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I am waiting because I am very career driven and want to be "set" in my career before a baby comes along - this also applies for my FI too.
This is my situation EXACTLY. Haha. Except we already have a house (baby fever increased 200% after we bought the house last summer... haha), and I don't think we'll compromise... I think we'll probably just wait the 2-3 years that DH wants. He says he'd be thrilled and excited if we accidentally got pregnant, but ideally it would be better to wait a few years. I see his point logically, but I just want one NOW! Haha.
Here's what I've come up with:
1. We can start saving a college fund for future babies now, and it won't be so hard later.
2. I can buy stuff for me. Like new furniture, and fancy clothes, and stuff that won't be worth it or in the budget when we have kids to spend money on. I'm trying to redecorate a couple rooms before we start TTC.
3. We're going to take at least one awesome vacation, probably two, just the two of us, before we have kids. This is something that will be much more difficult to do with children!
4. (this is the biggest one) I don't ever, EVER want my husband to feel like I pushed him into having kids sooner. When we do have babies, I want him to REALLY WANT them and be just as excited (if not more excited) than I am. I just can't stand the though of him resenting me for it when he has to wake up at 2am with a baby.
@CanadianMermaid: That is a big reason for DH, too, but I'm already set in my career. I have my master's and dream job in my field, working as a school social worker in the best district in our area. So I feel set in that area, but DH needs to 'work his way up' for a few years...
Done with school- I want to be done with my masters and have a couple years to be in a secure job. As well as house and just enjoying being with just FI.
But, I am baby crazy. If I just through my rational side to the wind I would want to be pregnant now (well, after we are married). It won't help whenever we purchase a house. The plan is to be pregnant by 30.
If you have the luxury of deciding when you have children (unlike my oopsie baby), I can definitely tell you that babies are much more enjoyable without financial stress! We did it and got by, but I really wish we'd had less debt and more of a financial plan in place, as well as the money to get what we really wanted for the baby instead of relying on family and hand-me-downs. Not that there is anything wrong with hand me downs, but she got a lot of stuff that just didn't really match, or was for a boy. Don't get me wrong, it was completely fine but there were times when it was super difficult! Planning is a good thing.
we are waiting 6 years. Reasons are because (1) we have a buttload of student loans. We will only have a few grand left in 6 more years. (2) I'm pretty young (23) and feel like I shouldn't be rushing it. (3) I would love to do a lot of projects with the house. I guess this goes back to the money thing. (4) I'm just not ready. I don't have that baby fever feeling yet
We are waiting for several reasons:
1. We are young. Plenty of time to worry about young ones later.
2. I am going back for my PhD and don't want to balance kids and a dissertation.
3. We aren't ready financially. My husband is starting his career and I've got more schooling.
4. Freedom. I adore that we are free to leave for long weekends, stay in bed late in the mornings, travel anywhere and everywhere with no baby worries.
5. Time to concentrate on our relationship. We've been together almost 6 years but married for just over one. We want time to solidify our tactics as our lives change, we make more money, we consider parenting techniques later, etc.
6. Did I mention we aren't ready?! Haha
Good reasons to wait IMPO are:
Greater financial stability. Children are very expensive; I don't think anyone should have children if they aren't financially secure, and cannot provide for them properly. For me, this would be things like owning your own home, being able to save towards their education in later life, etc.
To enjoy being married, and your time together, while it's just the two of you. When a baby comes along, you will have much less time together as a couple. Nights out together will have to be planned, and will probably be few and far between. Once you've had a child, you will be living with them for 18 years at least, so enjoy what little time you have just the two of you while you can.
Because one or both of you aren't ready. Having children now if your husband is not ready would be a bad idea; he may end up feeling resentful, it could add extra strain (above and beyond the strain that children so often bring anyway). He needs to be ready.
Having children is not something that should ever be rushed IMPO; it is a huge, life-changing decision, so unless you are in your 30s, or you have a medical condition which affects your fertility, there does not need to be any rush.
Our reasons for waiting were primarily to enjoy some time as husband and wife before baby, do some traveling and attempt to buy a home beforehand. I don't think we'll ever be 'ready' financially so that wasn't really a factor.
I am waiting for several reasons
1. I want to be financially stable
2. I want to lose some weight so pregnancy does not have any health effects
3. I would like to have a condo or apt so my baby has a stable environment
4. I would like to be finished with school or almost finished.
5. I want to enjoy some time with DH.
6. I would like to have some money in savings so I can buy everything I need for the baby and not have to stress out.
Trust me, I am soooo baby crazy lately! I literally drag DH to Buybuybaby and Babies R' Us to look! LOL. My Etsy favorites are filled with baby items. I can't wait to have a baby but I am trying to remember the things I have listed above. DH wants to try in about 2 years so I am patiently waiting and stalking the baby boards in the mean time.
