Post # 1
For those who want to get them off their chest and, hopefully, see that they are not alone in having deep seaded worries, let’s share our insecurities about marriage. I’ll start
– I have sort of an imposter syndrome about my marriage and worry that one day he’ll realize he’s totally out of my leauge and that he settled, or that he was under some sort of spell and that I am no where near as good a catch as he’d origionally imagined…that I won’t live up to his expectations.
– I’m worried he married me because it was what he had to do to keep me, not because he passionately wanted to do it.
– I worry that he’ll never want to have kids. I’m not ready for kids quite yet, but he is 31 years old and is still SUPER freaked out by kids, even though he says he wants to have kids in a few years. We have a baby nephew who’s pretty much the sweetest baby in the world (happy all the time, full of beautiful smiles, and just the cutest friggin kid – seriously he could be a baby model) yet he doesn’t seem to be able to muster up any interest or connection with the baby.
– We’ve never been the type who “need” each other. We love to spend time together, but are very independent people (we’ve been LD for a long time). Maybe we’ll never get the sort of intimacy of couples who can hardly spend a night apart from each other and maybe that means we are lacking in some way.
So in sum: I’m a worrier! As I look at this I can see that it’s more about my personality than it is about our relationship. I just have to remind myself that building a strong marriage is not about winning the lottery by finding a “soul mate” it’s about doing the work of making the little chioces every day to do things that make your relationship strong. I married a wonderful man and we are deeply compatible and have a strong foundation for our lives together. There is no reason to believe that we can’t continue to grow and work together to make our marriage strong and lasting.
Post # 2
I’m a worrier, too. Actually, I have a severe case of GAD & panic disorder. After reading your post, I realized the one thing I don’t worry about is my marriage. I’m typically very insecure in relationships, but I feel completely safe & secure with dh.
It probably helps that I’ve known him a long time. He’s my very best friend in the world & the person I trust the most.
He is going through a health issue right now & has to have a biopsy–I am very anxious & insecure about that.
Post # 3
I have worries all the time! Seeing you post was really encouraging for me, because I have a lot of the same worries…and I think it’s just like you said, we’re worriers! I don’t think it necessarily means these are red flags of some deeper problem. I especially relate to both of us being independent and worrying that maybe we’re not meant to be because sometimes I feel like I could totally get by on my own. I need to work on coping methods for my anxiety, for sure!!!
Post # 4
I worry about him dying before we’re old.
Post # 5
Anxiety is like that. It tricks you into thinking something is wrong when it isn’t.
Knowing you could be on your own is healthy, IMO.
Post # 6
cbgg: thank you for posting this! I have a pretty nasty case of GAD so I have many of these same anxieties. It doesn’t help that my husband really is way out of my league in looks and generosity and well, everything. I ask him all the time if I make him happy. I think it gets annoying but he never responds with anything but kindness and patience and assurance that no one could make him happier. Actually he thinks I’m out of HIS league.
So I suppose it’s easier to say I’m insecure with myself, but I’m very secure in my marriage. I am loved and protected and I love my DH more than almost anything else in this world.
Post # 7
i worry about a lot too. i worry that some day my SO is going to decided he doesn’t want to be apart of the relaitonship anymore (even though there has never been anything to make me think he would). i trust that he won’t and that’s the difference between worrying and being untrusting.
i don’t worry about it too much just always hope it doesn’t happen
Post # 8
lampshade: OMG me too!!! Like borderline unhealthy worrying. Any time I see a couple on TV where one person dies, I get way too sad about it. I don’t really worry about anything else related to our marriage.
Post # 9
I do worry about something bad happening to my hubby. When he isn’t home at a certain time and I cannot reach him, my mind goes into overdive and I start worrying about all the really bad thigs that could have happened to him…. I worry bout life without him, what to tell the kids and so on. It can get so bad that I will cry because I cannot picture my life without him. I just want him to be safe.
