What about waiting makes YOU so crazy?

posted 2 months ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
553 posts
Busy bee

Living apart due to religious reasons makes me feel as though we still haven’t started life together as well as lack of control.

Post # 3
Member
22 posts
Newbee

smile4fun192 :  it makes me very anxious about why he hasn’t proposed, if he’s changed his mind, if he was ready to spend the rest of his life with me and more importantly, it was the fact that he’s rebellious by nature and the more I want it, the less likely he would give it to me. It was the lack of control to facilitate things for my own future. 

I often think “who does things like that to people they love?” Then when I get those anxieties, I would hop on to this forum and reading stories of waiting bees who share similar experiences really does help calm me down.

Post # 4
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

smile4fun192 :  Mostly it is people asking ME when it is going to happen… as if I am the one dragging my feet.

Post # 5
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

I think mine is a mixture of PPs– having people asking me when it will happen/why it hasnt, and an anxiety about whether or not he’s changed his mind, etc. 

It’s not that I am not confident in our relationship, I definitely am when I’m not anxious. I have anxiety which makes me second guess everyone else’s view of me–thankfully, he’s been nothing but supportive through it. 

Post # 6
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

For me it’s a combo of a lack of control and not knowing when it’ll happen.

I’m totally confident he’ll do it, but I just wanna tie the knot, move in together and officially start our lives together as a unit (wow that sounds so much cheesier than I wanted it to hahaha). So mangos many emotions like sometimes I’m so happy that we’re together and then other times I’m sad about it (bc apparently xmas time is engagement season) and then other times I’m like hey, why are you even worried about it, it’ll happen, relax!🙈

Post # 7
Member
7 posts
Newbee

When people ask me when it is going to happen…haha really? I’m not the one who’s task it is to propose, so why are you asking me??

Also 3 of my best friends have recently got engaged and they are all saying another classic “You’re next” which really hurts since I know I won’t be.

It all really makes me mad. I have talked to my SO about it all and apparenlty it will happen (which is a plus!!) but he wants to be more financially stable. Hoping for this year (since he has said it will happen before the timeline – 3 years together in 2018)

Post # 8
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

It was personally frustrating for me because I’m always faster to make a decision on EVERYTHING, not just our relationship. I’m not reckless by any means- quite the opposite. I just think fast and move fast. But he was just such a commitment phobe- again not just to me, but to everything in life (like it would take him an hour and a half to pick out a shirt at Macy’s when it takes me 5 minutes). I finally had to sit him down and make him realize that I’ve waited for him on every decision we’ve ever made, and if he knew I was the one he wanted to spend his life with, he’d better make a move. He listened.

For all you bees waiting out there, it really helped us personally to get to the root of why he’s waiting vs why it’s specifically frustrating for you, and then have a discussion. I waited through us starting a business together since that was financially risky and that made perfect sense. But after that, I made him see there was no other good excuse.

Post # 9
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

I hope you don’t mind me popping in. I’m not waiting right now (single af) but I have been waiting before. I was curious, do you feel like the waiting made you grow resentful of your other half? Did it change your view of the relationship? Did you not enjoy it as much or lose respect for your SO? I know I definitely did and I wanted to know if any of you bees felt/feel that. 

Post # 10
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

I know he will propose and he’s just saving up for a ring….but it drives me crazy when he buys stuff like a new phone and then says I have to wait longer for the ring. I never really put pressure on him or anything about it until proposal season when I finally broke down and expressed just how badly I wanted that ring. Hopefully being direct was the right move.

Post # 11
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

daxsymbiote :  THIS is the kind of shit that bugs me. Why did he feel it was necessary to tell you that you would have to wait longer because he was buying himself something? That’s wrong on several levels to me. (I mean, I guess if he really needed a new phone and was just trying to be realistic and straightforward with you, finances are different for everyone)

Post # 12
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

amireyn13 :  No, he cracked his screen and decided to replace the whole phone instead of get it repaired, since it was already a couple of years old. I don’t blame him for replacing the phone but I was just SO looking forward to a holiday/birthday proposal and it really threw a wrench in it.

Post # 13
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

churrosandroses :  yup, that’s me right now. Everything you said, minus losing respect for him. The Waiting game is so emotional. I love him like crazy but then all of these other emotions take over at times too. So glad I found the Beehive tho, now I’m not waiting alone 👭

Post # 14
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

i don’t like feeling like I don’t have a say in my future or how my life pans out – not that that’s true as we have had discussions/compromises – but it is the feeling that gets me. I don’t like the uncertainty as everything else in my life I essentially can put a date on when it will happen. I like to plan ahead and I can’t do that if I have no idea when things are happening! 

Post # 15
Member
247 posts
Helper bee

A few things:

  • I know he’s had the ring for months (I found it accidentally in October, but we’ve since talked openly about it)
  • We’ve already put a deposit down at our venue and paid a deposit to our photographer (so what’s the hold-up!?)
  • He spent most of New Year’s Eve telling his friend’s girlfriends/fiancées about his proposal plans (I watched them ‘awwing’ from across the room and he would smile slyly everytime he saw me looking)

I am a planner, not a big fan of surprises, and am a total introvert, so I really don’t want a public proposal (which he knows), so not knowing is driving me crazy. He’s a romantic and has admitted that he is putting a lot of pressure on himself to do something special, but I would be so happy for it to happen on any old night at home!

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