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I want to hear from the other thirty-something brides on the Bee...I know you're out there!
For me, here are the best parts about getting married in my 30's:
1. Better finances. Being older, we're in a much better position to pay for the wedding ourselves. So while our parents have some input, we're not dependent on them to pay for the wedding and so we can craft a wedding that is more about us, rather than what the "family" wants.
2. Smaller bridal parties. I always knew I wanted a small bridal party (I even considered no bridesmaids!) but it seems like there is so much more pressure in your 20's to have 5 or 10 of your closest friends (and you were in their wedding!) be your bridesmaids.
3. Getting married where you live/have settled down with your fiancee. If I'd gotten married 10 years ago, I likely would have done it in my hometown, even though I was already living out of state. The idea of planning a wedding there now, from Boston? UGH! So glad I now consider Boston my adopted hometown.
4. Getting to skip things like the bouquet toss and garter. Considering we have no single friends left at this point, we're opting to skip this one! Though I will wear a garter - my Groom just won't go up under my dress in front of 120 of our nearest and dearest.
5. Knowing yourself, and what you can and can't accomplish. For example, 10 years ago I might have decided "yes, I can DIY EVERYTHING!" and gone ahead, full steam and wallet open. Now, I know that I am NOT a crafter! DIY is not my thing, and luckily I've known that for some time and haven't wasted any money trying to do things I know I can't.
Other brides, what are the best things about planning in your 30's?
Wish I could say #3 was true for me. Most of my family is still in my hometown and wouldn't be able to come because of their finances. It does give my fiance's family a chance to see my home state though (wedding still an hour away, much closer to the airport)
I'm still learning myself in some ways, so I'm not 100% confident, but MUCH better than I used to be.
I love your list! I think you hit on a lot of important differences between when I was in my early 20s and my early 30s. (Of course, these differences are personal; I'm sure there are lots of younger brides who can claim 1-5 as well!)
I would also add that I have more confidence in my choices and decisions. I no longer feel the need to ask everyone's opinions on every single thing that comes up -- so I don't worry as much about all of those little things. I can weigh my options, make a decision, and move on.
I really appreciate this thread. While I will be 29 when I get married I am the oldest within my family/friends to not be married (at least once). Isn't that crazy!?!
I will say with 100% honesty that at any point before now I was not ready for marriage and that I am glad my FI and waited. We got our lives in order and have started down a successful path.
@karengoblue: I have to admit that while I'm glad to be getting married in my 30s, I'd rather be planning a wedding in my 20s... mostly because almost all my friends are now coupled/married and it automatically doubles the guest list, hah.
I got married at 29, DH was 31 at the time. We did the bouquet and garter tosses. Just sayin'.
Kick-ass honeymoon destinations. ;)
I just turned 30 (and FI just turned 28) and I agree with a lot of things on your list!
ETA: Especially #2 and #4. :)
Although compare to traditional in my culture, I'm got married late (around 30), but I don't regret it. The best part are:
1. I've been around enough to know what I want and don't want in a guy. No wonder about if there is someone else better. If I married any of the guy I dated, we would have ended in divorce.
2. Financially stable to have the wedding exactly how I want it. If I was to married earlier, I'd have to compromise my vision due to $ or rely on parents for assistant.
3. Won't have the honeymoon I had or maybe not even a honeymoon at all due to $.
4. Won't get a nice ring as I have now because the guys I dated couldn't afford it or didn't want to spend that much.
It's interesting how 30 year olds are saying they got married late. Granted we got married 5 days before my 31st birthday and I am the older woman, DH is 27 but being from NY things are a little different. Of our friends in attendance there were only 3 married couples. A few are now engaged, but in no way did I feel as if I married late in life. (I confess, I did want to be married while I was still 30.) We did a bouquet toss and the girls went crazy for it, DH was not interested in a garter toss.
The great reasons for getting married at 30!
Knowing what you want! Being able to saying no, no, no until you find the one you say yes too, and stopping there. (Venue, vendors, dress etc)
Not feeling like you have to do EVERYTHING! We had no video, no photobooth, no favors, no candy buffet and no one missed them!
