Post # 1
I have an etiquette question about a tricky situation.
My boyfriend/very-soon-to-be-fiancé has a cousin who lives far away. That cousin is getting married to his pregnant girlfriend. They have only known each other for a few months, so none of this was planned. We have never met the wife to be. It’s a weird situation, they both have a lot of issues (financial, mental health, drug abuse), which is quite worrisome for the rest of the family.
I am invited to the wedding as BF’s +1. I think he would enjoy my presence, but at the same time we are trying to save money for our own wedding, and I barely know his cousin. The plane tickets to get there are 500$. Since they are organizing a last minute very low budget wedding, I feel like that’s a lot of money to spend on people that I don’t really know. However, I really am part of BF’s family because we have been together for over 5 years.
Going there would also take up a big chunk of my vacation time for the year.
Do you bees think that since it is part of my obligations to go to that wedding? Or is it ok for me to stay behind?
Thanks a lot for your advice!
Post # 2
Personally, I think the only wedding you are obligated to go to is your own. If you can’t afford it and aren’t dying to go, send your regrets. There’s no reason to strain yourselves financially or take off vacation time for someone else’s wedding unless you really want to.
Post # 3
I don’t think you are ever obligated to attend a wedding, especially if there are financial concerns. Given that you’re not very close, I don’t think it would inappropriate of you to not attend. If they question why you’re not there, just state the truth – financial reasons, work reasons. <br /><br />FWIW, I don’t think I would go if I didn’t feel I could afford it and didn’t really know them. I also don’t get very much vacation time (read: none at all).
Post # 4
Agree with PP. You are never obligated to go to someones wedding, it is an invitation not a summons. If you don’t want to go- don’t go 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: Davis Island Garden Club
Agree with the PPs. You are not obligated to go. I wouldn’t go to a wedding I coukdnt afford to attend Either. Just send regrets and if they ask why you can either tell the truth or use an excuse.
Post # 6
I dont think you’re obligated to go, but if my SO were going, I would probably go. I personally wouldnt want my FI having to explain to everyone why his fiancee didnt attend the wedding that he was attending.
Post # 7
It depends on the situation. If it was your so/fi’s friend then I would send my regrets and not go but since it’s your so’s/fi’s family then I would go if he was going because him attending a family wedding by himself wouldn’t look good for you. It would make your future Inlaws think that you don’t care about their family
Post # 8
Thanks for all your answers!
Given the tension in the family, I will see if it’s better for me to support them, or to stay out of that weird situation.
I don’t want to leave my SO alone at the wedding, but I don’t wanna be caught up in the family drama either!