOT a good reason. For a very close friend I would do almost anything. I was fully prepared to take off to Australia when my best friend was debating Australia vs. Canada for her wedding.
We’re TTC, and my husband’s sister is a lady in waiting with a dream wedding in the Dominican republic. I’m hoping to heck that her boyfriend gets his act together and they’re able to plan a wedding that beats me to my third trimester.
I would understand if a friend couldn’t come because it was very expensive, or was having/just had a baby, or there was a death in the family.
Post # 9
I think it depends how good the friends are. For my best friends, I would do almost anything to be at their wedding– to the point of putting it on a credit card if necessary– and I’d kind of expect them to do the same for me. But I can count those people on one hand. For all my other friends, I don’t really expect them to go out of their way too much to be there. I would hope they would come, but I probably wouldn’t be too upset about them being on vacation at the same time.
Post # 10
Like CaraMia said, it depends on how close you are. If we were not super close, I probably wouldn’t care. But if it was one of our good friends, I’d be a little butt hurt.
Oh, in answer to your question, I also think it’s situational.
Post # 11
If they dont want to be there and you shouldnt even want them there.. who needs friends like those.
Post # 12
I’d give a pass to the folks that planned their vacation months ago. But the last minute deciders? Yea, I’d be upset. Plus the fact that it’s been from Facebook chatter (when will people learn that everyone can read what they post) is rather uncouth.
Of course, what can you say? They’ll get defensive, and argue that they want to do XY and Z. Sure one can argue that, but I feel like basic manners should still apply. Send in your RSVP, talk to the person, don’t rub their noses in it on Facebook. And yea, that’s what I think they are doing.
So I would wait for your deadline to come and go, and then talk to them about it. I’d express that you are hurt, but in the end you can’t force them to come or make it important to them. The whole situation sucks-I’m sorry.
Post # 13
When we were trying to figure out how to have our wedding in Rhode Island, my FMIL told my fiance that they were trying to figure out how to stay longer because they didn’t see any point in only going up there for those three days. So I thought that was a pretty bad excuse, that they may not come because they couldn’t make it into a vacation.
Post # 14
I agree with PP, it depends on how close you are to them and is kinda a case by case thing, but in your case I would be upset! I’m sorry you have to deal with this too…
My ex-MOH dropped out of the wedding but PROMISED she would still attend. She kept saying X months or sooo soon, etc then sent back her RSVP (right before the deadline) declining with no explanation. I tried to contact her but she never got back to me. Another friend of mine who I invited planned on driving to the wedding with my ex-MOH and they had discussed these plans like a week prior. When I told my other friend that my ex-MOH wasn’t coming she contacted her. Ex-MOH said she was going out of town on business….I’m sorry but I’m not buying it because if that was really the reason then why couldn’t she tell me?! Also she knew about my wedding before anyone else and works for her dad so could easily have gotten out of any trip. Oh well.
Post # 15
I have to say that I will be missing the wedding of some friends of FH and I because of my birthday/vacation.
I hate that we are missing it but we planned to take this trip for my birthday before they got engaged. When she picked the date it was ON my birthday which is right in the middle of our vacation. So we aren’t going, she/they understood cause we had already bought non refundable plane tickets. So it was lose 800 or not go. Plus she was able to invite someone on her b/c list.
I think I would be most upset about the last minute ditchers. It sucks but you don’t want them there if they don’t want to be. Wouldn’t you rather have those that WANT to be a part of your day there? I know I would rather someone be honest and not come if they don’t want to, than come because they feel they HAVE to.
Post # 16
It depends how close the friends are. My crowd from college has roots so deep that even financial hardship wouldn’t have kept them (didn’t keep them) from making it out here. To them, almost no excuse would have been a “good reason” to miss it. I love them immensely for that. But, I had some local friends I’m not on that level of emotional closeness with who did simply make the decision to make other plans instead of attending. They were all difficult decisions – like, things that they desperately wanted to do that absolutely could not happen at any other time – but I was still disappointed that they hadn’t taken the Save the Date as an actual instruction to, well, save the date. A “good reason” really depends on what kind of a relationship you have.