Being able to make our own decisions! Even tho we had large contributions from our parents, they treated us like adults and allowed us to plan our own wedding. They offered input only when we asked for it.
Kickass honeymoon! We went to Italy for 2 weeks, enough said!
I love this thread! I got married the DAY before I turned 30! So I hope I can still participate!
I am glad I waited...I know myself so much better now than I did in my early 20's. I was trying so hard to figure out who I was and what I wanted to be then...I have no qualms with saying that I was not mature enough for marriage when I was in my early to mid 20's (was engaged before and broke it off for this reason). I feel like I had time to live the single life, to get all my wildness out of me, to figure out my path and start down it before I found a partner who was in the same place. I figured out a lot about myself...my values, my goals, my beliefs. In my early 20's, much of those things were still being formed, or were greatly influenced by those around me. I'm not saying it is this way with everyone, I am only speaking for myself.
I also love that feeling of being in control financially of a situation: We paid for much of our wedding, so I didn't feel like I had to beg or borrow or bend to someone else's wishes when it came to things we were paying for ourselves.
I am glad I had a small bridal party (less drama!), no bachelorette shenanigans (or bachelor party for that matter!), and a very intimate wedding. I had grown past the point of wanting to invite every person I had every known in high school or college, and only had my nearest and dearest there with me (which saved a lot of stress and money too!).
Basically, I had to see myself as a fully-formed adult before I could make a very adult decision (stable job, paying for my own way, able to live independently of others, which also entailed moving 2,500 miles away from my family!, able to keep myself from making rash decisions or decisions based soley on emotion). Sure, I thought I was "all grown up" right out of college, but looking back...I still had a lot of maturing to do. And I know I will continue to in the years to come. But I feel like I am finally able to be seen by my parents and family as an adult, and that is one of the greatest feelings.
oh I agree with this whole list so much! Totally echo everything you said. If we'd gotten married younger, we wouldn't have been able to pay for it ourselves, and while my family situation would still be the same (I'm lucky, they are very hands-off and only want us to do what is right for us), we would have been beholden to my fiance's pushy, controlling family and it would have made me miserable. At 33 and 35 we have the means to pay for it and the backbone to put our feet down when they start trying to get us to do things the way they would prefer.
Thank you ladies for such a wonderful response. I always thought the Bee was a great community of women and you've all confirmed it. I agree with so many of you - and for the record, I love that the almost 30 somethings are also chiming in. I also forgot to put CONFIDENCE on my original list - I am much more confident about my decisions now than I ever was in my 20's!!
How about not being obligated to invite everyone from your college circle of friends? If I had gotten marred at 22, I would have invited well over 250 people. Many of my college friends have faded into "Christmas card friends" and aren't going to be invited to our wedding. I'm excited about having a more intimate affair of 80-90 people.
@msgraphics: I read somewhere that northerners (and especially NYCers) get married later than people in other parts of the country. That's probably why I (grew up in the NYC area, went to college & grad school in Boston before coming to Virginia) was stunned when friends got engaged at 22 while there are girls all over wedding message boards who are engaged at 18-20.
I agree with everything you said!! We didn't do bouquet/garter toss either. The only thing I would add is that I think because I'm older and was more focused on marrying my fiance, I didn't sweat the small stuff. I really just didn't care about things I think girls in their 20's do. For example, we asked the groomsmen just to wear a black suit they had in their closet and we didn't want the BMs to spend money on dyed shoes so we said to just wear a black pair of shoes they already had. They guys still looked sharp and the girls looked beautiful. I didn't care about the BMs wearing the same jewelry or having their hair the same...those things just didn't matter in this time of my life and my wedding was just as beautiful!!
I'm in my 30's and i agree with most of the things listed here. I now have a very defined life, social group and family and making decisions for the celebration of our marriage came easy.
Not to mention my uber handsome, 35 year old husband can really fill out a suit!
