- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
inspired by the post about "mr.wrong" i digress, for those of you who had long term boyfriend (specifically, a BAD relationship) previous to your current sig other...
what made you leave?
my on/off again college ex-bf... started as a booty call, the summer before i went away to college in cali, i ended coming back to mi for sophomore year... and we started dating seriously... the first two years, were AWFUL. we fought every weekend, he always chose his boys over me, he cheated, he slapped, etc. then "things got better" so i stuck around for another 2.5 years.
we never talked about marriage (until 2 weeks after i broke with him, he asked me if i would get back with him if he proposed). i never wanted to marry him, but i never left him either because i was so tightly wound to his family, his friends, etc.
the last straw for me wasn't a big realization... it was over the last six months where i graduated college, got my first job, didn't see him for almost a month with our crazy schedules, and then realizing that i really did have a life of my own outside of the toxic relationship.
i asked for a break, a week after that i officially broke it off... and i can't be happier with the choice i made. my only regret is that i'd take those 4.5 years back if i could... in a heartbeat! (aside from the "i wouldn't be who i am today if it weren't for my experiences") story.
WHEW, that was a long one. but tell me about yours... how did things end? and how do you feel about it today?
Hrrrm....i left my "high school serious" boyfriend because he wasn't ambitious. I started to feel like he was a loser and I was above him because I had all these things I wanted to do/accomplish in my life and he wanted to do NOTHING. I lost respect for him and couldn't be with someone I couldn't respect. He didn't want to go to college and I was constantly giving him definitions to vocabulary words I used on a regular basis. It got old. He also told me he was content to let me "fly as high as I wanted to" and he wanted to be a SAHD. Fine for some, but I wanted to be someone more intelligent and more ambitious. The man had no drive for anything. He also didn't want to leave his small town and I didn't want to be in the boonies for the rest of my life.
Oh and he always wore these really ugly plaid collar shirts....omg!
Edit: I, like Rosie, developed a crush on another guy and figured if i REALLY wanted to date the other guy, I probably should dump this one!
My longest relationship was with my high school boyfriend. We went to college together our first year. We had talked about marriage and planned on getting engage. During our first year at school though, things went south. He was lying a bunch and started to get physically abusive. Depsite all that though, I stayed with him. At the end of the year, we came home and he stopped talking to me. Wouldn't answer my calls, call me back, or anything. I finally went over there and he blew me off! So, that was the end for me. I broke up with him and he cried and told me he was wrong and that he wanted another try. But becuase of everything, I said no. Plus, I had a crush on someone else and we had been hanging out. (that didn't last either though!)
After 2 years together he decided that he didn't want kids after all. He knew from the get go that I absolutely wanted kids and he was all in, but I think he just wanted me.
I can't completely hate him, he was in his 40s and didn't want to start over but he knew and I can't help but feel that he wasted 2 years of my life.
But, things always work out and now I have FI and we have an amazing daughter!
You're going to think I am joking but... I was in a year long relationship with a guy who was a bit of a... "sex addict". Anyways, I wanted to end up but stuck it out for no good reason (I was 19 (he was 21), maybe that was it lol). The straw that broke the camel's back was when he told me he didn't think our relationship was going to work out if I kept refusing to have ANAL sex. That pretty much did it for me.
@ottawabride, im so sorry if i'm being rude and im so happy that you got out of that relationship... but literally when i read the last two lines, i LOL'ed... def a tina fey moment picturing you saying those lines all serious!
I was with a guy for 5 years that I fully intended to marry-- we even had picked a date! (Dec 21, 2008). He was all I ever knew and I loved him, he loved me, and he treated me right. I think it was actually harder because we did mostly have a great relationship so it wasn't like I could say "oh he's a loser bc x" or "oh he treats me bad" or anything like that.
The reason we broke up finally was because I realized that we wanted two totally different things out of life, and he was never going to put me ahead of his career. Thats fine for some people but it isn't fine for me.
