(Closed) What can I do about my friend? :( very long

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 5
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It may be that you are a reminder of a bad time in her life and letting go of the friendship is enabling her to move on. I would do the same and be there for her if she does need to reach out again. Good Luck!

Post # 6
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It sounds like maybe you just need to let this one go, as hard as it is to do. If she’s not answering your calls or facebook messages it sounds like she already has.

I had a friend who I was REALLY close to for quite a few years, but once she found her husband we drifted apart. Tried to keep in touch via email for awhile but eventually quit that too. She didn’t have many if any girlfriends as she tended to ditch them everytime a new guy came into the picture. I had a lot of girlfriends so if she wasn’t interested in pursuing a friendship, it just came to the point where I didn’t care anymore. If your relationship is that strained and one-sided is it worth it to you?

I think a lot of really good friendships can eventually fade if the two of you are at totally different places in your life, which it sounds like they are. I think you’ve done everything you can do in regards to reaching out to her. Time to let go and concentrate your time/energy on your other friends. Good luck.

Post # 7
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m really sorry if this seems mean or insensitive, but let her go.

She sounds like a bit of a lost soul….and I understand your need and want to help her, but I’m sorry to say, she doesn’t want your help anymore. Maybe she feels like your life is great, and she feels jealous of that…maybe it’s just too hard to see how far you’ve come when she hasn’t…or maybe she just feels like your friendship has run its course. Either way, she has shown that she is unfortunately not interested in staying in touch, and you’ve done everything you can.

At this point I think you unfortunately just have to leave it. She might come around one day, but I wouldn’t count on it. I’m sorry.

Post # 9
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You know, she’s probably not seeing things with any logic or clarity. You’ve got quite a level-headed perspective on everything but the thing about going through bad times and feeling depressed is you end up with a voice in your head that skews how you see things. You can end up seeing signs everywhere that you’re useless, that people don’t care about you, etc.

Also, something else strikes me: you have tried, really tried, to keep up the friendship. But she’s not been much of a friend to you and she’s not letting you be a friend to her. It’s okay to move on with your life and stop worrying about her, harsh as that may sound. You can only try so hard.

Post # 10
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

She could be struggling with seeing how your life has picked up and hers hasn’t and simply finds it impossible to stay friends. It’s clear that you haven’t done anything wrong. If she comes back to you then fine, but you’ve done everything you can. You are not responsible for her. You must also make sure that she doesn’t drag you down.


Post # 11
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

This has sort of been said by PPs and your FH, but based on what you’ve said, I would imagine that it’s a bit hard for her to look at her life in comparison to yours. You both started out in the same place, but you’ve clearly progressed so much further than she has. When you and she finally talked after her attempted suicide, and she learned that you were getting married, it probably was quite a shock for herself, inwardly, to see what she could have had but hasn’t yet achieved.

Hopefully, however, she now has people in her life she can lean on to help her move forward into the next stage of her life. I imagine you’re probably too much a reminder of her painful past – and THAT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! You haven’t done anything wrong, it is simply a matter of fact that life brought you together when your circumstances were bad, and you bonded over that. Now that you’re a different parts in your lives and healing, there isn’t as much to bond over. Definitely don’t take it personally – it’s just the way friendships change, sometimes.

I’d send her a final message, let her know you’ve always cared and wish her well, and move forward with your own life. Let this chapter close and be at peace with it. You’ve been a good friend; not all friendships are meant to last forever.

Post # 12
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i’m sorry you are going through this.  at this point, i would let it go.  you really have done all that you could.  there must be a reason why she is ignoring you.  as pp said, perhaps it’s a reminder of the dark part of her life and she just wants to move on (and that means cutting you loose).  it may be b/c she is jealous of your now happy life and it just reminds her of how low her life is. 

the two of you were close when you were both in the same boat.  misery loves company.  you have turned your life around completely (and good for you, btw).  perhaps she feels that the two of you no longer share the same connection. 

if she contacts you, fine but i would move on with your happy life.  some things are better left in the past.

Post # 13
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Sometimes people have run their course in your life and it is time to let go. She is ignoring you, this is a perfect time to move forward and on.

Post # 14
412 posts
Helper bee

I say message her. She was your friend and frankly you seem to have your life much more in order. You don’t have to feel shamed by ‘trying to hard’ or really have to care if you seem desperate- You’re a grown up. She was in a mental hospital recently- It’s possible she thought it was a pity invite or that you don’t really care about her (pretty likely really she thinks that). What does it cost you to message her and be really honest that you want to start a fresh friendship or that she meant a lot to you before? It might help her and it can’t hurt you at all. We all have more of an influence on people then we realize and you might have a chance to make her life a little better. To write off someone you’ve known for 7 years without a real conversation seems heartbreaking. 

Post # 15
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

You have done what you could to contact her. She sounds like the type of person that only wants you around when there is no one else there for her when she is at a low point. Yet, now, when she is in an ‘up’ position, you don’t exist. It is truly indicative of mental health disorder, possibly manic-depression. But, I am not a licensed psychologist.

Please understand this is not your fault, and it is not your place to try to save her. She knows your phone # and has the ability to add you back on FB.

I would not spend any more waking moments worrying about it. If she were a true friend, you wouldn’t have to ‘try’ to make this work. Communication is a two-way street.

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