Post # 1
It seems like most of the time we plan the wedding with little to no help from our fiance when it comes to certain areas (flowers, decor, etc). FI isn’t very excited about planning a wedding (he wanted to elope), so as much as I’m incorporating his interests (comics, craft beer, video games), I think it would be nice to leave something entirely in his court to plan.
My problem, I guess, is that FI isn’t a very serious person. If it’s unconventional, offensive, ridiculous, or alarming, he’s immediately drawn to it as an option for the wedding. It makes me hesitant to put him in charge of something big. I don’t want to be a bridezilla or look over his shoulder the entire time, but I also don’t want to show up to find he picked “Baby Got Back” as our first dance or that the fingerprints in the guestbook make the pubes for a giant hairy penis. Ok, that last one’s a stretch, but still. I know it’s about us getting married and not about the material stuff, but I don’t want to be embarrassed on our wedding day. Sometimes with him, it’s a fine line between “ok, that’s bad, but it’s funny and I like it,” and “oh dear God, get rid of it before everyone sees…”
So, what did you put your FI in control of exclusively? If you’re already married, how did it turn out? If you aren’t married yet, do you have an idea of what he’s doing or will it be a complete surprise? Do you have any suggestions of things that I could give him to do that won’t “make or break” the wedding?
Post # 3
I’ve actually put SO in charge of planning the honeymoon – he’s way pickier than I am about travel (I’ll go anywhere as long as it’s safe), so I don’t want to have to try and find somewhere that SO won’t complain about. As far as I know, he’s looking into doing the east coast of Canada, New Zealand, or possible St. Lucia. I’m sure he’ll do a phenomenal job; he’s never given me any reason to doubt his abilities!
Post # 4
@CanadaMoose: I don’t know if a honeymoon is in our budget, but that’s a really good idea! I think he could actually do really well in that area if we can afford it. I’ll have to talk to him about it.
Does anyone else have any ideas or experiences?
Post # 5
I didn’t really “put” FI in charge of anything but there are certain tasks he’s just taken up on his own without my asking…such as e-mailing potential officiants, negotiating our contract with our venue, researching his and his groomsemen’s attire, and several other things.
Often he’s actually more on top of things than I am. We’ll just be sitting around watching TV, and he’ll say something like, “Oh hey, have you thought about a photobooth? I found a few different companies that offer them…”
I’ve been incredibly impressed at how much initiative he’s taken. It’s really cool to see that he’s excited about it!
Post # 6
I haven’t put FI in charge of anything. Honestly, he’s not the planning type and has no desire to be. I do ask for his input though on things I think he may care about
Post # 7
The music, he’s really picky about this and most of the songs I have suggested have been shot down… So maybe that’s backfired a bit but we did choose our first dance song together. His and his groomsmans attire has also been selected by him (with my overall ok by request – I did the same with the bridesmaids attire) he also did the lighting plan and model And my brother is creating it for us. In general tho we have made all the decisions (except my dress) together which has been really great and really made it feel like ‘our’ wedding
Post # 8
Mine is doing the honeymoon too.
@CanadaMoose: Our FI’s sound the same lol! We’re just south of you, in Barrie! My FI is planning it all and I dont’ want to know where we’re going til we get to the airport. He’s way pickier about travel too. If it were up to me, we’d do an all inclusive in Jamaica or something. However, he just started a new job and will be in training for the next 18 months so we might have to post pone our honeymoon 🙁
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre
@HonoraryNerd: I’m in the opposite position – I wanted to elope, FH wanted the big wedding. I’m still stuck planning it all. He thinks because he’s paying for half of it, he’s doing just as much as I am. Ugh. Can you tell I’m frustrated? I’ve left the cake and favours (macarons) up to him entirely (he’s a chef), but I don’t know how that will all work out… He’s really gotten on board with planning the honeymoon, which is the last thing on my mind after all of this, and he’s picked out what his groomsmen are wearing.
Post # 10
@HonoraryNerd: On the craft beer subject, I comissoned a cask for our wedding, and it was ludicrously affordable. You guys should call around to local breweries, or, better yet, go in, and try to talk to the brewer, or Brewster. Come to think of it, that was when I had success, when I talked to the brewers, not the sales managers. It was awesome, because that ale on,y ever existed one time, at our wedding, and will never exist again!
Post # 11
Wedding planning is not in my DH’s wheelhouse.
I delegated 3 tasks to him.
– One he completed on his own – finding himself something to wear. He stressed me out a bit by doing it at the last minute (litterally 2 weeks before the wedding) but did a fantastic job.
– The other two I ended up having to help him complete, about a week before the wedding(choosing a 1st dance song and telling the groomsmen what to wear).
It was a bit annoying that he didn’t just complete those two things on his own, but it wasn’t a big deal.
Ultimately, I’m just glad that I didn’t have to get an additional person involved in a lot of the details, and that he was supportive of my choices. There were enough opinions going on between my mom, my sister, and I!
Post # 12
Mr TTR & I are Encores… and we Eloped
We planned most things as a two-some
Altho I had some very distinct ideas about the Back Home Reception for our Family & Friends (then again he had some very set ideas about what he wanted to deliver for me for our Honeymoon)
At any rate, neither of us were disappointed by the work that the other person did.
The Honeymoon was INCREDIBLE (best vacation of my life)
And after the Back Home Reception, Mr TTR told me I did an AWESOME job and he was very happy that I had suggested it, and put forth the effot
— — —
Even my First Wedding some 30+ years ago, my Ex Hubby and I worked closely together with my Parents (who paid for the Reception Dinner) to ensure that we were ALL on the same page.
We had a very traditonal union (common for the 1980s)… and my Ex Hubby planned all the Honeymoon. He did a good job.
Everything I think turned out GREAT because we were always very open about our communications, vision, etc.
I wouldn’t have it any other way…
Post # 13
Well, I’d like for things to get done, so he’s not touching anything. I wanted to have him plan the honeymoon, but he wasn’t getting around to it, and admitted he would’ve probably booked a last minute cruise, which would’ve been so upsetting to me-so I booked our trip.
I also wanted him to find his own wedding band-not happening. Same with officiant because it is his priest…yea I’m filing and coordinating all of it. He had some specific ideas about what he wanted to wear, so he picked that-but he’s not getting involved in anything else because we’re only 5 months out, and we can’t wait on him to sit on a project for months that won’t get done anyway.
Post # 14
@lollygagon: +1 Wedding planning is not my fiancé’s cup of tea. He took his daughter shopping for a flower girl dress today (we are in separate cities) and he called me confused asking me “They wanna know if we want off white or white or ivory?” “What dress type are you wanting again” and “I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m totally out of my element here”. LOL. I could just see him at the bridal shop with deer in headlights!
I get his opinions on things (different photographers, videographers, etc. that I have researched) and we decide together who we want to book, but in terms of actually putting him in charge of something, nothing as of now. He knows that he is in charge of attire (picking out a style for him and the guys) as well as making sure the groomsmen all get there stuff in order. He’s got great style so I have no fear of what he picks.
He also knows that he needs to put together a song list of music he likes to give to the DJ.
Post # 15
Post # 16
@Duncan: Oh my goodness, he would love this!! We go on brewery tours all the time and most of them, the brewer is the owner and runs the tour. He could definitely get into that.
So many good ideas! Keep it up, everyone! I think maybe putting him in charge of alcohol, honeymoon, maybe the desserts, too? I think he’d do well with that.