When we got together we were in hs, 17, and he was headed for the airforce academy to be a pilot. I told him we could date/have fun but then we'd have to break up because i had no intention of marrying a military man. He chose me over the airforce academy and decided to go to college with me and things were awesome. But his parents got pissed and refused to help him with college or even co-sign a loan, so his ONLY option to be with me was to join the national guard. We agreed on 1 term and done. Well, as he started to near the end of his 1 term he got deployed and truth be told, he was a pretty kick-ass soldier, and his CO semi-promised him (as much as they ever do in the military) that if he reenlisted he could be a pilot. He came back from his deployment and told me he wasn't sure anymore if he could be done in 2 years when his contract was up and he was thinking about reenlisting, so i broke up with him. I wasn't willing to wait 2 years to find out whether or not he'd stick by his promise to get out. And really-- if he was going to resent me forever for ruining his chance to fly I didn't want him to get out. I am not cut out to be a military wife and I knew that about myself since I was 17. It sucks that it took him until we were 22 to figure out that he couldn't NOT be a military man... but sometimes life doesn't work out the way you thought it would.
Alls well that ends well though, right? Four months after we broke up, I met FI (who I was a little leery of because he was another army brat!) but it turns out he couldn't be more different in terms of stability and now we're engaged and I'm happier than ever!
the straw that broke the camel's back in my last relationship was when he got picked up at the DPS for an old warrant and had to go to jail for a month. Turns out he had an old DWI charge he had been avoiding the WHOLE TIME (3 years) we had been together. He never told me about it. He was lying about a lot of other stuff too, so when he went to jail I finally said F it and got on a plane and left the state. SEE YA.
That was five years ago this June and I've never been happier =)
omg @ottawabride-- not to make light of it but i lol'd too. i'd like to see this guy's "deal-breaker" list if that is one of the items on it.
I dated the same guy all through high school and into college (4.5 years), but then I got really drunk and did very inappropriate things on webcam with another guy. Not sex, but pretty bad stuff.
Then the guy sent the video to my ex, so yeah. I was the cheater and he broke up with me.
I don't drink anymore. 
But thankfully, I met Joe two weeks later, and even when my ex begged for me back, I knew that Joe was the right choice for me.
We were together for almost three years and he would cheat and lie compulsivey. Then one day i was checking his email ( I know its never good to snoop but he gave me his password) and I saw an email to his ex gf stating how much he still loves her and would love to be her man. Those words are still engrained in my head.
So that was pretty much it. We still talk, but definately never saw a future for us after that.
Holy cow OttawaBride! Good for you for leaving, though I'm sure it wasn't a hard choice after that comment.
My college boyfriend and I were dating for 3 years, and in the last year were talking about marriage and engagement. He went to school for elementary education. He couldn't, for the life of him, get a job, even though male elemed teachers were in demand. I found out (by his mother, not him) that he had gotten arrested for public drunkeness when he was home one weekend, and that was the #1 reason why he couldn't get a job. Things went downhill from there. Like ejs's guy, he just wasn't ambitious. He only ever wanted to stay in, never wanted to go anywhere or do anything. The last straw was sadly, Valentine's day. I told him that all I wanted was to go out to a nice dinner. He waited until the day of to make a reservation, and so alas, we ended up eating chinese on my bedroom floor. I told him then that I just wasn't happy. Thank goodness too...I can't imagine being married to him now. It also helped that I too, had a crush on someone else, and that helped me get over the loss of the relationship much easier.
He disappeared for three weeks and didn't answer any of my calls. Then one day, I blocked my number and called and what do you know, he answered right away. Turns out, he got arrested for a DUI and was in jail, and didn't tell me. After that, I was done.
I look him up every so often on the court website, and since then, he's gotten a second DUI, gotten sued by the power company for $1700, gotten about 4 tickets for operating with a suspended license, etc. Dodged a bullet there!
Why do guys think it's easy to keep getting arrested from us? Don't they think that we're going to find out eventually??