**It doesn't help that MIL is practically BEGGING us to have one!**
Other than not feeling 100% ready myself, we've got two dogs, 1.5 years and 2 years. Those dogs are so time consuming and demanding, that there is no way a baby would fit in our lifestyle right now. I want the boys to both be a bit more 'mature' and 'behaved' prior to having a baby. We can't even open the front door without one of them attempting to dart out right now..
We've already got a house and both have decent jobs, including doing work on the side as well. We'd be fine if we had an 'oops', but I would probably go insane from stress.
All good reasons... thanks for sharing ladies :)
@barbie86: I'm 29... but no (known) health problems
We were going to wait 3-4 years after marriage, but I came down with a BAD case of baby fever and it didn't go away. We now plan on trying before our 2 year anniversary after we take one more big trip as a couple. My reasons for waiting were to enjoy time as a couple, have fun going out with friends, not having to worry about finding childcare, and sleeping in. I do feel like we've waited long enough though, and now that I want a baby all that doesnt seem to matter as much to me.
We've been married 1.5 years and we're waiting another 2 years to TTC. Husband is in grad school and can't work because of it. Thusly we have no money (I'm unemployed since we moved a few months ago) and ok insurance. I have no maternity coverage so have no way to pay for pregnancy & delivery. That's probably our #1 reason. Also DH wants to be done with school.
I wanted to start like 6 months ago also, but hubby is not quite ready and I do want to do another year of travel. We'll be married about 15 months before TTC. I would have been ok to wait longer if we had met and married sooner in my life and I were not 32 already.
All together we already have 4 kids but non together. I have a son of my own he is 3 (met my DH when he was just a few months old) he has 2 adopted children ages 15 and 12. We have a soon to be adopted son age 6. All of our adopted children have a special need now that my birth son is 3 he is also being tested for sensory disorders so he to is a challenge to raise. I wanted to start trying as soon as we got married but now we have decided to wait until we figure out what is going on with my son and possibly even wait till our oldest turns 18.
The one reason we're waiting? Finances.
We already have a house. We are both out of college and working decent jobs. We're old enough (I'm 27 and he's almost 30). We've only been married for 3 months, but have been together for 3 1/2 years and don't really feel the need to have more married time before babies.
Our problem is my job only offers unpaid 'maternity leave', and my pay is very much needed d/t my student loans and other debt. I'd have to sign up for short term disability to get paid a percentage of my salary while I was out with the baby, but I can't be pregnant before signing up for it, because then it counts as a "pre-existing condition". Totally lame.
November is the 'open enrollment' time, which means I just missed it and will have to wait until November 2012 to sign up and THEN I can get pregnant after the disability kicks in.
@BRbee: How do you sign up for part term disability with out an actual disability? They will just let you do that? I don't know much about the maternity leave policies at my job, but I do know it is unpaid after you use up your sick days
Financial is a very good reason. My FI and I maybe want to have kids, but right now we are nowhere near to being financially ready. My FI has trouble sometimes paying his regular bills because he gets sent home early alot from work(its slow),so no way could we, or should we bring a child into that. The expenses of children!
But also we talk a lot about it. Trying to stay on the same page. Neither of us wants to force the other to have kids. In the end having I or my FI resent the other person.
Reasons we're waiting
1) DH is FAR from ready
2) we are young (25 & 28)
3) We would like to own a house first
4) We would like to pay off more of our debt
5) We would like to spend more time as just us and make sure our marriage is 100% solid for several years before bringing in the biggest stressor ever...
6) We would like to travel more (as a couple and with friends)
7) We would like to be more set in our careers
8) We enjoy spending time with our friends, going out when we want to, traveling when we want to and only worrying about ourselves (our pets are enough of a worry for us right now)
While kids are amazing, they are an incredible investment in time, energy, money, and they forever alter your relationships with friends and your husband. If you can, wait and travel, save money, and have some fun!
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Soooo I have baby fever BAD.... I stalk the baby boards like it's my job, and that doesn't help. DH and I are not exactly on the same timeline, and it's frustrating. He wants to wait 2-3 years and I want to start now (i.e. 6 mos ago). We'll end up compromising, but I'll still be starting later than I'd like. So, Bees who are waiting a bit after marriage to TTC... what are your reasons? I'd like to hear some GOOD things about waiting... the positives so it won't make it so hard for me :(
I was thinking... more financially secure, we'll have a house, more time as a couple/ strengthen our relationship, DH's job will be less demanding so he'll be available more, HE will feel more ready instead of rushed into it....
What are the positives of waiting/ your reasons?