The best thing about getting married in my thirties is that I have stopped obsessing about other peoples opinion of me or my decisions. I have much more confidence and a rather smart mouth now lol. I have been known to say to people "This is MY wedding and I will do it my OWN damn way". That is something I could have never done in my twenties. I was such a people pleaser. I love being in my thirties. I no longer get sucked into other peoples drama. It isn't that people no longer try to suck me in but my new smart mouth comes to my rescue now :p
My favorite thing so far is being able to avoid the drama that comes with being in your 20s. I know what I want and it's much more of a simplistic idea than I would have had in my 20s. I'm much more realistic about budgeting and mature enough to discuss likes and dislikes with my FH. I'm enjoying the whole experience. I can say that at 35 I was wondering if I'd ever get to have this experience...but it is sooooooo worth waiting to find the RIGHT one instead of just the first one that comes your way. I wouldn't change a thing!
Well I got married at 37 and still did garter toss and bouquet so yeah still done, got married in my hometown...
As for best things, we paid for most of our wedding. We knew what we wanted and how many in the bridal party.
To me there was not much difference to if I got married younger. I still did things the way I wanted from back then.
I love ALL of these lists! I can absolutely relate to everything on them. The best part about being older is that it's pretty ridiculous for people to tell you how to do things and somehow, they don't! That, and we can afford everything ourselves!
I agree with SO many of these..and yep as for the last comment, we're in the same boat! We are paying for the wedding ourselves (all 30k of it) and we wouldn't have it any other way (unless we won lotto of course haha). So no meddling parents will be able to have their say either! We are doing things how WE want to, not how others think it should be. I am 32 and even though my darling is only 29 we are financially stable and secure. We have a mortgage just like so many others, are proud parents to a 5yr old boy and we can pretty much do and buy as we please. We both work hard and therefore like to live a comfortable lifestyle that suits our needs.
We've both been there and done that as far as being young and reckless and even thought it was good times we certainly now enjoy this stage in our lives where we are settled and enjoy life together...and as a family. Our wedding in April will just put the cherry on the cake for us all. Awesome post ladies, a great read!
Oh I love y'all! I agree with everyone one of you! How nice it is to not feel "old" like everyone keeps saying!
I really feel like I made a better decision getting married later in life. I will be 33 when I get married next year and if I had gotten married earlier three things would have been drastically different.
1. I wouldn't have been financially stable like I am now. I can now have my wedding MY way, because we're paying for it!
2. I wouldn't have been able to develop as a person. I traveled the world and had a "life" before married life. I have no regrets and felt like I have not missed out on anything!
3. Those extra 10 years gave me the courage and self confidence to find the hubby that was right for me for all the right reasons! He is so worth the wait!
Getting married at this stage in life is one of the best decisions I've ever made! It will be just another amazing adventure!
1. Finances - DH and I paid for most of our wedding (my parents contributed $5k and his did the Rehearsal Dinner and some other small items) and because we paid for it we got to make all the decisions.
2. Toss' - We also didn't do the garter or bouquet toss. Instead I wore a garter that no one saw except DH and we dedicated a bouquet to the woman that introduced us.
3. Venue - We had a destination wedding in FL. Because our friends are the same age as us they were able to afford to attend the wedding and celebrate with us.
4. Bachelor(ette) - We had low key bachelor(ette) parties. I went to a wine bar for dinner and drinks. DH went on a fishing trip on the Gulf. We each had a great time and didn't wake up regretting anything or with hangovers.
Love this thread and agree with a lot of the sentiment above! For me my main reason for not getting married in my 20's was simply that I was LIVING LIFE and whooping it up! I live in NYC and man, I can say with 100% certainty that I HAD an amazing time and wouldn't change any of it! I was not mentally ready to settle down & didn't want to. I also think I was looking for the wrong things in a potential mate, a lot of superficial things, for example. Now I'm with an amazing man, we're financially stable & are going to plan our wedding exactly how we like it. I'm glad I waited, I love the serenity, maturity and self assured feeling my 30's have brought me AND got to throw this in there, MOST of my friends that were married in their early 20's are either divorced or onto marriage #2! And for the record, no garter toss or bouquet toss either- I never found those aspects of a wedding to be any fun myself.