I dated my first boyfriend for 4.5 years. We met when I had just turned 15 and broke up when I was 19 and a sophomore in college. Ahhh, first love! I could write a cheesy romance novel about how in love we were. It was all-consuming and very intense.
About a year in I started to get annoyed with how jealous and "protective" he was. I essentially lost all my friends. He followed me places and wouldn't "let" me hang out with them. In retrospect, this may have been good b/c some of them were heavily into drugs. A part of me actually credits him with my becoming who I am today.
But, he didn't graduate high school and had no ambitions... just wasn't very educated...maybe he wasn't even very inteligent. This became an issue in college. We broke up and he dated another girl (I actually caught them together... she was in his shower... which was AWFUL). I suspect after we got back together he continued to see other people. I think the final break-up was over the phone, and I don't even remember being particulary upset....I was ready for it.
Next relationship was from 20 to about 22. This one may have been even more dysfunctional. He was 5 or 6 years older, but extremely immature and insecure. He was also very elitist (his parents had some money). We played constant "mind games" with each other and sometimes it was sort of like a test to see who could hurt the other's feelings more.
We "broke up" constantly... which I don't even know how that was possible since most of the time we weren't technically "boyfriend and girlfriend." I think it was also frustrating b/c, for whatever reason, we just didn't understand each other and couldn't get close. I was in college an hour away and thought nothing of hooking up with other guys... in part because I thought he was hooking up with other girls.
When we "broke up" for the last time he literally gave me a presentation (with index cards/talking points) about why we should stay together. Lame. Last year he got married to his gold-digging secretary (was married before to a rich man 20 years her senior) who hangs on his ever word. I know, b/c she used to but my Christmas and birthday presents lol. Can you tell I'm bitter? I have positive feelings toward my first ex, but this one, I really feel like his picture should be in the dictionary next to "jerk." I just can't think of him with any fondness at all.
There was no one thing that ended either of these relationships for me, I just think I got sick of them. At some point, if you are not compatible, enough is enough. I will admit though, that I didn't let go of either boy until I was reasonably sure I had other prospects :)
I met my FI five or so years ago (when I was 22) and we were friends for a few months before we started dating. My relationship with him has been very healthy and a complete 180 from the other two.
Wow, that was looong :)
Hmmm... I was with my college boyfriend for just shy of 4 years (though the last 2 were off and on.) Things got rough and so he started pulling away/I got needy. It was a chicken/egg sort of thing and one always made the other worse. So we would take a break (always his idea) and right about the time I could start getting over him he'd come back and I couldn't resist. That went on for a long time despite the fact he cheated on me several times. Some were "but we were on a break" and some weren't. I don't even know any more. So finally I decided we were done and like 2 weeks later met a guy who I took home. (As he put it, "sometimes the best way to get over one person is to get under another.") Sure enough, old boyfriend comes running back with ridiculous amounts of lying and drama involving a mutual "friend" who was telling stories trailing behind him. I was so incredibly over it. I finally knew I was done with him when I didn't even care what really happened or who was lying to me anymore. It felt GOOD. Oh, and I married my "fling" 3 years later. Whoops. So much for enjoying the single life! :-)
@Corgi, dude that is a perfectly legit reason. I felt like i was pestering DH sometimes with "are you SURE you want out? Don't you dare tell me you want out then stay in..." haha. It happened to a friend of mine except they got secretly married before he shipped out so they got divorced when he got home :(
I hope I am not the only girl on the bee who has cheated. It makes me feel like such a dirty ho bag to admit, but I really did learn my lesson.
@ejs omg that would be horrible! i was a little scared of that because the day he was supposed to be DONE was march 1, 2009 and we were planning to get married the december before. i'm so glad that he told me he was considering changing his mind when he did though because the only thing worse than wasting 5 years on a relationship thats going nowhere is wasting 5 years and 1 day on it!
Spent 6 years with a man that I met @17. Started dating @19... He was always very self centered and that's what ultimately made me leave.
I can't start telling you everything that happened that made me unhappy; but I was basically alone all the time and very lonely since I had no friends anymore as a result of being with him...
