Post # 1
I have always dreamed of having a bridal shower, it is so important to me and all my bridesmaids and mom know this and they are already coming up with some ideas for it. I am so happy about this, I know so many brides don’t get one and its great to see so many people so excited to plan this for me. Now I haven’t really talked to FMIL about my shower because it’s still way far away and my bridesmaids with some help for my mom are handling it, so I’m not even really sure what they will end up planning, they are still in the idea stage but I know it will be a fairly traditional bridal shower because they know that is what I want.
Well last night FMIL went on a rampage against bridal showers, she hates them, she hates the games, she hates this, she hates that, just a bunch of hate towards them. I’m thinking well she’s gonna have to suck it up or just not come, no skin off my back. But then she says, well good thing you two are having a couples shower instead of a stupid bridal shower. FI gives me a “I have no idea what she’s talking about” look. Normally I would be the first to say have two showers, one for his side and one for my side, no big deal everyone is happy. The problem is all my BMs are planning and putting their money towards my bridal shower so FMIL wouldn’t really have any help planning or paying for the couples shower and she will need help paying for a shower. I know she can ‘t afford to put any money towards the wedding, so she won’t be able to pay for a shower, unless she suddenly came into some money.
So I talked to FI deciding that if he wanted a couples shower we would just do that instead of a bridal shower but he told me he would go to one if it was planned but he isn’t really intrested in it and he knows how much I want a bridal shower. So I’m haveing a bridal shower.
But FMIL seemed really excited about this couple’s shower. How do I tell her that my bridesmaids and mom can’t help her with it because they are already planning my bridal shower, so if she wants to throw a couple’s shower then she would have to do it on her own or find someone else to help her. I don’t want to sound like a bitch but I feel like the shower should be what I want and not what she wants. Part of me feels bad but the other part is pissed that she didn’t even ask me what kind of shower I wanted.
Is there a nice way to say this? Do you guys have any ideas how to help this situation? I have some time until this all needs to be taken care of but I’m afraid she will come up with all these ideas for a couples shower (she was already looking up stuff last night) and then she’ll be even more upset if one can’t be done so I’d like to come up with a solution soon.
Post # 3
Just tell her you want a bridal shower and that FI isn’t interested in a couple’s shower, anyway. Let her know that your BMs and mom are starting to organize it and would love her help with that. There’s truly nothing for her to get offended or upset about. Don’t be scared. Two showers is a terrible idea.
Post # 4
I would just tell her! The sooner the better. (And also, I’ve been to a BUNCH of couple’s showers… And they were super awkward! The men CLEARLY didn’t want to be there!)
Post # 5
@MsW-to-MrsM: +1. In this situation it sounds like honesty is the best policy. You dont have to be nasty or cruel to convey your true feelings! Just let her know what you the plans were already and that this is the place of comfort for both you and your fiance. She doesnt have to like it but hopefully she will respect your truth! Best of luck!
Post # 6
@MsW-to-MrsM: Don’t be scared. Good advice… I should work on that 🙁 She shouldnt’ get offended but she will and I really need to learn to grow a back bone when it comes to her 🙁
Post # 7
Definitely grow that backbone! The sooner the better and you need to tell her. Where on Earth did she get the idea you guys were having a couples shower? Do you think it was just born of her hatred of bridal showers? I mean, geez, I seriously hate the games, but I love the rest of it.
Post # 8
@hermom: Um I have no idea where she got the idea of couple’s shower from. She kept talking about how people usually get cooking supplies at bridal showers and FI is the main cook in our relationship so he should get the gifts too. Weird if you ask me and this makes me even wonder if she knows her son because this is not something he would be excited about. Like I said he would go if there was one but it really isn’t his thing. I just don’t know how to handle her anymore, we had a great relationship until FI and I got engaged and now it’s like she doesn’t care about my feelings at all.
Post # 9
I would think that whoever is throwing you the bridal shower could straighten her out? You would think they might want to involve her so they could mention innocently something about what her son should do that day so he’s out of way for your shower? Or less innocently your Mother could say how much she hates couples showers and is so glad that they are giving you a traditional bridal shower haha.
Post # 10
@alyssaC: “How do I tell her that my bridesmaids and mom can’t help her with it because they are already planning my bridal shower,”
You don’t – your FI does.
I think this is definitely one of those cases where FI handles it. Not only is it his mother, but he’s the “beneficiary” of a couples’ shower so he’s the one who should decline it.
Post # 11
@paula1248: Yeah, him and I were able to talk more about it after I posted this and he said that next time she brings it up he would tell her that he didn’t want a couple’s shower and that if she tried to get mad at me about it not happening he’d tell her to back off and be nice to me. I guess he’s been trying to get her to back off of me for a while now and she just isn’t listening but now that it is really starting to bother me he is going to be a lot more direct with her. I’m so glad he is on my side but I wish he didn’t have to choose sides 🙁