Post # 1
Ok so this is going to make me sound rather crazy and well,…maybe I am getting there rather quickly. I just feel really down in the dumps. We went and picked out a ring before labor day. He has the card in his wallet and knows what I want. There is one lady at the store that he deals with and she is gone this week. His friend at work had said something to me about my BF mentioning buying my ring this month and he is off on Friday. Well I guess they have been talking to him about whether or not he’s going to go get it this Friday or not. I highly doubt. In fact I doubt that it will ever EVER EVER actually happen. I am so sad that I could just cry. I love him and want to marry him but I refuse to wait forever. He and I both want to have a baby someday and darn it, I am pushing 30 and my eggs are not going to be fresh much longer! I used to work in medical and I will not have advanced maternal age on my chart. NO thank you. I know sounds stupid but… His friend that he works with has been texting me and telling me all the good things my BF is saying. My BF has brought up buying me a ring everyday this week now and said yesterday that he will probably just buy it and give it to me before I leave him.
Why is waiting so agonizing and hard? I hate feeling this way and I don’t let him know I feel like this. I don’t want him to think that I am going to leave him and I don’t want him to feel pressured to buying it right now.
I think it’s that mean and nasty negative voice in my head and I wish I could take it out and flick it across the room or at least duct tape the darn thing’s mouth shut!
Anyone else feel this way?
Post # 3
Have you guys talked about marriage, together? Or do you really think he’s just going to give you a ring and marry you to keep you around? As in, just to appease you?! Cuz that’s not fair to either of you.
At 30 I can’t blame you for wanting to know. Sit him down and say “listen…” and lay it out. You need to know or you don’t. He needs to know you aren’t going to leave him, but that you are concerned about having a baby in the future and you need to know how he feels about the whole thing.
Post # 4
Oh we have talked about it a lot. He told me he is going to marry me and told all his buddies at work that he’s buying me my ring this month. I am just feeling really sad today. I think it’s because I have no control over the situation and it’s driving me batty! I am a very controlling person and I am working on it but this waiting stuff is for the birds!
His friend at work tells me that my BF is going to do it because that is all he is talking about lately.
I hate this waiting stuff.
Post # 5
Do not “wait” then. Just assume that it’s not gonna happen until another 3 months. If there’s no reason for your bf to hurry up, there’s no reason why he needs to rush to get it. Maybe he wants to do something grandiose and the higher expectation he has for himself, the more likely he needs more time to plan (procrastinate). Guys are like that. They like to procrastinate big important things. If proposal were to be trivial to him, you would probably have the ring already.
Another thing is, if there’s an indeed an impending deadline, you guys should discuss it so he knows that you have a deadline for him. Otherwise, just relax. 30 yr old is nothing. Give him at least 2 or 3 months and you may be pleasantly surprised within a week or something.
Post # 6
I hope you are right. I feel bad about being upset about this and I would never let him see me upset about it. He has told me and his friend at work that he wants to make it special for me.
Post # 7
awwww i was there just up until 13 days ago!!! in my FI’s case, he had to pay off the ring in installments and so he was just waiting until the end of the month when he got his paycheck. i feel really really terrible now about being so impatient before, when my FI was trying his hardest to make me the happiest woman on earth.
waiting sucks but after talking to my FI, i realise that if he could, he would have proposed ages ago. he really wanted to, but just couldn’t financially. anyhow, i hope your day comes soon!
Post # 8
I hope things get better for you. Maybe he is planning the proposal right now. But I understand how you feel about the kids though. I’m 28 and I don’t want to be 30 having my first either. I know that sounds silly to some, but I’m not having a kid ON PURPOSE at 34 or older.Now, if God gives me a surprise after then…it’s all good.LOL But I understand where you are coming from.I was feeling the same yesterday. Don’t worry. He’s probably planning something special. Give him a little more time.
Post # 9
Well I was in the same boat until May of this year. We had been together for 3 years and I had just turned 31. I had in my mind that I would move on after I turned 31. But then I just couldn’t because I LOVE HIM! I couldn’t give up on us. We had talks all the time about being together and having a family. So I knew he felt the same. But I couldn’t understand why he was waiting.
Finally after I broke down on our Vacation in Hawaii, he told me that he was waiting because he thought it would be impolite to propose so close to my brother’s wedding day. Of course I said it wouldn’t be. But now that I think about it he was right. The wedding was the next week. As it turns out while killing time waiting on the airplane we found my ring at a store there in Hawaii and bought.
He didn’t give it to me until 3 weeks later. Had to let the brother’s wedding talk die down and surprise me.
Be paitent. I know it is hard, but it sounds like it is going to happen. So be happy about that and be excited.
Post # 10
Trust me you are not alone in your feelings. I was going crazy this summer waiting for my boyfriend to propose to me. It didn’t help that he kept saying “soon soon.” All I can tell you is to try and let it go. You know it’s going to happen. It’s hard not having control of the situation (this was my biggest problem) but you just have to relax. Be happy that you found someone that you love and want to spend the rest of your life with! When my boyfriend finally proposed it was definitely worth the wait! Hang in there!
Post # 11
I hope it happens soon:) I guess my whole thing is that I am not use to letting someone else be in control of what happens. I am always in control and know when everything is going to happen. I guess I may as well admit it…I am a complete spoiled rotten brat. I have always gotten what I want when I wanted it. So this whole waiting thing is agony. It’s going to be worth it in the end but gosh darn it, this sucks right now.
Post # 12
Why does he need to propose? If you are really feeling this way, why not just say “I don’t want to wait for a proposal, I want to sit down and decide.” And then… you’ve decided, together. It doesn’t make you any less engaged, and it doesn’t leave you feeling powerless and out of control of your own future.
Post # 13
Oh I know how crazy we can get over this. The fact that he’s shared the information with coworkers, friends, or even family shows that he’s serious and it’s happening. I felt pretty low, myself, a few days ago because I had noticed SO stopped talking about engagement. In fact, I broke down in tears at a wedding we went to and he looked at me like I was nuts, laughed, and said he stopped talking about it because I had ASKED him to. But my point is, though I asked him to, I convinced myself of the following:
– He doesn’t want to marry me anymore.
– I did something wrong.
– I will never get married.
Obviously those are crazy statements. And at least you know he’s getting a ring. 🙂 SO and I have talked about THE ring, but anytime I poke at a timeframe he says “well I think we are moving at the right pace”, and sometimes he tries to throw me off by saying, “but that’s a LONG time from now”. SO knows by my reaction I am not happy with that, and I know by his reaction he’s bluffing. No man who doesn’t want to get engaged TALKS about getting engaged, marriage, kids, “us”, “we”, and plans for a future.
But it might be time to cook that engagement chicken. 😉
Post # 14
my best advice is to talk to us here, or to a good girlfirend about your impatience. If you’ve talked about it and you’ve been ring shopping it sounds like something is in the works! I think most women get super impatient before the proposal, but you don’t want to ruin it by nagging, askign about details or being nosy. A friend of mine actually begged the proposal out of her husband!
He had a whole proposal set up for later in the day. She got so whiny about not being engaged yet, and he had the ring in his pocket so they were sitting in his bedroom, and he just said “fine, here, will you marry me and stop cyring about it?” She always regrets not being just a little more patient!
Post # 15
*hugs* it will happen … I mean, really … it sounds like you do know that in your heart of hearts he will propose and for all of the right reasons! Hang tough! And vent here when you need to!
Post # 16
I do have a feeling that it will happen someday. I think today is just a sucky day. I am so impatient and this waiting crap sucks big time.