Post # 1
I’ve come across this topic lately and it has been sprouting up in my mind a lot.
What do you and your FI/SO/DH do to protect the foundation and longevity of the relationship? In other words, are you two taking it day-by-day, see what comes and rely on the fact you’re in love? Or are you two educating yourselves and working on foibles that could harm the relationship?
How do you know you’ll make it and why do you think you will? Or what are your doubts? If things are good today, what will keep them good tomorrow? In 10, 25, 35 years?
The other day, someone close to me said they have no doubt DH and I will “make it.” I don’t, either, because of what I’m doing now. But this person has no idea what I and DH as a pair are doing to protect our marriage. Just because we’re “in love” and “love each other” now doesn’t mean we can just cruise on through, but, on some level, that is assumed to be enough. We’re not magical or different because we’re happy now. Most everyone is this way once they marry/are about to.
So, what are you guys doing?
Post # 3
We have traditions:
every year for Valentines day we make a romantic gourmet dinner together, and eat it by candelight
We don’t eat in front of the tv, instead we talk
We blow kisses over the phone
We always, always hold hands
We give real kisses, not pecks
We have a painfully honest clause. Even when it hurts (as in him politely telling me my breath isn’t so great, and me telling him he was being a jerk to his co worker)
We excercise together
There are many, many more isms.
But more than anything else, for the past 5 plus years, we have been Best Friends.
Post # 4
We’re always honest with each other about how we’re feeling. If it’s something big, normalish, or even small, we talk about it.
I tend to get irritated more easily than he does, but we’re/mostly I’m working on being more kind at all times. It’s something that’s in progress, but progress is going well :).
This is a really interesting topic, I look forward to seeing more replies!
Post # 5
We are very open with each other. We try very hard to head off concerns before they become an issue. We are also very considerate and respectful of the other’s feelings. We can each say “how will xxxx feel if i do xxxx” and be very honest with ourselves about it.
Since we first started dating we’ve made it a point to go out of town together (just the two of us) for a weekend at least once a quarter. This gives us time to get away and refresh ourselves as a couple.
Post # 6
@Bellagiobride: I really like your idea of setting up traditions. I think I may do that as well!
Post # 7
Thank you! It really does “protect” our relationship. It is an amazing way to preserve things. Even the small things, like I have a photo album with a picture from all five our anniversaries. It nice to have them on the computer, but there is something about the tangibilty of putting them in one place so that we can compare each year. We have really grown. Most importantly, traditions will give you both something to look forward to, and that will keep both hearts involved!
Post # 8
We have a lot of hobbies that we do together (concerts, video games, movies, exercise, etc)… and also things that we do apart, which I think is important too (he plays sports, I do crafts). We have great passions for the same things – music, for example – and while we do like some of the same kinds of music, we like other kinds that one another doesn’t… but my FI says that, more importantly, we hate the same kinds of music 😉
We hold hands whenever we are out in public. We tell each other “I love you” and pay each other a compliment at least once a day. We have one night a week which is reserved for us spending time together (watching a movie, going for a long walk in the park, etc). We try to bond with each other’s families. I have photos of every flower bouquet he’s ever given me in our ten years together. We play with our two cats together every day. We shop for clothes together for children we don’t even have yet.
They’re all little things, but I cherish them more than anything 🙂
Post # 9
We have a lot of traditions and are honest with each other like pp have mentioned, but it’s not something we explicitly talk about. I think I’ll ask him about it today.
Post # 10
These are great ideas! I mentioned this thread to FI this morning and he said it’s got him thinking.
With the stress of wedding planning and everything else, we’ve been neglecting each other a little bit, which seems to me totally counter-intuitive.
Some of the things we did to connect with the other before all of this stress: lots of hugging, touching, kissing, texting each other throughout the day, pet names, sharing inside jokes…
These have all kind of fallen by the wayside a little bit as the stress piles on. It will be fun to reconnect a little bit this way and to make sure we are “protecting” our relationship.
Post # 11
@HEB:I agree with you that love isn’t enough to keep two people together.
My Husband always says he is unavailable to work on Friday. So we always have the evening to do something fun together or just relax.
We say we love each other a lot.
We always kiss and hug when one of us leaves the house.
We eat dinner at the table every night he’s home.
We make sure to put each other first in everything.
I wave to him when he pulls out of the parking lot.
Post # 12
This is a great thread! Doing things to protect your relationship because relationships take work! We do quite a few things:
Say I love you every time we get off the phone/ leave / separate for any reason.
Go to the gym together.
We have actually had a conversation and promised each other that we are committed to this relationship and will work to change if the other person is unhappy with something.
We don’t live together yet so we talk every day and include the other person in our plans for the day and what we’re doing.
We have pet names for each other.
We compliment each other more.
Post # 13
What a great thread. Even the most solid relationships need work. FI and I:
-We make “Breakfast for Dinner” on special occasions such as birthdays, anniversarys, valentine’s day, etc.
-We are training for a marathon together which gives us so much time together and we really need to be each other’s strength during difficult runs
-We try and take a ‘big’ trip once a year, with several little getaways throughout the year
-We keep in contact throughout the day through email/text/phonecalls..just a quick hello and I love you
-We spend a lot of time together with our dog, going for walks, dog park, spoiling him, etc.
-Respecting each other’s interests also helps our relationship. He can golf his heart out, and I can DIY/craft. When we come back together afterwards we’re both happy!
-We try and go out with couple friends once a week. Being out in public with him makes me happy…when he holds my hand, puts his hand on my back, etc… just that small connection keeps us strong.
Post # 14
@missbeachbum:kind of off topic, but I was just wondering what I was going to cook for dinner…and breakfast it is!
Post # 15
Hahaha I love breakfast for dinner! It’s something we never think to do until a special event comes up. We go all out – hashbrown casserole, bacon, cinnamon buns, omelettes, creamscicle juice drink…. okay now I’m trying to figure out what special event I can invent to make this tonight!!! lol
Post # 16
- Wedding: June 2015 - Thorpewood
We’re definitely honest with each other. If my boyfriend is irritating me, I’ll flatout tell him. I don’t want to push my feelings aside and then end up resenting him down the road.
We also spend the time before we go to sleep talking and cuddling. It’s a really important part of our day to both of us.
We also do a lot of mundane things together, like going grocery shopping or spending a few hours cleaning the apartment really well.