Post # 1
This is a spinoff from another thread…
What are some of your spoken or unspoken fighting rules for you and your SO? Did you lay out ground rules for fights? What happens if someone breaks a rule?
My DH and I have never had a conversation about our fighting rules but he has learned from experience that: Rule #1: Do not Cuss at me or call me any negative names (like, F-You–B*tch etc) Rule #2: We do not make any mean personal comments. (Like, You’re fat..you’re ugly..I hate the way you dress.. ETC)
Edit: Rule #3: No leaving—Rule #4: No hitting, slapping punching..Nothing physical unless it’s hugs and kisses LOL
Post # 3
No biting, kicking, hitting or shoving…avoid throwing expensive things at other expensive things, (a person/dog is considered an expensive thing) stay on topic, stay in the now and stay in the house….going to bed angry is totally acceptable and apologies must be issued IN PERSON…texts, e-mails and phone call amends are not acceptable.
Post # 4
@ashleyr0512: I think fighting rules are totally necessary. He’s a way better “fighter” than I am as I don’t really have a lot of experience with anger because I’m something like an overcommunicator and I have a really calm personality when it comes to conflict.
1-No yelling. Easy for me because I’m not a yeller but he can get super loud, not really on purpose but just carried away in the moment.
2-Don’t walk away/give up indefinitely. We’re gonna sort this shit out dude, if you need a moment or two, let me know…but don’t leave if you don’t want it to be over or cause serious damage to our morale as a couple.
3-This one we’re working on…but I cannot stand the silent treatment. OHMYGAAAA. Drives me nuts and it’s such a cycle.
That’s about it for now.
Post # 5
@Nona99: Stay in the now-I love this…no bringing up old shit. Except that’s usually my thing lol I’d have to swallow that large pill myself!
Post # 6
Ours are basically no name calling, no use of the words “always” or “never.”
Post # 7
No name calling, or profanity even if used for dramatic effect. No leaving. No silent treatment. No yelling, we are adults and we can sit down and have a proper discussion like adults. No games! No making the other guess why your mad, if you can’t just flat out tell me then it is not worth being mad over!
If you need your space that is totally fine, just make it known, and guess what, we will come back to this discussion once there has been an adequate cool down.
No pretending things didn’t happen!
Post # 8
we used to have the no swearing rule but I’m the type of person who swears when I’m angry and feel the need to tell him when he’s being an ass. We are not allowed to say any “f you”s though. Usually it goes something like this. I love you but feel like you’re acting like an ass , and this is why. haha. Also, no hitting, or any type of violence such as throwing things. Sometimes I will lock myself in my room because I feel like I need my space. Usually after about 15 minutes of space one of us will realize that we’re being silly and the argument is over.
Post # 9
@ashleyr0512: Same as you. No cursing, name calling etc. We also promised not to go to bed mad
Post # 10
No fighting. Only discuss things calmy and rationally. If you’re getting wound up over it, take a time out and come back to it when we can discuss it without the anger or frustration being a factor.
Post # 11
Obviously, conflicts happen in a couple, but I would presume it’s juste good sense that both parties will discuss them politely which means : no screaming, no insults, not bringing back solved conflicts in an attempt to make the other feel even more guilty, etc. I don’t know, we don’t have ”rules”, we never fight. But in order to do that, we discuss problems as they come by, instead of shutting them down and wait until it explodes and turns into a huge fight.
Post # 12
@ashleyr0512: We do not have discussed and accepted rules. But our unspoken rules are no hitting, no throwing, no screaming, no name calling, and if you can’t handle it right now walk away. We will also often argue for a few minutes. Let it go. Have other conversations. And then bring it up again later. Seems to help letting anything get too heated or out of control. We don’t fight that often, but when we really just can’t see eye to eye on something it does help to take a break from it.
Post # 13
No walking away, yelling (we try) or cursing (he really tries) and we are realllly working on interupting
Post # 14
Our biggest rule is that under no circumstance are we to bring up divorcing, separating or anything else that would have to do with us being apart while we are fighting.
The other littles ones are no name calling, no violence, not saying anything to purposefully hurt each other.
Post # 15
Be specific – lol it sounds odd – but its almost like PP with no ‘always or never’. We don’t allow each other to generalize….its too easy to say I always pay for dinner out but unless you can come up with multiple, specific occurances then your point is invalid and excused.
No cussing or name calling.
Absolutely no phsyical show of emotion in any way – sounds extreme to write it that way but if FI ever touched me out of anger or threw something – or punched a wall, etc I would be a cloud of dust. He knows this and has made it a non-issue since.
We don’t raise our voices when we have a disagreement. FI is new to this so sometimes he has to leave the room – walk around the house and come back but if he raises his voice to me – I immediately shut down and can’t think of competent responses in the argument.
If you are too emoptionally charged to follow any of the rules – walk away and try again tomorrow – or the day after. This has only happened once – but I am a firm believer in communicating like adults and not yelling and screaming like children to get your point across. Wait till you can discuss it like rational human beings so you don’t accidently say something you didn’t mean to and do irreparable damage…
EDIT – we also do like the above PP – we never speak of sepweratingunless it is super serious – he did this once and asked for the ring back – it was a dumb argument anyways – btu I told him if he ever asked for the ring back again that he would get it back and then I would not be a part of his life again – ever.
Post # 16
no bringing up completely unrelated topics that we’ve fought about in the past just as fodder for current arguement. No name calling or comparisons. DH never swears, unfortunately I swear (not at him, just in general) a lot.
I need time to cool off and DH is more ‘lets talk it all out now’ so its hard because I just want to NOT talk/argue.