- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
I’ve seen many post on what the role of a Maid/Matron of Honor and BM’s should be. I am kind of schocked by the answer “they need to get their dress and show up on the day of.” Being a part of someones wedding is far more than just a dress and “showing up”. Now, Im not saying its right to be over demanding and making them into slaves, but I think there are some roles in which the bridal party should be more involved.
The purchasing of the Brides Gown:
I believe that the bridal party should be apart of this processes. I’m not saying they should be paying for it, but they should be there to support the bride during this special moment. Now, its up to the descreation of the bride to include who she wishes, but I feel that if they are asked to join and they are all able to accomitdate it into their schedules then they should come and show their support.
The Bridal Shower:
Now, I know there is a lot of controversy of this topic. I see SO many posts on how the MOH’s and BM’s are’t obligated to throw any showers/ parties. This baffles me. Traditionally, it IS the bridal party who throws the shower. This is NOT an uncommon request. I do NOT believe that the Bride can expect to drain the bridal party of all their money to throw them some lavish shower, but I do think that they should be involved at minimum. The shower may not be to up to the brides standards, but a good effort should be made. There are many different options to throw a lovely party that cost very little: e-vites, everyone brings a dish to share, do desserts only, a few simple decorations. After all its about showering the bride, not about what decor or food you have.
The Bachelorette Party:
Once again, I see many state that it is not the responsibitly of the bridal party to do anything. While I don’t believe the Bach. Party is not as significant as the Bridal Shower (in my opinon), it is usually customary for the bridal party to be the ones who plan and cordinate it. They don’t need to take on the full burdon of footing the whole bill, you can ask guest to help chip in. There are also so many low cost options. A night out on the town, for example, a night out on the town really doesnt cost anything. You dont HAVE to drink and most places dont require a cover charge. Remember, its about the bride getting out and celebrating her final days of being single, with her best gals, not about how much money you spend on her doing it.
While I think a lot of brides enjoy having their bridal parties involved in this process, most already know what they are wanting and are simply looking for emotional support. They want to fell like their Maid/Matron of Honor and BM’s are happy for them and want to share their excitment with the ones closest to them, after all they are their best friends and closest family memebers (usually). I DONT think its too much to expect your bridal party to be supportive and have positive attitudes. Nothing brings a bride down more than a negitive bridal party. I understand brides get stressed and need an outlet to vent and when you take on the role of Bridesmaid or Best Man its to be expect that your going to get an earfull. They need to realize they are coming to you because they feel like they can confide in you. It may not be something you feel like hearing, but lending your ear wont kill you.Now, if the bride is being ulta demading and asking the bridal party to finaically help with the planning process then they are out of line. The bridal party isnt responsible for putting your wedding together for you, that is on the bride & fiance, after all its THEIR wedding.
Bridal Party Finacal Responsiblites:
It is not uncommon for the bridal party to be responsible for purchasing their own dresses, shoes and jewelry. I dont understand these BM’s who complain about having to purchase these items. It comes with the territory of accepting the honor of being in someones wedding. I do believe the bride should be courdious and ask them what they would feel comfortable with and the bride should honor that request and try her very best to keep it within the agreed upon budget. Also, I think you should give the girls plenty of time to get the fund together to be able to purchase these items. Most stores have payment plans, or require a small depoist to get the ball rolling. The shoes should be something that are very resonable. Nothing too expenisve and something that could be worn again is my rule of thumb. I think purchasing the Bridal Parties jewelry is a great idea for their gifts. Save your bridal party the money and get them for them to show your appreciation.
Hair, Makeup & Nails:
Of course most brides would prefer to have their bridal party get these things done professionally, it is not somehting that is required. You can not force your bridal party to dish out $150+ to look the way YOU want them to look. Yes, they should put their best effort in to look their best, but many girls know to do their own hair and makeup or have a friend that can do it for them. Yes, it would be ideal to have everyone go together and have that bonding time, but it is unreasonable to demand that they do it.
I feel like over the years many BM’s have gotten this feeling of entilement. They forget about the big picture and are the ones who have this feeling of not being responsible for anything. They are the ones who say the dress and showing up are good enough. Since when did the bare minimum become the base of which friendship is formed? Maybe I am just old school or maybe I am just more sensitive to the actions of other, but in all my relationships – personal, family and friends I put in 110% because at the end of the day I DO care about the feelings of others and not just the bare minimum.