Weddingbee boards

First off, I'm so glad I found this site. I was having thoughts about my situation, and to avoid the drama I made myself busy, by reading about the subject. :P

I especially liked this forum, since the comments are so insightful, and well put. So I decided to share my personal story, and to get your opinions on the matter. :)

So here it goes...

Me and Mr. D have been together for a little over a year. This is our second cycle.

I left him once when we were both younger (after 8 months), cause I wasn't ready to settle down. We ran into each other again, years later. He impressed me, and won me over again. Though some small fear of me leaving him still remains unsolved.

He was ALWAYS serious about me, from the first date and up until now. He openly and gently showed me into the loving arms of his family. We traveled the world together, and semi-lived together for the first few months of our mature relationship. 

Last Christmas we went to Amsterdam. He briefly took me window shopping for a ring. Not anything too direct. Just "What kind of ring do you like?". I did not get too excited about this, cause it was still very early on in the relationship. I thought maybe he's toying with the idea.

After we came back he asked me to come to US with him for a while. He was planning on finishing his degree here, and I thought of it as a wonderful adventure that will surely and shortly lead to engagement. So I got my Visa, gave up my place, packed everything, and followed him to the other side of the world.

At first this was fun, but I soon started to realize that I'm pushing 30, I left my life on pause to be with a man I believed in, and wanted to be with for the rest of my life. Suddenly I want to marry this man, and start a family. Though generally against ultimatums, I felt this situation called for something, cause I felt stuck. So we had a talk (he started it!) and I told him I'd like to start a family soon. It's important to me, and one of my needs. I'm almost 30, and I need to progress. Being in US with him is truly wonderful, but my Visa is going to expire by the end of September, and I need to know that we are on the same page. Needless to say, I never discussed this matter openly before. 

A few weeks have passed, and he started a conversation about this again, saying he does not understand "the need", and what do I need a ring for. I told him that I'm not interested in dating, and I want to start a family. I will leave US in September, and I cannot come back here as his girlfriend. If a year of dating, and 6 years of knowing each other is not enough for him to know - nothing will be. 

I hate how it got down to this, cause I always pictured him proposing to me "on his own". But it boiled down to a point where I was feeling like my needs and hopes are neglected. I didn't want to feel resentful, so I chose to leave if he doesn't feel the same.

We left it hanging in the air, with enough room for him to surprise me. I do not mention this, and our relationship is great. 

September is approaching fast, and I don't know what to think. I am willing to move on if he won't ask me, but a part of me wonders if I jumped the gun.

What do you think? Should I leave. or stay and wait a little longer?

Thank you for your comments :)

Maybe I should mention that he's on a student visa, and plans to stay in US for at least another 2 years. In his mind, he's a strong believer in family & marriage, and he trully wants a future with me. He's against pressure though. He says we are building our lives together right now, and this should be enough for me to know that he's serious. 

I feel that a ring is a promise. It makes things official. I will be willing to wait 2 years to get married, if I'll have that. It's him showing me he loves me and wants to be with me. Do not feel the need to appologize for wanting it. I'm just wondering if I'm not being too demending, too early.

@Just_Squeeze: We're both from Israel. US is a big issue, because honestly, I can't see myself living here. It's a lovely country, but my home and heart are in Israel. I'm willing to spend a couple of years here, to support him, but generally I'm homesick. He knows that, and it bothers him. 

Visas can be prolonged, and he knows that I can come back after a few months. Since I have a very good job, that allows me to work from anywhere, it's really not a problem for me to get another visa. Because I'm not here for the American jobs. :)

To be fair, he was PISSED when I told him I booked my ticket back. So it's not like he's waiting for it. If he is, he's a good actor. 

Your comments definitively made me think... Looks like I've made the right choice. 

:|

@Just_Squeeze: 

Oh, you didn't offend me! :)

Yes, he is pissed, because he's not getting what he wants. You're right!

No, I will not stay with him. I'm leaving for sure, even if he'll propose. The difference is that I can come back here if I'll have a ring on my finger. It's either a home visit, or goodbye forever kind of thing.

Your comments made me realize that it will most likely be a goodbye. And he knows that I'll go back to dating as fast as I can. 

@bluesgirl:

You are absolutely right! You all are...

I'm so happy I could talk about it with girls who go or went through the same thing. :)

Even more sure of my decision to leave now. My male friends are sure that he's going to pop the question before I leave, but something tells me otherwise.

It bothers me that some guys do that - take you window shopping, and talk about your future together, and your future kids, and your wedding, and then.... nothing. Really hurts and confuses at times.

Well, he proposed! :) <3

Turns out he was just trying to throw me off this whole time, because I was pissing him off with my ultimatums. He already had a PLAN, and I ruined it. How dare I. Forgot to trust him.

Anyway, sooo happy!!! 

:)

Thank you for your support girls. It meant a lot to me...