About 3 weeks before I left him, my grandmother died. She died at 2:00 in the morning and my parents had waited until 6:30 to call and tell me in order not wo wake us up. We only had one car and I wanted him to take me to my parents place, 2 blocks away, and he wouldn't. He said: I'll drop you off in one hour when I go to work, what's the problem, she won't be less dead then!
I took MY car and told him he could walk to come and take it when he feels like going to work. When he did, I had decided to go to work so I went in the car with him, and he asked nothing about how I was or how my parents were doing, he just asked if his shirt was looking good.
At that point I knew it was over.
2 weeks later my grandfather died. He asked if I expected him to be at the funeral, which was during a weekend and would've ruined his plans... I told him not to bother - I knew I was leaving him and I didn't want him there.
OK now I know this story makes him sound very, very awful. But he's a good person overall and I wish him all the best. I would not have spent 6 YEARS with this guy if he was ONLY awful.
It made me realize that I just need someone who can be there for me when I need it and I am so, so, so thankful that I found my DH around that time! (we knew each other and were friends at that point so he helped me with my grieving; we started officially dating 1 week after I left my ex)
My college boyfriend and I were together for almost two years and we were definitely talking about marriage. Things went downhill when I was diagnosed with adenomyosis and went on an experimental treatment which basically put me into menopause - I had severe depression, mood swings, hot flashes, crazy weight gain...fun. He just couldn't support me how I needed him to. He even threatened to dump me if I didn't "get better" soon! Eventually he did dump me over IM, after I had just paid for us to have a romantic weekend in Williamsburg. LAME.
1st one was high school bf, I was a year ahead of him in school and he decided to drop out. That did it for me! Now he is a "baby daddy" but doesn't talk to the mom and can't keep a steady job. Duh you dropped out of high school you loser!
2nd was college bf, he wasn't horrible but we broke up because he was too busy to give me the attention I deserved and so I respect him for not leading me on. We remained good friends while I enjoyed being single and enjoying college. Then I met my current FI at the end of my junior year at a party. I told my "friend" about it and turns out he was going to ask me to be his gf again because his feelings for me came back. I could have gone back to him but I stuck with my FI and so glad I did because he is everything I've every wanted in a husband! (sorry for cheesyness, lol)
My ex bf and I dated for two years. We went to the same high school but he was a few years older than me. He got the rep of being a "player" so when we first started to date I was very skeptical! Two years later after he was a jerk and we broke up for the final time, I found out not only had he cheated on me the one time I knew about, he had been cheating on me pretty much the entire two years! Looks like he actually was a "player"! What a jerk! Good thing I broke up with him and just a few short months later meet the most wonderful guy in the world!
It was New Years Eve. I was bartending until 4am. My at the time bf, who is an alcoholic, was at the bar. I let him come there for one hour, on the condition that he left right after midnight. While he was there, he actually decided that he was going to start a fight with the man I'm now married to. Someone apparently thought it was a good idea to let him keep taking shots (I refused to serve him or any family members). He ended wandering into the liquor room and the barback came and got me, so I told him to take a pizza out of the freezer and get out, take a cab, GO HOME!! So, I thought he was gone. Until about 40 minutes later, when one of the bouncers came and got me and told me that he was back and wanted to know if it was okay if he came back in. I went to the front door, and there he was. He had gone to another bar instead of home, but got freaked out because, and these are his words, "Some homely bitch tried to to make me share my pizza with her." At this point, I had a bouncer stay out front with him (I had to get back to the bar!!) to wait for a cab and made sure that the cab driver was given our address and directions to NOT stop anywhere else.
When I got home at 6am, after being behind a very busy bar, in 4 inch heels, for 10 hours, the son of a bitch had almost burned the house down. I walked in to a smoke-filled house, smoke alarms going off (we were in a rural area, so our neighbors were quite a ways away) and him sitting on the couch with his video game controller on his chest, sleeping very contently. What was causing that smoke?? The stupid pizza I made him take home. He threw it in the oven, cranked it up and passed out. So that pizza was cooking on 400 for 5 hours. THANK GOODNESS my kids were at a grandparents for the night.