Being more of my own person
Knowing what I want in a partner
Not feeling I gave up anything
Not married yet, but being in my 30's I can now say that anyone who got married in their early to mid 20's were crazy. I had no idea who I was. And even though I've been with my guy for nearly 10 years it's nice that we've made the decision to get married now that we already feel married. No cold feet here!
Finances still suck though. Lucky you guys who've managed to get it together by now 
I'm so glad I waited!!! I'm 34, and it's the right time and the right person.I am one of the first of my close friends to get married too.
I agree with all the reasons of the OP, except that since I went back to university last year, my finances are not in better shape than in my late 20's. argh. oh well.
ohhh yes, not obsessing about other ppls opinions, good one! IMHO everyone should wait til they're at least 30 before getting married. My first marriage was at 23. I didn't even know who I was or what I wanted from life yet. Because of that, the marriage lasted a year. Now 10 years larter, I am ME, I know what I want, who I want, where I'm going and I have the money to pay for it!
Before I got engaged my best friend's mother told us that she thought it was really great that we were waiting "such a long time" to get married because we actually know what we want now (I'm 30 and bf is 29). I was shocked by this and more than a bit bummed out by it because it made me feel old, but the truth is she was right (well, maybe not about it being SUCH a long wait, but about the fact that we make more mature decisions now).
When I think about the guys I dated in my early 20's- one went to jail and last I heard the other lives in a squat house. Even in my mid 20's my relationship might have been with a financially stable guy, but he tended to treat me like sh*t. I've been with my fiancee for 3 1/2 years now and he is exactly what I want and need. We both have careers we've worked hard for, we've made a beautiful home together and he is the caring best friend that I now realize that I deserve. It wasn't just about finding the "right guy", but about getting to a place in my life where I was open to meeting someone like him. If I hadn't grown up and gained confidence that I could have someone great I would have just passed him by never knowing what I'd missed.
Great post! Great reminders to us all that it's about what is right for YOU. I have friends who got married in their mid to late twenties and are perfectly happy. Granted, I don't hang out with alot of the typical "spring break" mentality 20-somethings. I'll be 30 this year and will get married next Spring. To be honest I did have a moment where I thought "I really want to get married before I'm 30". But due to financial issues and timing of some other things, that really isn't going to be possible. So I really thought about it and said "What difference does it make if we're both 29 or we're both 30?" What matters is that we are together. And you know what? At 22, I highly doubt I could have come to such a mature conclusion. So yeah, getting married in your 30's ROCKS!
So, I guess I'm a glass half empty/full on this.
I will be almost 35 when I get married this May for the first time. Yes, it's wonderful I know myself better than in my 20s. However, I wish our finances were in a better state - my FH was laid off last summer & only recently found another job, at less pay. Meanwhile, he's going back to school so that he can finish his degree and hopefully we'll have a better future. (Because honestly, I'm sick & tired of taking the brunt of paying the bills, while trying to get my money situation straightened out.)
But, what sucks about getting married at 35? When it comes to having kids, (yes, I'm really traditional in that sense) it starts becoming a crap shoot. I love what one of my older friends told me about that. She said, "I spent the better half of my late teens & twenties NOT trying to get pregnant. Now I'm in my mid-30's, I have the money & stability in my life & I WANT to get pregnant but I can't." (She now has 2 beautiful little girls.)
We are old enough to have had a long enough relationship to really be sure we were headed in the right direction. I don't fault anyone for getting married at 3 years, and we knew it was for forever at 1 year, but 11 years later....there is absolutely no chance of that changing for us.
We can afford any kind of wedding we want. If we wanted a big lavish affair, we could. Even better, we want to elope and do it our way with no drama from our families.
Financiall secure. We do not feel the need to 'put up' with family crap because they are paying for it. There is no wanting of things we can't afford, etc.
