Post # 1
I want to hear from the other thirty-something brides on the Bee…I know you’re out there!
For me, here are the best parts about getting married in my 30’s:
1. Better finances. Being older, we’re in a much better position to pay for the wedding ourselves. So while our parents have some input, we’re not dependent on them to pay for the wedding and so we can craft a wedding that is more about us, rather than what the “family” wants.
2. Smaller bridal parties. I always knew I wanted a small bridal party (I even considered no bridesmaids!) but it seems like there is so much more pressure in your 20’s to have 5 or 10 of your closest friends (and you were in their wedding!) be your bridesmaids.
3. Getting married where you live/have settled down with your fiancee. If I’d gotten married 10 years ago, I likely would have done it in my hometown, even though I was already living out of state. The idea of planning a wedding there now, from Boston? UGH! So glad I now consider Boston my adopted hometown.
4. Getting to skip things like the bouquet toss and garter. Considering we have no single friends left at this point, we’re opting to skip this one! Though I will wear a garter – my Groom just won’t go up under my dress in front of 120 of our nearest and dearest.
5. Knowing yourself, and what you can and can’t accomplish. For example, 10 years ago I might have decided “yes, I can DIY EVERYTHING!” and gone ahead, full steam and wallet open. Now, I know that I am NOT a crafter! DIY is not my thing, and luckily I’ve known that for some time and haven’t wasted any money trying to do things I know I can’t.
Other brides, what are the best things about planning in your 30’s?
Post # 3
Wish I could say #3 was true for me. Most of my family is still in my hometown and wouldn’t be able to come because of their finances. It does give my fiance’s family a chance to see my home state though (wedding still an hour away, much closer to the airport)
I’m still learning myself in some ways, so I’m not 100% confident, but MUCH better than I used to be.
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2012 - Wynn Las Vegas/Bouchon Bistro
I love your list! I think you hit on a lot of important differences between when I was in my early 20s and my early 30s. (Of course, these differences are personal; I’m sure there are lots of younger brides who can claim 1-5 as well!)
I would also add that I have more confidence in my choices and decisions. I no longer feel the need to ask everyone’s opinions on every single thing that comes up — so I don’t worry as much about all of those little things. I can weigh my options, make a decision, and move on.
Post # 5
I really appreciate this thread. While I will be 29 when I get married I am the oldest within my family/friends to not be married (at least once). Isn’t that crazy!?!
I will say with 100% honesty that at any point before now I was not ready for marriage and that I am glad my Fiance and waited. We got our lives in order and have started down a successful path.
Post # 6
@karengoblue: I have to admit that while I’m glad to be getting married in my 30s, I’d rather be planning a wedding in my 20s… mostly because almost all my friends are now coupled/married and it automatically doubles the guest list, hah.
Post # 7
I got married at 29, Darling Husband was 31 at the time. We did the bouquet and garter tosses. Just sayin’.
Post # 8
Kick-ass honeymoon destinations. 😉
I just turned 30 (and Fiance just turned 28) and I agree with a lot of things on your list!
ETA: Especially #2 and #4. 🙂
Post # 9
Although compare to traditional in my culture, I’m got married late (around 30), but I don’t regret it. The best part are:
1. I’ve been around enough to know what I want and don’t want in a guy. No wonder about if there is someone else better. If I married any of the guy I dated, we would have ended in divorce.
2. Financially stable to have the wedding exactly how I want it. If I was to married earlier, I’d have to compromise my vision due to $ or rely on parents for assistant.
3. Won’t have the honeymoon I had or maybe not even a honeymoon at all due to $.
4. Won’t get a nice ring as I have now because the guys I dated couldn’t afford it or didn’t want to spend that much.
Post # 10
It’s interesting how 30 year olds are saying they got married late. Granted we got married 5 days before my 31st birthday and I am the older woman, Darling Husband is 27 but being from NY things are a little different. Of our friends in attendance there were only 3 married couples. A few are now engaged, but in no way did I feel as if I married late in life. (I confess, I did want to be married while I was still 30.) We did a bouquet toss and the girls went crazy for it, Darling Husband was not interested in a garter toss.
The great reasons for getting married at 30!