I won't say that was the beginning of the end, or the end of relationship, but I had been taking steps to releive myself of this relationship, and this was such an affirmation that I was doing the right thing.
@ILikePink...I have cheated, too. You're not alone!
@Corgi, yeah, she was pretty ate up over it.
Needles to say, I'm VERY grateful DH wanted the heck out of the Army. I'm not cut out to be a lifer wife, either.
@missjyc, ejs, and corgi - Don't even worry about it! That was 6 years a go and trust me, I laughed too. He was pretty ridiculous! So glad I found someone who isn't so... creeeeepy. Lol.
@ejs4y8---I live in a small town and think that you referring to small towns as "boonies" is a bit insulting. I also find it insulting that you essentially say he was a loser because he didn't want to go to college. And particularly that people who do not go to college require vocabulary definitions on a regular basis. I know a lot of people who didn't go to college and have great vocabularies. In addition, your implication that being a stay at home dad equates to unintelligence and lack of ambition is pretty darn inaccurate.
@VirginiaMarie - I think she was just speaking of this particular guy. I didn't get the impression that she was generalizing!
@virginia- I dont think she meant small town and not going to college NECESSARILY means that someone has no ambitions and is unintelligent. I think she was just listing a variety of things that bugged her about him. I'm from a small town too (although I do call it the boonies and I wouldn't consider offensive) and its just a different life than living in a bigger city. I think this particular guy was lazy and unintelligent and it manifested itself in him having no drive to ever go anywhere or do anything and he wanted to be a SAHD because he didn't want to work. I'm sure she didn't mean to offend :)
I dated my previous bf for a year solid then 6 or so months off and on. The straw that broke the camel's back was meeting FI! There was about a 2 -3 wk technical overlap (easily done since they shared the same first name!) before I finally decided to not only was ex a waste of time but there was some EXTRA special going on between FI & me.=)
Ok girls, relax!!!! I don't care at all. I just felt like showing how easy it is to play that game, and "get on" people for their posts (which, if you're very anal, you could do with about every single post out there).
ETA: I guess my intention was to show that if you're quick to read too far into other people's posts, you (of all people) should be more careful with how you word your own.
LOL @ VM, you crack me up girl. no harm girls... keepin the peace here in the hive!
I thought it was weird that YOU would react that way, considering what you just posted somewhere else..
EGB---I am much too carefree to ever take things on weddingbee.com seriously! Thanks for "knowing" me so well! ;)
**getting my crap-catching net out and ready, because I am sure many of you are shunning me right now**
@vm- lol i was like hold on now... aren't her and her FI grad students or med students or something???
Honestly, over the course of just a couple of days, it suddenly wasn't "there" for me anymore. I didn't have romantic feelings, I didn't want to be around him, etc.
It was like one day I woke up, didn't have feelings anymore, and decided to leave! Although it had been "over" for awhile and was a long time coming.
VM - You always crack me up. I can never get enough of your posts. When you wrote your first one, I was like, "Whaaaaaat is going on??"
@VM - and aren't you in Pgh anyway? It's not a small town!!! I did a Blind Date episode when I first moved to NYC, and they kept trying to plug me as "small town girl meets boy from the Big City". The burgh is still generally accepted as a major US city..a dying city, perhaps, but still major-market!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 93 |
| beargoose | 55 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 51 |
| ndreighton | 51 |
| Mrs.KMM | 46 |
| BetterSherm | 42 |
| akp0702 | 41 |
| Beckster329 | 37 |
| stardustintheeyes | 36 |
| MrsPom | 36 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| NVACat | 3 |
| KatNYC2011 | 2 |
| sienna76 | 2 |
| bostongirl27 | 2 |
| MsMonkey | 2 |
| Mrs.Enne | 2 |
| GroovyHippieChick | 2 |
| KelsieLea7 | 2 |
| This Time Round | 2 |
| tifnseth16 | 2 |