We actually know exactly what kind of wedding we want. And we are doing it our way, so there is no effort to impress our friends and family.
Plus, there is nothing ELSE like school, student loans, living with roomates or family to influence our lives. This was a big one for us. I do not understand the need for girls to marry so young, and it always seems so ridiculous.
Ditto to everything OP said. Although I am unemployed right now, we still have the finances to make it OUR day, vs. relying on parents. Also, we control the guest list- mostly our friends, vs. his mom's cousins whom he's never met.
I'm having two Matrons of Honor, which has been SO easy- their dresses were a snap, the day of will be less stress, etc. I'm also getting married in my adopted hometown, vs. where I grew up (although we did consider it briefly) I'm wearing Mom's garter, but no one will see it during the reception.
And I've been to enough weddings that I know what's really important (the groom and my Dad showing up), and what's not (chair covers.) We'll be able to get everything done in 6 months because I'm not stressing over the small stuff.
Hi girls,
It is so strange how people have so common feelings and views of life, eventhough they live in different countries.
I live in Bulgaria, EU and came across the website in search of oyster dress:)
I am also getting married at 30.
And I am really glad that I have allowed myself enough independent life and most important have lived long enough with my FI to know that I can spend my life with him.
And even glader that I can say NO to my mum
and she to respect my wishes and taste for the things.
We are also doing a normal wedding of some 90-95 guests, 90% of them friends of ours and not some distant relatives or people you should invite just because you work with them, or what people may say..True, though, that if I was to be married 3-4 years ago, the list would have been even shorter, as a lot of friends are already married now.
We are definately more stable financially at the moment and even that parеnts still contribute, this is more like a wedding present and they have not commented on anything about the wedding issues so far.
We ended up with two apartments(living since 2yrs in the one), as I and he have bought one just before we've met, so we don't need to worry where and how we are to settle down...
I will be 29 when I get married, but I will play too :)
The ability to pay for all wedding costs ourselves is a BIG thing.
Being more self assured so I am not posting numerous polls about my dress down to the napkins. I know what is best for me and don't need my hand held.
Being 100% ready to be married. I have been engaged numerous times and never made it down the aisle because I just wasn't ready. With age came the understanding it is not only about the right man but about me. I had to be fufilled and happy within myself before I could commit and that is some hard won knowledge.
I'll be 31 when I marry this year, definite benefits are a smaller bridal party, I just have my MOH and a FlowerGirl, although my H2B has 3 Best Men and an Usher.... can be more independent with what we want, as in less parental input (that's the case for us anyway), also the ability to handle my booze a little better than I did when I was 21 LOL
Negatives - people expect us to start trying for kids straight away... when we want to be married for a few years first at least
I'll be 33 when I am married. I think the best thing about getting married at this age is that I am ready to settle down, Ihave a good job, a nice home and I am ready to start thinking about having children.
I have done all my partying (well most of it!) and I love spending time with my man, I love my friends dearly but they are not the focus of my time any more.
I will be 29 when I get married so I think I'm close enough...
HAVING FREEDOM TO DO WHATEVER THE HELL I WANTED FOR MOST OF MY 20's! To me, that's been the biggest thing. I really couldn't imagine getting married at 20, or even 25/26!
I'll be 32 by the time my wedding rolls around. I think for me the best part is not caring so much what other people think. In my 20s I probably would have worried about impressing people, not doing anything tacky, having everything be "perfect", making everyone happy etc. Now I realize that trying to attain all of that is a recipe for poor mental health. I want to enjoy the day as much as possible (I hope that is doable!!!), keep it in perspective what the day is really about, and not go bankrupt trying to live up to someone's unrealistic expectations. My fiance and I now have a motto for unsolicited advice "everyone's got an opinon but no one's got any money". We are paying for it, so we have the say.
I am 32. I was married at 21.I think of how much I have grown since my twenties.I too was a total people pleaser and naive.I married my ex husband because I loved him and we had so much fun together.I know now that it takes more than love and fun to maintain a marriage.Thank god for the wisdom that comes with experience.
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