Post # 1
So I am in a friend’s wedding at the end of this year. She has already started dropping heavy hints about tanning. I said point blank that I would not be going to the tanning bed bc of a family history with skin cancer (I stopped tanning years ago bc of it). She then commented that I could still spray tan…no, I can’t, I am in the process of laser hair removal and I don’t think i should have to pay for a spray tan that I’m going to have to scrub like hell to get off immediately after the wedding so it doesn’t mess with my results. I’m already paying over $700 to be in the wedding, and its a waste of an additional expense in my eyes.
I am fairly light complected, but not glowing pale, and despite using a high spf this summer I will still get some color through it, I just won’t be crispy brown like I used to be when I went tanning years ago (which is how she and her FI prefer to be). I just think its crazy to ask someone to alter the color of their skin for your wedding….I’m your friend…although I’m starting to suspect I’m just a place holder because their bridal party is large. Am I being a bad friend? I don’t think I should have to make my skin a certain color to be in a wedding.
Post # 2
I never tan (other than naturally in the sun) and would absolutely refuse to do so for anyone else as well. You are not a prop and you are not being a bad friend/bridesmaid/whatever. As for what you should do…hold your ground. You’re in the right here.
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle
Personally, I’d agree to a spray tan if the bride was willing to pick up the tab. If not, then she would get me in all my alabaster glory!
I was a bridesmaid in my Dad’s wedding. All the other BMs were Indian except my sister, who heavily fake tans. I was the ivory giant at the end of the line with my pale skin and red hair and 5’9 height. Haha!
Post # 4
I think asking a “friend” to change their skin tone is too much.
Post # 5
I think your bride is being unreasonable. I wouldn’t do it either!
Post # 6
Orchid71: People are not window dressing or props for perfect pictures. She either wants you there because of her affection for you or as an extra in her stage production.
Tell her no To the tanning.
Post # 7
Anything beyond dress choosing and show up at this time on the wedding day is rude to me. So yes a forced tan is too, too much.
Post # 8
Orchid71: You are totally not being a bad friend! She is being a crazy bride thinking it’s okay to ask this.
I’m kinda angry for you, that is really out of line of her!
Just be totally upfront with her that you are not going to be tanning at all. If she is so against your skin tone she can ask you to not be in the wedding.
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Orchid71: It’s probably going to get worse rather than better. Some brides forget that their bridal party is made up of actual people, not accessories for photos. She needs a reality check.
Post # 10
antisocialite: Thank you, I was starting to second guess myself!
Post # 11
In all honesty, I think you should compromise and get a spray tan. Ask her to pick up the tab if you can’t afford it. I don’t see a problem there…not at all.
Post # 12
AnotherMrsBrown: I was considering the spray tan if she offers to pay. Sunless tanning products have a tendency to look orange on me, so I’m afraid that will just look worse!
I bet you still looked beautiful and like yourself in that wedding. I think my friend should have started making friends with a certain look of girl if she wanted a magazine wedding. Maybe she can take out an ad on craigslist for bridal party “extras”
Post # 13
As a ginger who can’t tan and a family history of skin cancer, there is no way I would do it. And the spray tan is still a bit much, it is asking one of your dearest friends to change their skin tone & overall appearnce. I am almost always pale, and being asked to change that for pretty pictures is a slap that I don’t look good enough for her.
Post # 14
Orchid71: In my opinion, the bride has absolutely no right whatsoever to ask you to alter the tone of your skin for her wedding. I do not think that is a reasonable request.