What are your views on reading erotica or watching Porn….?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
262 posts
Helper bee

no difference, its all imagineation, gusy are more visual (porn) and ladies are more imaginative (reading) so its all the same, fantasy.

Post # 4
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

I agree that the line is very fine, however with porn, ad visual stimulation the observer is lusting over a specific person. Not saying I agree with this position, and I don’t mind a bit of porn, just trying to voice the other side.

Post # 5
Member
2684 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I guess I don’t think that they’re the same, because porn videos feature actual actresses, who are real human beings, as the subject of the lust. Erotic fiction features made up characters who are not flesh and blood and do not exist outside the written word. So to me they are different. That said, as long as the erotic material is not abused to the point where it affects a relationship, I think fantasy is fantasy and everyone is entitled to their thoughts.

Post # 6
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My FI and I don’t watch porn, but it’s not because either one of us are against it or that we forbid each other to watch it, it just doesn’t interest us. I can honestly say that I wouldn’t mind it if my FI wanted to watch porn. It isn’t a dealbreaker for me and I don’t consider it cheating.

Sometimes I read erotica, actually a former friend of mine is a published author of erotica, but I don’t read it a lot, again because I’m not really interested in it. I like the books I read to actually have a plotline, which most eotic novels don’t.

Post # 7
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Real human beings and imagining sex with those specific people are where the line gets crossed for me. I sometimes read erotic fiction, but I mainly stick to the more tame historical bodice rippers. FI knows that I’m ok with him watching hentai. Ideally, we would do neither, but those are our talked about boundaries when it comes to things like strippers and porn.

Post # 8
Member
262 posts
Helper bee

Ckasnoff:  no i do not have issues with it.  its fantasy.  

 

if someone can no longer have sex without the porn stimuli, then it affects the real relationship.  if they’d rather watch porn and be solo than have sex, it causes problems.  but porn, is just porn.  its fantasy, and outlet.  

Post # 9
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

If I caught DH reading 50 Shades of Grey, I would be disgusted…. disgusted that he was reading something so poorly written.

If he is going to read erotica, I would hope that he would at least read something which had at least some degree of literary merit…

Post # 10
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Ckasnoff:  I don’t have an issue with it, neither does my FI. Although, when I read those books I don’t envision the actor I envision my FI, which he likes haha.

Post # 11
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I think that reading erotica and watching porn are ‘morally equivalent’ although I don’t think that they’re wrong by any stretch of the imagination. If you object to your husband watching porn, though, you shouldn’t read erotica.

I disagree with the pp who said that the difference is that porn gives you a visual and therefore you’re lusting after an actual person. Most people I know who read erotica create a ‘cast’ in their heads. There’s also fanfiction erotica, which is usually based on movies or TV shows. Clearly you’re supposed to imagine Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock or whatever…

Post # 12
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

First I find those books to be poorly written, subject matter aside. Also those aren’t really erotica. I can show you some good erotica. But men have had outlets for sexuality for centuries! Burlesque shows, Playboy, Houses of Ill repute. It is accepted that men want sex. It’s not accepted that women have the same needs and desires. It’s 2014, any man who has a problem with the fact that in the last couple years womens got some crap writting with slight erotic themes can get off their high horse.

Post # 13
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Ckasnoff:  how would we feel if the males in our lives were posting soft core porn on fb? That’s funny, they already do. And they do discuss it, comment on it, “like” it etc.

Anyway I’m not an advocate of porn. I made it clear to my FI from the very beginning that I don’t want it in my life in any way, including the person that I’m with. To me, if 100% of the male population watched porn, then I would remain single, that is the extent of my current intolerance for it.

As the porn industry has grown with the evolution of the web, more and more issues have been popping up in terms of the actual effects of porn. I’ve read from a number of studies that the chemical reaction it induces in a brain is akin to that of cocaine – in other words, highly addictive. It’s use has ruined many relationships and lives, and so for me, I don’t venture there.

Furthermore I feel extremely sorry for the people in those clips, some of which have been forced to be there, drugged, beaten, etc. Where is the boundary in the virtual world? Does it end with  bestiality? Children? Snuff? In a world where it’s known that you need “more” in order to get the same “high”, that’s just where a person may end up. This can lead to prison time and believe me, it’s more prevalent than you think. I bet most if you didn’t know that Ted Bundy was in fact, an admitted sex addict who got hooked on Penthouse as a twelve year old boy. 

So this horrible, inhumane perversion of something that is supposed to be a beautiful and intimate act is in my mind, not an “outlet” or “release” that is completely harmless. It does a great deal of harm to many, many people, and not just to those being filmed. And all for what, so my man can have something to help him blow a nut?  

Sorry but I just don’t get the ignorant, laissez-faire attitude towards something so disgusting. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  GrumpytheDwarf. Reason: Spelling
  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  GrumpytheDwarf.
Post # 14
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I love both! Lol. My husband doesn’t like watching porn, but knows I do on occasion. Doesn’t mind it. Makes fun of me but doesn’t tell me I can’t. I just think it makes it more exciting to learn and learn new moves. Hubby doesn’t mind it. Haha  And the erotic stories helps when he’s away for work. He sucks at sexting, but it helped open me up sexually. Lol

Post # 15
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Lacuna Artist Lofts

In college I did a great deal of research on the porn industry and, while some have other experiances, many woman are being forced into the industry and are being raped in the videos. For that reason alone it is enough to stay away.

It also can affect relationships, even subconciously. Being intimate with my FI is incredibly difficult for me if I feel like I have to compete with something he watched. If I am not enough, then how are we going to make it through the rest of our lives?

But the second part is entirely personal. However, the first part, in watching porn you may also be supporting violence- and that is a fact not enough people know or acknowledge because ignorance is bliss.

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