Knowing what you want! Being able to saying no, no, no until you find the one you say yes too, and stopping there. (Venue, vendors, dress etc)
Not feeling like you have to do EVERYTHING! We had no video, no photobooth, no favors, no candy buffet and no one missed them!
Being able to make our own decisions! Even tho we had large contributions from our parents, they treated us like adults and allowed us to plan our own wedding. They offered input only when we asked for it.
Kickass honeymoon! We went to Italy for 2 weeks, enough said!
Post # 11
I love this thread! I got married the DAY before I turned 30! So I hope I can still participate!
I am glad I waited…I know myself so much better now than I did in my early 20’s. I was trying so hard to figure out who I was and what I wanted to be then…I have no qualms with saying that I was not mature enough for marriage when I was in my early to mid 20’s (was engaged before and broke it off for this reason). I feel like I had time to live the single life, to get all my wildness out of me, to figure out my path and start down it before I found a partner who was in the same place. I figured out a lot about myself…my values, my goals, my beliefs. In my early 20’s, much of those things were still being formed, or were greatly influenced by those around me. I’m not saying it is this way with everyone, I am only speaking for myself.
I also love that feeling of being in control financially of a situation: We paid for much of our wedding, so I didn’t feel like I had to beg or borrow or bend to someone else’s wishes when it came to things we were paying for ourselves.
I am glad I had a small bridal party (less drama!), no bachelorette shenanigans (or bachelor party for that matter!), and a very intimate wedding. I had grown past the point of wanting to invite every person I had every known in high school or college, and only had my nearest and dearest there with me (which saved a lot of stress and money too!).
Basically, I had to see myself as a fully-formed adult before I could make a very adult decision (stable job, paying for my own way, able to live independently of others, which also entailed moving 2,500 miles away from my family!, able to keep myself from making rash decisions or decisions based soley on emotion). Sure, I thought I was “all grown up” right out of college, but looking back…I still had a lot of maturing to do. And I know I will continue to in the years to come. But I feel like I am finally able to be seen by my parents and family as an adult, and that is one of the greatest feelings.
Post # 12
oh I agree with this whole list so much! Totally echo everything you said. If we’d gotten married younger, we wouldn’t have been able to pay for it ourselves, and while my family situation would still be the same (I’m lucky, they are very hands-off and only want us to do what is right for us), we would have been beholden to my fiance’s pushy, controlling family and it would have made me miserable. At 33 and 35 we have the means to pay for it and the backbone to put our feet down when they start trying to get us to do things the way they would prefer.
Post # 13
Thank you ladies for such a wonderful response. I always thought the Bee was a great community of women and you’ve all confirmed it. I agree with so many of you – and for the record, I love that the almost 30 somethings are also chiming in. I also forgot to put CONFIDENCE on my original list – I am much more confident about my decisions now than I ever was in my 20’s!!
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
How about not being obligated to invite everyone from your college circle of friends? If I had gotten marred at 22, I would have invited well over 250 people. Many of my college friends have faded into “Christmas card friends” and aren’t going to be invited to our wedding. I’m excited about having a more intimate affair of 80-90 people.
@msgraphics: I read somewhere that northerners (and especially NYCers) get married later than people in other parts of the country. That’s probably why I (grew up in the NYC area, went to college & grad school in Boston before coming to Virginia) was stunned when friends got engaged at 22 while there are girls all over wedding message boards who are engaged at 18-20.
Post # 15
I agree with everything you said!! We didn’t do bouquet/garter toss either. The only thing I would add is that I think because I’m older and was more focused on marrying my fiance, I didn’t sweat the small stuff. I really just didn’t care about things I think girls in their 20’s do. For example, we asked the groomsmen just to wear a black suit they had in their closet and we didn’t want the BMs to spend money on dyed shoes so we said to just wear a black pair of shoes they already had. They guys still looked sharp and the girls looked beautiful. I didn’t care about the BMs wearing the same jewelry or having their hair the same…those things just didn’t matter in this time of my life and my wedding was just as beautiful!!
Post # 16
I’m in my 30’s and i agree with most of the things listed here. I now have a very defined life, social group and family and making decisions for the celebration of our marriage came easy.
Not to mention my uber handsome, 35 year old husband can really fill out a suit!