(Closed) What ARE the roles of MOH and BM?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
9619 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@Bride2Be929:  +1 i agree with pretty much everything you said, except i think I will be working the bridesmaids’ attire hair and makeup into the budget, so they won’t have to foot the bill

Post # 7
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014




I think all of the above depends completely on the bride, I also think traditions need to be taken into account also. I often read posts about bm being expected to pay for a lot of things, I do not agree with this at all, however this is they way I feel and I am not saying this is right for everyone.


When I asked my best friend and sister in law (only two adults) to be bm and moh I did not expect a single penny from them. I budgeted for their dresses as I did with the younger bm’s, I budget for their shoes, jewellery, hair, nails the hole lot. Our stag and hen (bachelorette) parties are also in our budget. My Moh honour however has asked to throw me a bridal shower but I have given her a budget to do this, I have requested no gifts just a drink with my female friends and female family members, we are actually doing this the night before the wedding.


I have asked them both to come dress shopping with me, because I value their opinions and so we can look for their dresses too. My moh is planning my hen/bachelorette party, again with a budget I have given her. She has offered to help with my DIY projects and has sat looking through websites and magazines with me for many hours.


In short I truly believe the role of a BM/MOH is a support role on their part, a fresh pair of eyes on the planning process and a emotional rock. For me I want them in my bridal party for one reason to stand at my side. I love these women it is only right they stand pride of place on my special day. 

Post # 10
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Bride2Be929:  i agree, and more to the point i assume the roles and expectations (financial) were set out from day one. so there is no excuse. I am fortunate that I have been friends with my moh since we were 11, although I was not in her bridal party, I did what I could behind the scenes, I was unwell at the time of her wedding and I was asked if I wanted to play an active part but I politely refused… I made her wedding cake instead. We’ve been through an awful lot together, we have a relationship far beyond any I have with my siblings, and luckily we do not argue like siblings either haha.  


My one question in all of what you said in your original post is would you still have them as bridesmaids if they could not afford to do the traditional bridesmaids duties you speak of. I know I would. Traditions aside for any bride, is how much these ladies can offer you more important than that person being at your side. I hope not.


I understand the emotional side is number one in everything, although I cannot relate I have very few friends I like it that way, but the ones I do have are my world along with my Fiance and son and my family.


I am like you as I put 110% into every relationship I have, I think the main thing I have realised on this site is that it is not only the bm that lack in emotional support sometimes it is also the bride herself, sometimes the expectations can be overwhelming for a bm, whether that be down to financial issues, distance, time, other commitments, children…



Post # 11
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I mean i just think you should not EXPECT your BMs to throw you a party.  If they offer to throw  you a bridal shower or bachelorette party, that is wonderful, but i just think brides these days have a sense of entitlement.  I personally dont understand why brides think they are entitled to all these different parties and that the bridesmaids are obligated to attend and be involved in planning all of them.  Maybe its just a difference in cultures or groups

Post # 12
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Bride2Be929:  honestly? You lost me at “the shower may not be up to the bride’s standards”.

What I expected of my BMs: be excited about the wedding, throw my hen party (we don’t have showers here), stay with me the night before, wear the dress I chose.

Their shoes, hair, make-up and nails are up to them (though my girls decided to wear the same colour shoes which I’m happy about).

One of my BMs came dress-shopping with me but they couldn’t all make it because we are all adults with lives, jobs and in some cases kids, we don’t live so close to each other and so on.

As it happens, my girls threw an amazing hen do; one is making my something blue; one is making my favours! But a lot of what they’ve done is way above and beyond what I EXPECTED from them.

ETA: in the UK the BMs are absolutely expected to throw the hen party, it’s one of the main Bridesmaid or Best Man duties.

Post # 13
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Bride2Be929:  I basically agree with just about everything you said except I think IF the bride want the BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor to have their hair professionally done, then the bride should pay for that. My BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor will be doing their own hair and make-up.

I NEVER came across the attitude that all BMs and MOHs have to do is buy the dress and show up on the wedding day and look pretty until I came to WB. Frankly I find the attitude downright shocking. Ideally, the bride-to-be should ask friends and relatives who care deeply about her to be part of the wedding. While these caring people are NOT slaves/servants/wedding planners, they should want to be involved or they should decline to be part of the wedding party! As a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I have addressed wedding invites, decorated venues, shared my opinions, gone dress shopping, fashioned favors, and helped arrange bridal showers and bachlorette parties. When I accepted the role of Bridesmaid or Best Man, it was understood that I was part of the wedding and would help the bride as much as my time and energy allowed.

Post # 16
1796 posts
Buzzing bee

Every wedding that I have been in or attended, the family of the bride threw the wedding shower, the BMS just helped.

other than that I agree with ya 100%

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