What can a bride ask you to alter for her wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Would you ask a bridesmaid to tan?
    Yes, I am paying for pictures and everyone needs to be beach brown in the late fall. : (3 votes)
    1 %
    Yes, I would ask but not be mad if she refused, I just want my friend to help me celebrate my day. : (14 votes)
    4 %
    No, I want everyone to be comfortable and to look like themselves that day : (279 votes)
    76 %
    No, back out of that wedding now, she's going to be even crazier closer to the wedding date!!! : (71 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    357 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I never tan (other than naturally in the sun) and would absolutely refuse to do so for anyone else as well. You are not a prop and you are not being a bad friend/bridesmaid/whatever. As for what you should do…hold your ground. You’re in the right here.  

    Post # 3
    Member
    774 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

    Personally, I’d agree to a spray tan if the bride was willing to pick up the tab. If not, then she would get me in all my alabaster glory! 

    I was a bridesmaid in my Dad’s wedding. All the other BMs were Indian except my sister, who heavily fake tans. I was the ivory giant at the end of the line with my pale skin and red hair and 5’9 height. Haha! 

    Post # 4
    Member
    6740 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I think asking a “friend” to change their skin tone is too much.

    Post # 5
    Member
    7070 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think your bride is being unreasonable. I wouldn’t do it either!

    Post # 6
    Member
    2649 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Orchid71:  People are not window dressing or props for perfect pictures. She either wants you there because of her affection for you or as an extra in her stage production.

    Tell her no To the tanning.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1627 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Anything beyond dress choosing and show up at this time on the wedding day is rude to me. So yes a forced tan is too, too much.

    Post # 8
    Member
    214 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2005

    Orchid71:  You are totally not being a bad friend! She is being a crazy bride thinking it’s okay to ask this.

    I’m kinda angry for you, that is really out of line of her!  

    Just be totally upfront with her that you are not going to be tanning at all. If she is so against your skin tone she can ask you to not be in the wedding. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    Orchid71:  It’s probably going to get worse rather than better.  Some brides forget that their bridal party is made up of actual people, not accessories for photos.  She needs a reality check.

    Post # 11
    Member
    129 posts
    Blushing bee

    In all honesty, I think you should compromise and get a spray tan. Ask her to pick up the tab if you can’t afford it. I don’t see a problem there…not at all.

    Post # 13
    Member
    931 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    As a ginger who can’t tan and a family history of skin cancer, there is no way I would do it.  And the spray tan is still a bit much, it is asking one of your dearest friends to change their skin tone & overall appearnce.  I am almost always pale, and being asked to change that for pretty pictures is a slap that I don’t look good enough for her.  

    Post # 14
    Member
    10986 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Orchid71:  In my opinion, the bride has absolutely no right whatsoever  to ask you to alter the tone of your skin for her wedding. I do not think that is a reasonable request.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2565 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Nothing.

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