Post # 1
I know I am extremely lucky to have this kind of conundrum, but I still need advice! I have a very large group of people who I call my best friends (seriously it’s like 20 people), and we do pretty much everything together. However, it’s just too crazy to have that many bridesmaids (plus my fiance doesn’t have that many people he feels as close to) so I picked five of my very oldest and closest ladyfriends for the honor. I have no regrets about the girls I picked, but I just don’t want anyone to feel left out or looked over. Should I incorporate them in the ceremony elsewhere, like in readings and such, or just not say anything and hope they understand? Other than my Maid/Matron of Honor, who got married 6 years ago before we were all as tightly bonded as we are now, we’re the first couple of the group to get hitched so there’s no precedent set and I’m of course the worryingest person of all of us D:
Post # 3
perhaps you can have some of them do a reading, say grace, hand out programs, greet your guests, be your doc, etc.
Post # 4
I had the same dilemma and I actually sent out invites for “Honorary Bridesmaids”. I do not have any specific duties for them and am not having them wear a certain dress/colors, but I did place their pics on the website and will include them on the program. I still wanted people to know these girls were special to me.
Post # 5
I think they should understand. If there were only one or two who were left out, then you might need to find some way to include them, but to try and include all 20 is going to be pretty hard! Imagine how long your ceremony would take with 15 people doing readings!! With so many of them not being bridesmaids, they’re not likely to feel excluded. But while they may not be ‘official’ bridesmaids, I think you can still have them involved in bridesmaid-y stuff, like dress shopping, hen’s night, etc. If you’re all as close as you think, then they should understand
Post # 6
Maybe a few of them could split a reading.
Another couple could split a speech or toast.
Post # 7
Another couple do guest book together.
Programs for a couple of them.
Splitting the duties to a group, basically.
Post # 8
@LadyElva: I keep trying to remind myself that I wouldn’t be offended if any of the other girls didn’t have me as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but I can’t help but feel like that’s only because I now know how stressful and expensive getting married is. still, your comment did make me feel better, thanks 🙂
@mathis13: what is an honorary bridesmaid? was everyone ok with that title?
@mypinkshoes: those are all really good suggestions, thanks!!
Post # 9
Personally, I don’t like “b-list” jobs like handing out programs. I would rather be a regular guest. You know your friends though, do you think that would be something they’re interested in? Regardless of what roles they end up with, you should tell them you feel bad about not being able to pick them.
Post # 10
If it’s a group of 20 friends – and they all know that – then they’re really not going to be offended if they don’t have a role. I don’t like “honorary bridesmaids”, it’s a second class role. Similar for guest book attendant. Doing a reading is a nice role but you can’t have 15 readings!
I think the way to include them is to make sure they are all at the bachelorette party, if you are having one. The modern trend seems to be small expensive bachelorette parties (e.g. just the bride and bridesmaids); but I suggest encourage whoever’s organising it to make sure all your close friends are invited.
Post # 11
@paula1248: yeah that sounds like the best way to go… here’s hoping!! i love all these girls dearly and i just don’t want anyone to feel put out. this thread did make me feel better though!
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
@AlwaysSunny: agreed, plus how are yu goig to find such tasks for 15 people?
Post # 13
I think honorary bridesmaids are what you make of it. It isn’t customary in my region so everyone is excited they are still a part of my wedding (albeit indirectly). They will still attend all parties just no monetary expectations.
Post # 14
I have the same problem.. not quite 20 girls, but there are at least 6 who I would like to have as bridesmaids but just don’t have the room!
I really love the idea of the ‘honorary bridesmaids’ – did the groom have ‘honorary groomsmen’ as well? Did they have special duties (other than handing out programs etc.) on the day, or were they involved more in the prep?
Post # 15
I went to one wedding where all the girls who couldn’t be actual bridesmaids but were close to the bride were asked to wear a specific colour (happened to be the same colour as the BP)
Post # 16
There’s a nice tradition in Greece where you give all your female friends a charm to wear. I made simple little wrist ties with a diamante heart and ribbons for each of my friends to wear. The heart had a clasp at the back so some wore them on their wrists, others pinned them to their dress and others onto their bags.
I also invited them all to the house, along with all the guests from my side (around 40 of my nearest and dearest) to have some champagne, canapes with my family and I and then to all walk together to the church. iT was actually one of my favourite moments of the day, and one of my favourite picture which is not of Darling Husband and I, walking with all my close friends and family with me on the way to the church.