Post # 10
I’m going to share one that has slighlty come up here and there for the past 1 1/2 years. It’s something I should never worry about, but just do. DH and I have been together for over 5 years. We met when I was 20 and right after he turned 21. We were married this past December when we were both 25. My cousin, who is 4 years older than me, met her now DH November 2012 (actually the night before DH and I were engaged), became engaged March 2013, and married June 2013. I did think it was very rushed, though they do seem quite happy together. However, sometimes my aunts make me feel like my marriage is less…idk important? respected? because we got married younger. My aunt (not my cousin’s mom) made a comment at my cousin’s wedding last June that felt like a dig, though I totally don’t think was one, that my cousin really took her time to find the right guy and “didn’t settle”. It rubbed me the wrong way. Like I said…I don’t think it was a snub, but I just feel like my family sees our relationship as less important. Overall, it doesn’t matter because DH and I are in love and very happy and have been for years, but sometimes it’s hard to get rid of insecurities.
-Oh, I also worry about bad stuff happening to DH. It can actually make me upset because, while I can live without him, I never want to.
Post # 11
I worry about being a younger widow. My husband is 17 years older than me. He hates doctors, and refuses to do things like prostate exams or have a colonoscopy. He worked in the sun for 30 years, but won’t go to a free skin cancer screening. His Dad died at 64 of pancreatic cancer. I just don’t want to lose him to something that could be prevented. Talking to him about this is like banging your head into a wall.
Honestly…. I also worry what he would think if he knew all the details of my childhood. He knows some, but there is a plethora of things that happened that he has no idea about. The rational part of me knows he loves me unconditionally, and none of those things matter now. The other part of me is afraid he would judge me, because he had such a Walton-esque family.
Post # 12
IntereSting thread. I have some inecurities, most of which I know are crazy. I don’t spend much time worrying about them,but once and a while!
I sometomes feel sad at the thought of what if I’m his second or third choice, his wife by default. because of some things I know about his last two relationships Being ended by those women. I think I’m not as pretty or as rich In personality as other women he’s been with. I worry he doesn’t see me as a strong and good wiman….more of a basket case who needs constant reassurance and support (this is a new insecurity since we had children) and that one day he will realize he loves them and not me…and will lose sight rof all we did to create our family, every special moment leading up to their birth… and will forget why he loved me And my worst fear is I won’t matter anymore. Hmmm what else…I am literally covered in scars right now After having my twins…nothing is the same, I’m insecure about our sex life Because of this.
Post # 13
I got really lucky. Met my fi at 19, dated 5.5 years, engaged last August and will be married in 9 days. (holy crap!!) we have a great relationship. Our own friends/ lives and our life together. My only concern is because we are both in recovery from drugs and alcohol and he’s had a lot harder time staying sober than I have. My concern is that he will relapse and we won’t be able to have children because I wouldn’t want to bring kids into that kind of environment. If this were to happen continually I don’t think I will be able to stay in the marriage because I want children. For now he’s working a great program so I am not too concerned, but forever is a very long time and I don’t know what will happen in the future.
One other concern is that we got engaged because my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma and I wanted him to see me get married. In the beginning my fi was a little stressed about getting married because he proposed earlier than he thought he would, but he got over it. We are ready.
Post # 14
Seconding the PP who said she worries about her FI dying young. I can’t imagine overcoming that.
I worry that we both will become complacent and be roommates more than husband/wife.
I worry that he doesn’t really want kids. He was 50/50 on the subject early in our relationship and recently has said he’d like kids, but I worry that he’s saying it to make me happy.
I worry that he will become a workaholic.
Man, I feel better already just saying all of that.
Post # 15
I have one really crazy insecurity that my husband will be taken from me because we are so happy together (think Orpheus and Eurydice). Everything, even the “difficult” times, in our relationship has worked out so beautifully that I can’t really wrap my head around how lucky we’ve been. I know it’s completely irrational, but it’s something that bothers me constantly; especially when really good things happen to us.