- 6 years ago
I am eloping and one of the reasons is because I did not want to go through any of the drama, control, manipulation and just plain stress of planning, and having a wedding. For the most part the process has been stress-free (not telling anyone our date really helps). But I feel like my mom and oldest sister are conspiring against me and I have no clue why.
I didn’t want a bridal shower. That is, the typical, let’s all sit around in a big circle and watch the bride open presents for two hours kind. Nay, I didn’t want ANY bridal shower. But my sister wanted to do something for me anyway, so she decided to throw me a very small engagement party. Just a couple days after she volunteered, I found out that she told my mom she didn’t want to do it anymore, and tried passing the responsibility onto my other sister (who is just not the ‘ooo, let’s throw a wedding shower!’ type) because I was “giving her so many rules.” She proceeded to list the rules I had given her. They were:
1) I did not want the party to be all about me. Even though it was in my honor, I wanted it to be more of a get-together rather than everything just focused on me.
2) I did not want to open presents at the shower.
3) I thought it’d be nicer to have the shower be kid-free (since it was more like a brunch). -This was a suggestion. Not a demand.
I was never demanding or controlling about this shower. At all. I am very laid back about this kind of stuff, but there were reasons I didn’t want a typical bridal shower and I just wanted to make sure that we weren’t doing things that I REALLY didn’t want to do. The “rules” above are the ONLY ones I gave her.
So anyway, I found out she told my mom she didn’t want to do it because I was giving her all these rules. It’s just weird to hear, “She’s giving me all these rules, like how she doesn’t want the shower to be all about her, and she doesn’t want to open presents. I wish I had never volunteered.” Hm. Just sounds ironic. Like, ok. I am being very anti-bridezilla here and I’m still getting flack?
Mom responds and tells my sister to just do what she wants to do. Not to listen to me. Mom said, “I think I am not going to listen to her opinions anymore, you shouldn’t either. She thinks she wants a reception, but when I suggested [reception place] she said no. So I think I’m just going to do it all myself and just tell them when, and where to show up. I know it’s HER big day, but sometimes you have to make compromises.”
Again. All I had EVER said to her concerning receptions was that I didn’t want it to be held at XXX. How is that so wrong that I am now not deserving of being heard?? Or of giving opinions?
So what the heck am I doing wrong? I like to think that I am trying very hard not to be self-centered in all of this and yet that is grounds to still throw a little hissy fit over? Dang. I refuse to be controlled however. If my mom thinks she can just plan my reception and “just tell me when to show up,” she is sorely mistaken.